It was precisely 5:56am. I couldn’t wait for the night to pass. Only three hours previous had Declan done it to me again.
I was staying over at Mia’s house again, and as usual, Declan hung around with us for the whole evening, pestering me about insignificant little things until I remarked upon something he said, which gave him the perfect opportunity to ridicule me; one would think I would have learned to keep my mouth shut. He kept this pretence up until Mia and I retired to her midnight blue bedroom, where he never ventured. I loved Mia’s room. The ceiling was painted black and splattered with white, it looked like the clearest of clear nights. The furniture was of the highest quality; the black iron four poster bed was dotted with glow in the dark stars, the bed clothes were the deepest blue before blue becomes black, and the lining was silver, like a border of stars around the night sky. The bedside locker was wooden and had various clever little quotes from famous writers, philosophers, her family, even myself etched into it by Mia, as did her wardrobe. In fact everything in Mia’s room that was wooden had something written on it, even her shelves, which held her vast vintage teddy bear collection, were massacred by her deep black pen. During the day seemed like the middle of the night when the heavy blue curtains were pulled. They acted like a shield between Mia and daylight. Though why she chose to live in the dark was beyond me. I had never thought of a reason why she wouldn’t like daylight; she had never mentioned it before. We sat down on her long silver couch in the corner.
“So, any luck on finding a truce with my brother?” asked Mia, toying with her natural auburn hair.
“Oh yeah, we’re best pals now, surely you’ve noticed?” I remarked, sarcasm dripping off my tongue as I opened my mouth in mock horror. Mia laughed.
“Oh Kate, I do wish you and Dec would get on. You’re my best friend, he’s my favourite brother-it would just make things so much simpler for me.” The look on Mia’s face made me giggle. She looked like a child who couldn’t get their own way and was past the tantrum stage and on to the “I’m so cute and innocent, you need to give me what I want” stage.
“He’s your only brother Mia,” I laughed. “It’s not that I don’t like him,” it defiantly wasn’t that, “it’s just our personalities clash. He has such strong views as do I and they just don’t seem to match. You know I don’t purposefully argue with him around you, but with him being himself it’s hard not to argue.” There was so much more to it than that. So much, and I really did want to tell Mia, but I wasn’t even sure what it was yet. If I had told her what I thought it was, she would have thought me crazy. It was a losing battle right from the very beginning. Mia sighed a long, exasperated sigh, and then yawned. She checked her watch.
“I know it’s still early, Kate, but would you mind terribly if we went to sleep? I’m so tired it’s past the point of exhaustion. I haven’t slept in two nights or something.” Another yawn. It was 11:59. I liked to be exact with the time.
“Not at all Mee, I’m really tired too.” I got up off the bed and grabbed my little pink bag which held my toiletries and pyjamas. “Toilet break,” I said to Mia as I walked out of her room and onto the long corridor that led to the bathroom at the end. On the way there, one has to pass by Declan’s room. It’s unavoidable. Though I’m not sure I would avoid it if given the choice.
“Kate?” called that cheeky voice that I knew all too well, “can you come see me when Mia goes asleep please?” As was the norm. He said the same thing to me every time I had stayed over, and every time without fail I obeyed. I didn’t know why, and it didn’t bare thinking about.
“Sure.” Was all I could manage in response. Though feeling absolutely fine while around other people, being with Declan alone was a whole other story. I didn’t argue with him like I usually did, we didn’t playfully tease each other. It was just me and him. Well, actually, to me, it was just him.
After donning my pyjamas- a pink tank top and purple silk bottoms, because I never wear matching pyjamas- I walked back towards Mia’s room, allowing myself one swift peak into Declan’s boudoir. He was lying across his bed, with a book nestled snugly in one hand, and his other running through his beautiful blonde hair. He was wearing a tight black t-shirt which left nothing of his muscles to the imagination, and I remembered Mia telling me that I was the only girl ever to last this long without being pulled under Declan’s “spell” as she called it. Little did she know.
It just so happened that at that exact moment I chose to peak into his room, he chose to look out onto the hallway, he saw me and waved with a knowing smile on his face. I blushed and hurried back to Mia’s room, terribly embarrassed after being caught.
Mia was already sprawled across her huge double bed, which she always offered to share with me but which I always refused. I slept on her long silver couch, as it was wide, comfortable, and, because of Declan, I never really slept in their house anyway, though Mia didn’t know this minor detail.
