"Let's go somewhereI think you should add a 'he said' to the end of this, in a new line.
the tide can take us there."
Away from an industrious city'Where' should not be capitalized, because you don't capitalize the first letter of every line in this poem and it's not the first word in a sentence.
Where no one exists like us-
"Let's go somewhereThere should be a period or semi-colon at the end of the first line.
the tide can take us there."
it seems just yesterday I could have laid down and cried'it' should be capitalized.
after seeing a homeless woman taking shelter in a plain cardboard box,
who was once my childhood hero
thrust aside by society
and the effects of time
new saggy, wrinkled skin
somehow she still wore a smile
You can search for usIn this stanza (except the last line), you capitalize the first word of every line, which is inconsistent with the rest of the poem. You should have: a period at the end of the first line, the first word of the second line capitalized, first word of third line not capitalized, no comma after the third line, first word of fourth line not capitalized, and a comma after the fourth line.
You won't find a trace
Unless you possess,
A creative mind
Ready to believe
in eternity.
An everyday thingThis is a fragment, and the word 'for' should not be capitalized.
For downtown New York;
that we shall leave behind.
AIR!All caps are a bad idea in general. In poetry, I personally think it's even worse. In this case, regardless of whether they're bad in general, I don't think that they fit the tone of these lines. Picture someone yelling those words (which is the impression all caps give) and you'll see what I mean, I think.
YES,
DO YOU FEEL IT?
DO YOU SMELL IT?
Away from an industrious cityI wondered if maybe these were intended to still be in quotation marks? Because they are a continuation of the sentence that he says in the beginning.
Where no one exists like us-
the witty.
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