He's not quite ready

i've read this through a couple of times and it's great...i cant find anything worth fixing....my only comment other than it's an amazing piece would be to recommend you write more around it...make it a story rather than a section give it a story line Why is he afraid? why is he so shy? why isnt she?

That was actually really cool. ITs nice to see the roles flipped and the boy be concerned about making their first special. I wanna guy like that =P.

Its also well written. Nice Job. Thats all I can say, I see no need to change it whatsoever.

I absolutely loved this!
It's a great story so far, the characters are both cute, the setting was described very well indeed. I like how you didn't include names at the beginning: frankly, that's not the point at this stage in the story, is it? I didn't think so anyway.
The errors etc. have been made so I'm not going to point out something that's been pointed out already.
Anyway, I liked how it's the GUY who's not ready for sex rather than the girl, and it's so cute how senstive he is about where their first time together would be!
I really would like to read more, because I'm already liking this A LOT and I'm actually thinking over what the story could be right now! .....Still thinking......

Put me out of my misery and post more! >.<

Very good! I loved it! awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!No need to critique!

Awwww! I had to say it

I think if you showed a little for of the characters' feelings through their movements, the effect would be better. Maybe put a little more subtle nervous movements by the guy and tell us a little more of what the girl (I really want to be calling them by their names, for some reason, I just like the characters so far) was thinking.

That story was awesome for obvious reasons, but there's something that I just can't put my finger on that makes me want to read more...

It definitely was not bad for your first shot, not bad at all. Believe it or not, romantic scenes aren't the easiest thing to write. A lot is going on, what's actually happening between the characters, what's going on around them (if anything), and what could happen.

It was refreshing to see a male character that might not be ready to take such a big step, when the female is. To top it off, she's understanding of the situation. She was able to keep herself in control enough to not let things overtake her in a way that could damage the relationship.

I would echo those who said that showing rather then telling could make the scene flow much better. Also letting us inside the girl's head on what she's thinking and feeling emotionally will help the readers connect with her even further.

But like I said before, it was not bad for a first try. Everything takes practice-keep it up!

Man that was good To me, it's one of those love stories that just makes you want to keep flipping the page
Awesome work! keep it up!

thAT WAS NICE

W-O-W. wow. I could feel the emotion inside of the story. Nothing really needs to be changed, not in my opinion. I really like how the guy is more unsure of himself than the girl.I like how they all of a sudden start kissing without any point other than their love or each other. I really don't know what to say about this, it really was amazing. I am speechless. Where did you come up with such a miraculous idea? The part where she compares her boyfriend to her apartment, is great, I would never think of a comparison like that. Now I am trying to connect my friends to buildings. It's not working. Keep writing, I really want to know what happens next.

This remind me of my ex.
I loved your story it was very sweet.

I see that plenty of people have given you praise already. But I just wanted to comment on one thing.

Simplicity

One of the qualities of your narrative that I enjoyed the most was how simple it was. It was just about almost having sex on a futon in the middle of a movie. The ability to capture the emotions of such a moment is extraordinary, and you did it. Some writers rely on big plot conflicts in order to characterize and bring the reader in. But your plot was so simple, and it accomplished everything it needed to. I really can't get over how simple it was. You truly have a talent.

I really liked the beginning and kept me reading.
It was sweet but i feel that it needed a little more
"meat" to it, if you get what I'm saying.

hhmm there's nothing wrong with it technically, but it didn't really seem to have...a point? it felt a little like you were writing it for the sake of writing something. Like an exercise or something.


That said, doesn't mean its not a good piece of writing, but is that it? or is it part of something more?

This is very, very good! Is it part of a story or a standalone piece you wrote.

Lisa

Listening to: 'Why Does It Always Rain On Me?' by Travis.

It's standalone. I'm not planning on writing more around it, but who knows?