I can't live with out you

Okay this is my first song ever, and no I'm not crushing on someone I just thought of this while talking to my friend. Hope you like it!!
____________________________________________________________


I can't live without you. . . I can't breathe with out you. . . With out you I can't go on. . . With out you there's no me.

Your the reason I breathe. Your the reason I wake up every day. Your the reason I live. Your the reason I try. Your the reason I exists.

I can't live with out you. . . I can't breathe with out you. . . With out you I can't go on. . . With out you there's no me.

Your the only one who matters. Your the one I live for. Your the one who saved me from the darkness of loneliness. Your the one I can't be without.

I can't live with out you. . . I can't breathe with out you. . . With out you I can't live. . . With out you there's no me.

I can't help it your the one I can't be with out. Your the one I live for. No matter how hard I try your the only one I can think of. Your the air I breathe. Your what makes my heart pump. Your the reason I breathe the I try, the reason I exists!

It's ok. It needs to have a beat though.

Thank you for the review I understand what you mean about the beat. I think that's the last song I'll write, because I just for some reason just can't really get it down. Oh well. To make me feel better I'll play with the smiley faces!



Okay that makes me feel better I like the ninjas!!!!

Don't give up so soon!

As for the song, you have issues with grammar. For example, Without is one word, not two. Your should be You're because it's a conjuction, meaning you put two words together (You and Are).

The song its-self has been done many, many times. What I'm reading are just words; they don't mean much to me. Give us reasons why you can't live, breathe, live,(etc) so we can understand why your friend means so much to you.

Don't be so repetititive either; although there are cases when being repetitive is a good thing, it's generally boring. Liven up your sentences! Think of ways to start your sentences with something other than You're and work from there.

As JustDance said, try to find a beat.

I apologize if this is harsh and I hope you'll take my advice. Keep working on it!

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or need anything.

-alwaysawriter

well, I very much liked the theme behind the whole thing. Since you say it's a song, it kind of needs some Rhyme and Scheme, or some rhythm and meter. It doesn't really need to rhyme. It'd been a bit easier to read, or prettier to look at if it had an actual stanza outlook to it.
(This is one of the few times you'll see me check grammar) But, the your needs to be you're.
There's a bit of repitition with the phrase 'i can't live without you' (i dont know if you meant that or not) and repition in meaning. It'd be a lot more meaningful if you either explained why you can't live without the person, or came up with a different thing to say dealing with loosing that person. I think it's pretty good for your first song. Don't give up!!! If you have any comments or anything of the sort, just message me!
Great job.

Hey thats was preety good actually and people are right you should not give up that easily whoever you are you are very good at this i can bet you on that and plus this was very cool awesome and very sweet song and it's so nice because it can be dedicated to anyone your freinds girlfreind mother father sister or brother so i'd say this is cool so keep trying and make good rhymings at the same time good job keep it up

I liked how you had a point, and didn't move on from it. Like you knew what was your point..

But I think you should feel what you write, not just write to write. Like have a deep meaning of what your writing. You should take out all you feel and reflect it in your songs, cause that's what a song basically is, a reflection of your feelings.

You have to check your punctuation! hahaha you have to divide it in verses, and have a chorus.

But don't give up so soon, I'll give you an advice . Write everything that you feel, literally everything, and be as deep as you can. Then, read it and add things that would make it sound good. Then, arrange it, and find a chorus.

Sorry if it was too hard!! I want to help you