“Ready for lights out?” I asked lightly, and Mia nodded, halfway asleep already. I turned out the light and whispered, “Night MeeMee. Best friends always.”
“And no matter what.” She said as her reply. It was kind of like a ritual we had. At about 12:30 I called Mia’s name to see if she was awake, suddenly anxious to see Declan, though I could never be sure what he had in store for me each night. When she didn’t respond I quietly crept out of her room, shutting the door behind me. The house was silent. Their parents’ bedroom was on the ground floor of the house, Declan and Mia’s rooms were on the third floor. The house was huge.
I walked slowly towards Declan’s room and knocked quietly on the door.
“Come in,” said Declan, his sweet American voice sending shivers down my spine. I walked into his room. Declan’s room was more like an office with a bed then a bedroom itself. Everything was so neat; it was frightening. A desk was in the corner beside the window, with a top of the range laptop perched on top, and a single book lay beside it. The reading lamp on the desk was turned on, so was the main light, which made no sense at all. On the left was a huge library of books and CD’s, all arranged in no particular order, I knew because I had asked Declan before. The wardrobe was down the end of the room, it was of simple design, as was the carpet, the wallpaper, the furniture. On the immediate right as you walk into the room was Declan’s bed, where he sat. He still held the book in his hand, and it looked like he didn’t even know I was there, because he didn’t speak for what seemed like hours, but was probably only seconds. Finally, he put the book down.
“Now,” he said it so suddenly I jumped, he noticed. “Very jumpy tonight, aren’t we, Kate?” he laughed. I seemed to have missed the joke, though already I was beyond feeling anything less than infatuation with the god that stood in front of me, never mind anger.
“N-nah, not jumpy, just a bit tired,” I faked a yawn, trying to sound as normal as possible, I always found it hard to talk around him when we were alone. Again, I didn’t know why.
“Tired? Oh no, we can’t be having that. Come on. We’re going out.” He grabbed my hand and headed for his bedroom door. His touch sent shock waves up my arm.
“Wait,” I snatched my hand back, though it took a lot of will power. I hated going outside with him. “Why are we going outside?” He seemed surprised at my question.
“Because I want to.”He answered simply and grabbed my hand again, beginning to pull me. I was feeling brave for some reason. It was odd that I anything other than complete devotion.
“B-but, what if I don’t want to?” I said it so quietly I was surprised he heard me. It wasn’t that I was afraid of him, it was just I was afraid of upsetting him. He raised his eyebrow and sighed. He pulled my hand, but this time he wasn’t pulling me out of the room, he was pulling me closer to him. I did not feel the need to resist. I was so close I could feel the heat of his body radiating off of him. He closed the tiny gap between us with one tiny step. I was leaning right into his muscular chest; he has his arms tightly around my waist and my arms were around his.
“Kate,” he breathed at the top of my head, “please won’t you come outside with me? It won’t be for too long. It would mean a lot to me.” He used that soft little voice that would melt stone. But I really didn’t want to go outside.
“No Declan. I don’t want to go outside.” His body went rigid. I was scared then. I knew I had made him angry. I looked up at his face but he wasn’t looking at me, he was staring at the wall. He took a deep breath and gazed down at me with those breathtakingly beautiful grey-blue eyes. I wanted to go outside with him now. I’d do anything for him.
“Please Kate?” he looked like a little lost puppy that you just want to take home. A voice in my head was screaming, and this was strange because usually that little voice was blocked out. It said “KATE! DON’T GIVE IN! BE STRONG!” I knew the voice. It was the me that was there when Declan and I weren’t alone. I tried to listen.
“Do we have to go outside though? Because I really don’t want to Declan.”
He lifted up my chin and kissed me ever so lightly on the lips. That was it. I was sold. We were going outside.
Declan sauntered out the back door without a care, no fear that his parent would catch us. I wasn’t afraid either. He would protect me. He walked towards the back gate and onto the road.
“You see? This isn’t so bad.” He remarked lightly as we walked hand in hand down the road. I felt as if nothing bad could ever happen once Declan was by my side. I was in love with him. Too many times I told myself he didn’t feel the same, then would come nights like these when we would act just like a couple, but just where no one could see. At times like these he was my lifeline, the only thing holding on to my sanity. The normal part of me, the part that wasn’t devotedly in love with him but was still partially, reflected upon this. He was my sanity and insanity and everything in between. And I was hooked; unable to let go of him, until he would let go of me, and tell me to go back to Mia’s room. He never bothered telling me not to tell anyone, because he knew I knew no one would believe it.
