my love .

its unbelievable, undescribeable , untouchable.

'its' should be capitalized and it should be 'It's' with an apostrophe. 'undescribeable' should be 'indescribable'.

just the words to describe you, breath taking, heartbreaking

Capitalize 'just'. It's the beginning of a sentence. Instead of a comma between breathtaking and heartbreaking, use a dash. (--) Breathtaking is one word. Use a comma at the end, however.

the day i saw you, was unforgettable your tallness makes me feel safe

the sound of your voice is like ocean waves.

i never thought I'd be able to talk to you, but i did

its was just a hop-skip-jump into your arms

i never knew if i would really mean these seven words, ad much as they mean to me today.

iloveyou with all my heart

farikk wrote:my love



its unbelievable, [s]undescribeable[/s]it should be indescribable , untouchable.
just the words to describe you, breath taking, heartbreaking
the day i saw you, was unforgettable your tallness makes me feel safe<--this sentence is very awkward.
the sound of your voice is like ocean waves.
i never thought I'd be able to talk to you, but i did
its was just a hop-skip-jump into your arms
and that's the way it will always be.



i never knew if i would really mean these seven words, ad much as they mean to me today.
iloveyou with all my heart

Alright before I continue I probably shouldn't repeat what Jon said. Well hello there farrick my name is Mackenzie C: I like how you began, the only thing that made me cringe was that you kept using describing words. Now I'm a huge fan of detailed pieces of work but, sometimes too much detail can bore the reader. Maybe, you could go over it and break it up making it more elaborate. hmm, I'm unsure how to explain this without causing confusion. Like taking the words you used and saying why it is that, perhaps? Sorry if i'm confusing I'm not sure why but, when I look at things I can see better versions of it in my mind. But, anyways I'm just going to stop my blabbering. Great job, continue making your pieces amazing!

with all due respect,

Mackenzie











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