Camera

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Camera
by Amy G.

A camera can be a single moment,
A single memory.
A camera can catch a lifetime of smiles,
A one time video of a stunt you weren't able to do again without breaking limbs.
A camera will take a moment and bring it to life,
Will create beautiful art to hang on your walls.
They are able to bring back memories of a time you cant picture anymore.
A camera can, and will, love you back.

A camera can capture that ONE moment,
That one memory.
A camera can catch a life time of hurt,
That one video of when you hurt yourself pretty bad doing a stupid stunt.
A camera takes a moment and hurts your heart, to make you cry,
Will create a gothic piece of art to hang up and remind you of a horrible time.
They are able to bring back a memory of a time you didn't want to picture anymore.
A camera can, and will, make you hate everything.




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Hiya, darling! I'm Music.

A camera can be a single moment,
[s]A[/s][b]a single memory. Only capitalize when you begin a sentence.:wink:
A camera can catch a lifetime of smiles,
[s]A[/s]a one time video of a stunt you weren't able to do again without breaking limbs. This line throws off the rhythm for me; perhaps you could shorten it?
A camera will take a moment and bring it to life,
[s]W[/s]will create beautiful art to hang on your walls.
They are able to bring back memories of a time you can't picture anymore.
A camera can, and will, love you back.

A camera can capture that [s]ONE[/s]one moment, Caps. Agh. :wink:
[s]T[/s]that one memory.
A camera can catch a life time of hurt,
[s]T[/s]that one video of when you hurt yourself pretty bad doing a stupid stunt.
A camera takes a moment and hurts your heart, [s]to make you cry[/s]makes you cry,
[s]W[/s]will create a gothic piece of art to hang up and remind you of a horrible time.
They are able to bring back a memory of a time you didn't want to picture anymore.
A camera can, and will, make you hate everything.
Click-ity click! Reviews here. :)
The Completely Evil Plan.

"You treat me badly; I love you madly."
Formerly known as music_lover_7311.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 152
Hiya, darling! I'm Music.

A camera can be a single moment,
[s]A[/s]a single memory. Only capitalize when you begin a sentence.:wink:
A camera can catch a lifetime of smiles,
[s]A[/s]a one time video of a stunt you weren't able to do again without breaking limbs. This line throws off the rhythm for me; perhaps you could shorten it?
A camera will take a moment and bring it to life,
[s]W[/s]will create beautiful art to hang on your walls.
They are able to bring back memories of a time you can't picture anymore.
A camera can, and will, love you back.

A camera can capture that [s]ONE[/s]one moment, Caps. Agh. :wink:
[s]T[/s]that one memory.
A camera can catch a life time of hurt,
[s]T[/s]that one video of when you hurt yourself pretty bad doing a stupid stunt.
A camera takes a moment and hurts your heart, [s]to make you cry[/s]makes you cry,
[s]W[/s]will create a gothic piece of art to hang up and remind you of a horrible time.
They are able to bring back a memory of a time you didn't want to picture anymore.
A camera can, and will, make you hate everything.


Okay, as for my overall impressions.

The poem was okay. Some of the lines I didn't like, and some I loved. Nice contrasting concept, but I'm not sure you wrote it well enough. The repetition of the lines sometimes wasn't clear enough in the second stanza. My favorite line was probably the second to last. "They are able to bring back a memory of a time you didn't want to picture anymore". I think that just speaks to the reader.

Anyway, pretty good job for a new one.

Love,
Music. :)
Click-ity click! Reviews here. :)
The Completely Evil Plan.

"You treat me badly; I love you madly."
Formerly known as music_lover_7311.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 5
your writing is wonderful(:
it really is.
i really like this poem alottt, all of it ha.
but my favorite parts were:

A camera takes a moment and hurts your heart, to make you cry,

A camera can, and will, make you hate everything.

A camera will take a moment and bring it to life,

A camera can be a single moment,

A single memory.

A camera can catch a lifetime of smiles,

those are the sights that caught my eye for sure :p




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This was an okay poem. Parts were good and others were...just there. But that's what we are for--to fix them!

If you actually do end up getting this published, I wouldn't have it bolded like that. Publishers and editors, I'm sure, would be annoyed.

There is repetition, but it seems too much with the whole 'a camera' thing. I would find a synonym or rephrase it somehow.

Some parts of the second verse seem like a contradiction to the first verse, now, was that supposed to happen? If not, change some of it. If so, that's great!

I actually could see this being turned into an actual song, not just a poem.

--Your reviewer,
Colt.
"We would accomplish many more things if we didn't think of them as impossible." Vince Lombardi

~You've just been ticketed by the Grammar Police! 1000 word essay fine.



The words you speak become the house you live in.
— Hafiz