FEAR (Death Metal)

(Rough)
Shall we go into her head?
(Heavy melody)
As she sleep's quietly in bed…
(Heavy melody)

Into her mind
With a colorful world, so kind!
But there is still a black hole
Coming next door!

(A girl singing in a background)

(Roar)
As we go through her mind!
Door to door room to room!
But there is locked something in there!
A monster or beast?
On souls it likes to feast!

(Rough)
As I walk through her mind
(Heavy melody)
Looks like the evil is so blind…
(Heavy melody)

But still one more door!
That looks so disturbing,
The beast is really burning,
It is stuck in there! (Stretched)

(A girl singing in a background)

(Roar)
As we go through her mind!
Door to door room to room!
But there is locked something in there!
A monster or beast?
On souls it likes to feast!

This is your fear!
Your fear!
Fear!
No one can’t escape the fear!

(Rough)
I am getting closer
(Heavy melody)
I want to make it go free
(Heavy melody)
I want to make it go on killing spree!
(Heavy melody)
I open the door!

Noooooooooo!

(Roar)
As we go through her mind!
Door to door room to room!
But there is locked something in there!
A monster or beast?
On souls it likes to feast!

This is your fear!
Your fear!
Fear!
No one can’t escape the fear!

(Rough)
She fears the devil!
This cage should belong to me!
The angels locked me inside of her!
I am trapped
I am officially gapped

(Solo)

(Calm)
Even the fear has a fear
That everyone likes to hear
I am scared of the light
I know that I will lose the fight
Now I am trapped in these chains
There is fear running through my veins (Stretched)


(Roar)
As we go through my mind!
Door to door room to room!
But there is locked something in there!
A monster or beast?
On souls it likes to feast!

This is my fear!
My fear!
Fear!
No one can’t escape the fear!

...still into the metal, eh?

The only thing that reallybothered me about this is spelling. Luck = lock I'm guessing, so just watch out for things like that. A mispelling can change the entire meaning of a lyric for some people.

Otherwise, there's one thing I'd suggest, and I hope you don't jsut reject the thought out right, but I've read several of your lyrics like this one, and they are all similar. Do you happen to be in an actual band or something?

That's just out of curiousity, but my suggestion really is this: Try a little bit of diversity. Lyrics about horror and the devil and things of that nature have been used time and time again. Dress it up in metaphors, or try to vary the way the lyrics are written or something. It's too straightforward and unchallenging as lyrics. So thta's my advice; listen to different bands (Lots of them) staring with my own recommendations like Isis, Tool, Rosetta, and the Melvins, and see if you can find a way to write whatever you want to write in a DIFFERENT way. See?

Good luck with that.

Okay I will try. What I usually like to write about is morals and justice songs.

Hmm... well, when I was reading this, for someone reason I had a flash back to the band Disturbed. -shrugs- but anywho, I liked the ending of this and I agree with Krupp about the spelling and about diversity.
Also, morals and justice songs sounds like Leathermouth somewhat, if you are into that kind of music, you should check them out and also their lyrics on their website. leathermouth.com
Other than that, I don't really see how I could criticize too much on this because lyrics are mostly about what the person who's writing feels about something and that's all that I really see left after the spelling and such. Awesome. Keep it up!

(Rough)
Shall we go into her head?
(Heavy melody)
As she will no need for will, just put as she sleepssleep quietly in bed…
(Heavy melody)

Into her mined mind....is that what you mean?
With a colorful world, so kind!
But there is still a black hole
Coming next door!

(A girl singing in a background)

(Roar)
As we go through her mined! mind
Door to door room to room!
But there is locked something in there! there is something locked in there
A monster or beast?
On souls it likes to feast!

(Rough)
As I walk through her mined mind
(Heavy melody)
Looks like the evil is so blind…
(Heavy melody)

But still one more door COMMAS!!! IN THIS WHOLE STANZA!
That looks so disturbing
The beast is really burning!
It is stuck in there! (Stretched)

(A girl singing in a background)

(Roar)
As we go through her mined! againnnn...mind!
Door to door room to room!
But there is locked something in there! something locked in there
A monster or beast?
On souls it likes to feast!

This is your fear!
Your fear!
Fear!
No one can’t escape the fear!

(Rough)
I am getting closer
(Heavy melody)
I want to make it go free
(Heavy melody)
I want to make it go on killing spree!
(Heavy melody)
I open the door!

Noooooooooo!

(Roar)
As we go through her mined! again "Roll eyes"
Door to door room to room!
But there is locked something in there!
A monster or beast?
On souls it likes to feast!

This is your fear!
Your fear!
Fear!
No one can’t escape the fear!

(Rough)
She fears the devil!
This cage should belong to me!
The angels locked me inside of her!
I am trapped
I am officially gapped

(Solo)

(Calm)
Even the fear has a fear
That everyone likes to hear
I am scared of the light
I know that I will lose the fight
Now I am trapped in these chains
There is fear running through my veins (Stretched)


(Roar)
As we go through my mind! finally mind! rofl =]
Door to door room to room!
But there is locked something in there!
A monster or beast?
On souls it likes to feast!

This is my fear!
My fear!
Fear!
No one can’t escape the fear! you mean no one can escape this fear..you use the if you're giving it as a proper thing.

Overall[b]
It was good, just make sure about the spellling and grammar. That can mess up everything.
The ending was good...summed it up well.
I liked it, just fix a few knacks and you're good to go! =]
Note: Some of my helpful hints, I didn't bold, so skim trhough the song, cause I put it at the end of the line, but didn't bold it. Mkay? =]
--Anantta

Yeah, metal rules...

Wow, this song should be quite nice if sung by the right people in the right tune =)

nice danm man u can become a rock star