Nothing Is Wrong

Nothing Is Wrong

To be completely empty,
would be better than to feel like this.

No one said life was easy,
but I didn't know it could get this hard.

I'm just a little broken
and you just happen to like to break.

You're filling up the air,
I don't know how much more breathing I can take.

Your relentless cruel intentions
were masked by such a pretty face.

I can't stop the falling,
there is no bottom, no end to this place.

Hey there Rory! June here!

I like the concept you're using here. It's somewhat fresh, but I feel like it's presented a little flatly.

It's not feeling poetic to me, rather it just feels like lines written out in enjambment. I;m not trying to be harsh on you at all, dear, but I just think that you can dramatize this a bit.

Your last few couplets have a rhyme dancing through every two of them, but your first two couplets have no rhyme to them at all. That's okay; but for the audience, it's a little confusing when rhyme comes in, dear.

I'm left wondering what happened? You're wishing to feel completely empty rather than feel like this, but we don't have anything to base this upon, dear. It's rather an empty approach for us .

That being said, vagueness can be good! Just give us a little hint, one teensy, eensy one to base something on this upon. For now, we can't tell exactly what happened. Personally, my first resort for an answer would be a heartbreak, but I cannot tell.

But! You're off to a great start, Rory! Keep it up!

June