Remember me? The girl you dropped off a mile away from her home because you go angry? The girl you embarrassed in front of everyone at school when I didn’t tell you where I was earlier that morning when I was actually planning a surprise for you? You wouldn’t have enjoyed it anyways, wouldn’t have noticed. Just like you didn’t notice my new short haircut I got because you said you liked girls with short, blond hair. Like you didn’t notice my new dress I went to all the trouble of shopping for on Saturday just to impress you because you liked the color blue. I told myself that it didn’t matter the cost and that it was for a special occasion. You said it brought out my blue eyes. The blue eyes you said you lost yourself in every time we kissed. Oh, how you kissed. It was soft and gentle, but all the same bringing me closer to the edge as your hunger grew.
I remember the first time. It was in your parent’s pool house over the Fourth of July weekend. Twelve o’clock at night after the fireworks. See? I even went to the trouble of memorizing the time, the place, and the feelings that rushed through my body as it experienced new things. The taste of your lips against mine, your hands trailing down my back to unzip the sanity blue dress that had sparkles floating on top of the fishnet material, and the sweaty entwinement our bodies got themselves into as we fell onto the bed.
Later, you didn’t call. I had called you, left you a message saying how I loved you and I couldn’t wait to see you again.
I felt love sick, wanting to see you so we could share our secret together since no one else knew. You never called me back though. I stayed in my room the rest of the summer break, crying. I refused to eat or talk to anyone. Everyone tried to coax me out of bed, but I stayed. Wallowing in my misery while I secretly drank beer under the covers like some mid night snack that a child would have hidden under the covers.
The only thing the beer hid though, was my common sense.
I thought you would never call, but then you did the day before school started saying how you wanted to see me again and was sorry that you didn’t call, hoping that I would forgive you. I wasn’t sure why, but I took you back. I saw you at school on Monday the next day with your friends, laughing and smiling. You were slapping them fives as I walked up, slipping my hand around your waist. You looked down and smiled at me, making me forget how you didn’t call me all summer. Looking around, I saw girls laugh and whisper to others. Shaking the feeling of regret away, I walked down the hall with you just like before.
One time, we got into an argument. It was over something so silly but you got so upset. It had been during a party and you had gotten into a fight. Some guy had asked to dance with me, and we were talking. You saw. Like any jealous controlling boyfriend would, you stepped in. You pushed the guy saying to leave me alone and not talk to me. He had said that we were just dancing but somehow that sent you over the edge with the feeling that he was trying to steal me away. But how could I leave you? You were just a guy I knew, but what we shared over the summer kept me there because later you had told me you loved me.
Before I knew it you were fighting. Throwing punches left and right at the guy as some others came to throw you off of him. You stormed off mad while he walked away with a broken nose. In the car you weren’t any better. You yelled at me, saying not to talk to him, or any other guys for that matter was what I understood. I told you that we were just dancing and talking. You didn’t believe me. I told you it was true but I don’t think you wanted to believe that I was talking to someone rather than you.
That I wasn’t so wrapped up in you, which I was. Just not that night. You stopped the car and told me to get out, saying that if I wanted to be with someone rather than you, I could find my own ride home, which left me stranded on the empty road to walk home as rain started to fall.
On the way home I realized something though. That I didn’t want to be with you, that I didn’t want to go through the pain that you caused me for not noticing the small things. The things you wanted me to change. Noticing that I loved you so much, but you only noticed the stares you got while showing me off like a prized trophy down the halls. I won’t go through that again. I’ll find someone else, someone who will notice what’s standing right in front of him. Me.
As raindrops trickled down my back and soaked my clothes, I also realized that I would not give you what you wanted. A girl with no heart, no feelings, just herself, her skin and bones. A dummy, puppet, for you to play and joke around with; not meaning anything by it. It was just fun, all a big joke, nothing lasting. Just temporary. What you didn’t know though, was that my feelings were only temporary. I got over you.
I just thought that way of writing would be something new for me and partly did it because I liked the short story on here called Precious Illusions. That's why I wrote it. Maybe when something does happen to me though, I'll write a short story about it.
