Into Death Valley

Same old faces,
same old stories,
same old thrills that aren't so thrilling.
No more!
Day after day,
month after month
chasing something I don’t want.

Its time for change,
But what do I say,
To the people I love,
its hard to say goodbye.

But I cant stay for one more night

I’m tired of

This same old thing, same old nothing.
Where I’ve lived me whole life
But now I’m running!
Through the back door and down the alley,
I’m running through death valley.
Against all odds
You know I love proving them,
Its time for change
What can you say?
Don’t look back and run down the alley
Goanna head to death valley!

The world is big,
I hate saying it.
Lived here my whole life
And now Its time to get,
Out of here and learn. headed
Into death valley, the new world.

Its time for change But what do I say
To the people I love its hard to say goodbye

But I cant stay for one more night

I’m tired of

This same old thing, same old nothing!
Where I’ve lived me whole life
But now I’m running!
Through the back door and down the alley,
I’m running through death valley!
Against all odds,
You know I love proving them ,
Its time for change
What can you say?
Don’t look back and run down the alley,
Goanna head to death valley!


Ooooh against everything I know.
Oooooh But I need to go!
I need to stand up, get out, go against what I was told

Cuz I do the same old thing, the same old nothing!
Through the back door and down the alley.
Lived here my whole life,
But now I’m running!
Don’t try to catch me as i'm heading down the alley,
I’m running,
Through,
Death,
valley!

Same old faces,
same old stories,
same old thrills that aren't so thrilling. <--- This line here doesn't make much sense. Try not to use the same word to describe itself. This part is also kind of vague in the way the readers aren't exactly sure what you mean by this.
No more! <--- Is it necessary to use an exclamatory like this in a poem?
Day after day,
month after month(,)
chasing something I don’t want.

It(')s time for change,
But what do I say (no comma necessary)
to the people I love(?)
It(')s hard to say goodbye.

But I can(')t stay for one more night

I’m tired of (continuing your sentence in another pararaph pauses the flow of your whole poem.

This same old thing, same old nothing.
Where I’ve lived me whole life
But now I’m running(.) <---No exclamation mark necessary again.
Through the back door and down the alley,
I’m running through death valley.
Against all odds(.)
You know I love proving them,
Its time for change
What can you say?
Don’t look back and run down the alley
(SP) Gonna head to death valley!

The world is big,
I hate saying it.
Lived here my whole life
And now Its time to get(no comma here. Don't break up the sentence)out of here and learn.
Headed into death valley,
the new world.

It(')s time for change
but what do I say
to the people I love?
It(')s hard to say goodbye,

But I cant stay for one more night(.)

I’m tired of

This same old thing, same old nothing!
Where I’ve lived me whole life
But now I’m running!
Through the back door and down the alley,
I’m running through death valley!
Against all odds,
You know I love proving them ,
Its time for change
What can you say?
Don’t look back and run down the alley,
Goanna head to death valley!


Ooooh against everything I know.
Oooooh But I need to go!
I need to stand up, get out, go against what I was told

Cuz I do the same old thing, the same old nothing!
Through the back door and down the alley.

Hey hhrockstar. I'm Shina and I'll be your reviewer today ^^
Welcome to YWS, by the way if no one introduced themself to you yet. I'm sure you'll get addicted to YWS in no time if you learn how to use it correctly


I fixed some things in your lyrics, but to be honest, I reall wasn't sure what the whole point of the song was. It sounds sort of preachy and is cliche, which is a big no no >< Of course it's hard to say good bye. Rather than talking about it, make us feel the pain of good bye. There might be some meaning in this song somewhere, but it's not surfacing itself. As for the punctuation and structure, I'd rather not get into it in full length. But you basically need to learn how to use apostrophes, commas, and periods. For me, semi colons do not make any sense, but basic punctuation is something essential to good writing. It distracts the readers.

Overall, it was okay. It's okay if you're a beginner. From this site I'm sure you'll improve and find yourself much better than when you first joined.

~Shina

sorry it sucked