Untitled

16 posts1, 2
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 8
This is really good, and very touching in some places. There's not much you could do to improve it to be honest. I agree that you should cut the "It is over" and leave it as just "1" though. I also think you should change the numbers to actual words, so the reading lasts longer, giving it more effect.

I would also suggest, and I think someone else mentioned this, that you should describe the sky when the lady looks out the window. Also maybe some random stray dogs?

Good luck with your scholarship!
" You're as good as the next man; and better than most. "



Oh, Brightlord Tumul! How unexpected it is to see you standing there! I didn't mean to insult your stupidity. Really, it's quite spectacular and worthy of much praise.
— Wit (The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson)