The Letter of the Statue

I would kiss you, protect you, hold you, love you-- had I only the ability to move. If my hands were of warm flesh rather than impeccable, marble white, I would trace the graceful mold of your face with my fingertips. I would savor the feeling of your smooth skin beneath my hand. I would stand by you forever, always beside you lest you need someone to lean against, if you fall I shall catch you and gather you up in my arms, hold you to me until you are ready to stand once more-- if only-- if only I could tear myself away from this pedestal.

However, since I am only a creature of stone, unmoving and unresponsive, I must content myself with merely gazing upon you. Perhaps if I wasn't perched atop a five-foot boulder you'd feel the urge to wrap your arms around me. I am sure a man standing in the middle of the snow would look cold, though he be made only of stone. Then you'd embrace me, flow your warmth into me, and for a fleeting moment, I shall feel living, throbbing, pulsing life.

Even statues have hearts, I felt mine break when a man came to you, held you in his arms and kissed the lips I have dreamed as mine. He does not hold you as a man in love would. I am sure of it, for he does not hold you with the tenderness and adoration that I would-- had I been able to. He touches you like he would a trophy, a prize-- with satisfaction and triumph but without love, without gentleness-- only human desire. No, do not leave my side to stand by him. Do not walk away from me just to fall in step with him. No, I beg you; do not desert me. Do not leave me.

From the height I am in I can see into your window. I watch you sleep restlessly by his side. I watch
you turn around in discomfort as the abominable man you married pushes you in his sleep. You open your eyes and meet mine. The snow falls upon me, the chill wind blows around me but I do not feel it. But I felt your gaze, razorsharp-- weakening. I can easily crumble from your gaze alone. I love you, I love you. Can you hear me? I LOVE YOU.

You turn around and snuggle closer to the man you chose. Thinking not even slightly of the man outside who loves you and will love you. Though all types of weather harm him, though Time's blades scrape against him, he will love you. I will love you, 'til I crumble to pieces and the man's heart and soul trapped within my marble frame finds their way into heaven and to you.

I will love you.

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I'm not a prose person. Forgive me.XD

You actually made me like something lovey-dovey! And that is not easy. I salute you. It's beautifully written and nearly made me cry. The idea is very unique too. It's short and sweet.

When it says, 'I love you, I love you. Can you hear me? I LOVE YOU', I think one 'I love you' is enough. It gets a little over the top.

Overall, this is brilliant, and your use of language is so poetic.

Hello KnightlyAngel! This was lovely, and different. I love the descriptive language and the perfect word choice. I could see everything happening in my head with perfect clarity. What an interesting idea! To personify a statue. Where did you come up with this? It is very creative.

There were just a couple things that need fixing. Otherwise your spelling, grammar, and punctuation was fine.

...unmoving an unresponsive...

I think you mean "...and unresponsive..."

I am sure a man standing in the middle of the snow would look cold, though he be only of stone.

I think you should add "made" after "be". So it would be "...though he be made only of stone."

I love you, I love you. Can you hear me? I LOVE YOU.

I disagree with Jay. I like this sentence the way it is. However, I don't think you need to put the last sentence in all caps. I usually don't advise using exclamation points out of dialogue, but an exclamation point would fit well after the first sentence.

I hope this was helpful. PM me with any questions.
-Winter

Pygmalion and Galatea would be a basis. The Happy Prince would have to be where the idea of a feeling statue came from though.

The Happy Prince is one of my favorite short stories.

Overall, this is brilliant, and your use of language is so poetic.

thank you. I suppose that even in prose I cannot let go of poetry.

thank you to Jay and Winter. 'Tis much appreicated.

Hello, Dahlia here. Your title drew me in!

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:From the height I am in I can see into your window. I watch you sleep restlessly by his side.

I think you mean "the height I am at".

I watch you turn around in discomfort as the abominable man you married pushes you in his sleep. You open your eyes and meet mine. The snow falls upon me, the chill wind blows around me but I do not feel it. But I felt your gaze, razor sharp-- weakening. I can easily crumble from your gaze alone. I love you, I love you. Can you hear me? I LOVE YOU.

I really, really like this! It's so creative and your prose is beautiful. A star for you! Hope I helped .

---Dahlia

This was lovely and very original. I have never read anything like it. I do praise you on your use of vocabulary.

However, towards the end there, your beautiful plot kind of twisted. I couldn't hear the beaty in the narrators voice anymore and it kind of crumbled as would the statue I think you need to amp up the ending, give it more energy.

Also, the part where he says the man she married shoves her in his sleep, does that mean he's abusing her or...? I wasn't sure so I had to ask

Anyway, besides the ending, I thought it was very well done.

Keep on writing! ^_^

Hello KnightlyAngel09. I'm Dreamwalker and I'll be reviewing your work!

Okay so first I'll give you a basic critique then give you some of my feedback on what was good and the cons of this work. Alright so, onto the critique!

If my hands were of warm flesh rather than impeccable, marble white,

I believe it would have made more sense if you had put it as impeccable white marble. Marble white just makes it sound like the person who you are portraying is just extremely pale, especially in the beginning of a piece. Make sure to really specify everything, although I know readers are not stupid. Readers though are also annoyed easily with certain things and catch onto them quickly.

I would stand by you forever, always beside you

Repeated. Saying that this person'll stand by you forever and then saying 'always beside you' is basically saying the same thing. Get rid of one of them.

I shall feel living, throbbing, pulsing life.

This could be me just being nit picky, but trying putting 'with' between pulsing and life.

Even statues have hearts, I felt mine break when a man came to you, held you in his arms and kissed the lips I have dreamed as mine.

Comma should be a period in the first part of the sentence.

From the height I am in I can see into your window.

Comma in between in and I.

I love you, I love you. Can you hear me? I LOVE YOU.

From what I read for comments prior to this one, I heard that people did not so much as like the fact that he wrote I love you a couple times. I'm going to say that i disagree wholeheartedly with them. The idea of such an endearing love, its just so sweet, so simple. The only thing I would change with this little bit is that last part where its all capitals. This piece of work and very slowly and sad, but to have such a shock when it comes to the words, it just doesnt flow quite right. Keep the last one in lower case, but put an exclamation point at the end.

You turn around and snuggle closer to the man you chose. Thinking not even slightly of the man outside who loves you and will love you.

Use a comma, not a period.

'til I crumble to pieces and the man's heart and soul trapped within my marble frame finds their way into heaven and to you.

I will love you.

I particularily like this ending, due to the fact that it is so strange and wonderful. I very much like this bit.

Okay so thats the end of my critique, now onto my analysis.

For this piece, its started off with an awesome intro. Although there were a few mistakes that could have been avoided, it was brilliantly written, but as I got into the story, I got bored. It became preditable, and there wasn't much on this woman, like a small description even. I know it was a short piece, but it could use a little description here and there, give it a nice feel.

Your language is beautiful, and your wording is maginificent by far, but you just have to refine it and shape your sentences a little better, a little stronger. Work on your structure and really nail it in. I'm sure over time it will flow even better.

And the ending seemed almost rushed, like even you were getting bored with the ending. If you get bored of your own story then it means you have to add something to really spice it up. Exhilirate yoursel into writing more.

Overall though, I enjoyed this piece. Unique idea for sure, and very interesting how you put it forwards.

If you need anything else reviewed or have any questions towards mine, just PM me and I will for surely get back to you as soon as possible!

Ciao
The.Dreamwalker