“No,” I replied, “This is nice. I don’t know why I didn’t want to do this now.” This was a change from the stuff we usually did, and part of me was just waiting on that bit to come, but I told that part to shut up and I continued on walking hand in hand with my life.
“Either do I. You know Kate, sometimes you can be so difficult.” He looked at me, unleashing the full force of his eyes on me.
“I’m sorry; I promise I won’t be difficult anymore. I’ll do anything you ask.” My breath became short as I panicked thinking that I’d upset him.
“I know you won’t. Breathe Kate,” he stroked my cheek. I was able to breathe normally again. I hoped this night would never end. This was one of the most peaceful nights I’d ever had with him. Usually, nights with him involved danger. Last time, it was grand theft auto, something I was normally opposed to, but I couldn’t say no to him. The time before that it was a walk on the darkest of nights in the woods, where I lost Declan and panicked. How was I to know what was in the woods? And I couldn’t see a foot in front of me. Thankfully I found the exit and Declan was there. Saving me. He always saved me.
“Tonight we’re going to play hide and go seek. You up for it?” he said. It sounded simple enough.
“Sure,” then it hit me, “Wait. Where? Just me and you? Why?” the questions poured out before I thought it through. I didn’t want to upset him again.
“God, you’re full of questions tonight aren’t you!” it was more of a statement than a question, “We’ll play it in the school grounds. Yes just me and you. Who else? And why? I don’t know. I’m bored I suppose.” That hurt. He was bored of walking around holding hands with me. It was a low blow. My stomach felt sick. The look on my face made him come in closer towards me. “Awh Kate,” he whispered in my ear, “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise. It’s just a bit of fun!” well when he put it like that how could I say no?
When we got to the school grounds-which were quite small, in all honesty- I couldn’t understand why he wanted to play here. There were no hiding places that I could see anyway.
“Ok Kate, you count to one hundred, and I’ll hide, Kay?” he started to walk away.
“Okay,” I whispered quietly to myself. I didn’t want him to leave me.
I started counting, and by the time I got to one hundred I was really starting to get freaked out, I hadn’t heard a sound since he has walked away. I started to look around for him, hopefully I would find him quickly and then we could go home. After fifteen minutes of searching, and still not a sound, I decided to shout for him.
“Declan..?” I called, quietly at first, and then gradually getting louder until my throat hurt. Still, no answer, no sound. I began to panic. I wasn’t sure whether I should wait here for Declan or head home, but I knew he’d be furious if I left without him.
I heard a twig crack behind me and I screamed. This place was so eerily quiet. Not even the sound of crickets or a dog howling or anything. I shuffled over to a nearby bench and sat down, my breath quickening until I was hyperventilating. Anything could happen to me: A man could jump out of a bush and hack me to death, I could end up having to stay out here all night and freeze to death or worst of all, something could happen Declan. That thought made me panic more, and I started shouting for him again, repeatedly until I was positive my voice was gone. My throat ached and my lungs pained from all the wheezing and my efforts to breathe normally. I was beyond hysteria now, and I screamed louder than I had ever done in my whole life for Declan to come back and get me. I really thought he was dead, because he wasn’t coming.
Just then, I heard leaves crackle behind me, and I jumped up in fright and nearly fainted. Declan was there, his arms were around me and he was leading me home. He was saving me again. The tears streamed down my face as I nuzzled into his warm body.
“Kate, you really have to stop getting yourself into such a state. We were only playing a game, which you’re painfully awful at, and you go off in one of your tantrums, tut tut.” He was talking to me like I was a child. The normal me would have argued immensely, then again, the normal me wouldn’t have been in hysterics in a park in the middle of the night. What was wrong with me? What was happening to me?
“I thought something bad had happened to you,” I sniffled, wiping away the last of the tears and catching my breath again, “You didn’t come for ages, I panicked. I thought you were hurt.”
I looked up at his face. It was devoid of all emotion. A perfect poker face.
“Don’t be so ridiculous. Nothing would have happened me, I was hiding, playing the game.” His voice was a single mono-tone. We walked the rest of the way home in silence; me nestled into his body, finally calm of all my worries before, and even though he kept up his poker face the whole way home, I swear sometimes, when he looked down at me, in his eyes it looked like he cared. Of course, at the time I was sure he did, but as I lay down on the silver couch back in Mia’s bedroom, I wondered did he really. I had been used, and no doubt would I be used again.
