free-write

Note: names/places are not the real ones or are "---" due to sensitive nature of some references. Also the subject plays around a few different topics that are all inter-woven to me.

The Nothings Part 1

a job.
ap homework. and lots of it.
more butchering. my ears hurt.
just let it go. sirens in the distance - who died? or did i? it's hard to tell
death. makes me think of lily and of a great darkness just beyond
beyond what, the stars, or just the other side of life.

head's splitting now
barely able to read my writing, gone, and back again
painful reality, or is it
silence is golden
tense whisperings
brightness unfriendly eyes intentions
head again, yes, this is reality
or hell. could be worse
under a midsummer sun
at dusk
stars falling
the cold setting in
to take the night

sweet chirping
summer whistling
whispers of people floating o'er the lake
shattered by uncleanness
of a saxophone playing F# major
in place of Ab minor
no words taking away from sound
deathly stillness
late night wishes
of those better left dead


Part 2

askew still
oboe-esque sound
cuts through
a fart among an already smelly section
where she sits

a fan instead of ac
tiny fan
what the hell good
will that do us?
heaven help, summer's here.

lab book in need of writing
oppressing idea
makes it impossible
just one more line
must get out idea
so close I can see
but not read
closer until splat
its out of reach

no matter
another should come, eventually
always too late
too soon
never ready, always rushing
slow
never works, never told
not enough
is death enough, and who would know

such a cliche, but thus so for a reason
like tammy's sister
and the pain conveyed
and tim in the hospital
mike's depression
jay's idleness
and kay's lack of it
my insecurity
toppled with family
"oh what a tangled web we weave
when we first practice
to deceive"

deception read between
the lies
but lies are truth
and truth is a lie
where does this leave us
if blue eyes see through
do they really see me
or sympathies
are empathies
then mel needs a life, and should
not be here

i'm here physically
but my heart is in ---
and ---, and on the
ocean in-between
if only I could see them
talk to them
robin the ever bright
and jay the ever right
with music all around
and sweet bliss
into the night


Part 3

heart pounding to nothing
worries gone
head was clear
light, dark, balance was
until it wasn't
a butterfly died
upsetting the equilibrium
or was it this

thinking leads to the new
what of the old
basis of the rest
gone

back to the beginning
it's so far

(I think I have now proven to the world I should go see a shrink, or not post free-writes in such detail)

Wow Mesh...that was kinda chilling--actually it was--physically sent a chill up my spine--good stuff. Noty necessarily GOOD stuff, but GOOd stuff, if that makes sense.

I liked it. Definitely interesting, with so many ideas it was hard to keep up. Nice work.

Great structure, too. It was very fragmented, which suited the topic perfectly.

yeah Hunter, I know what you mean.

Thanks guys.

Fragmented! Yes! Rei, that was the word I had been looking for to describe this.

Liz, do you have any suggestions that might make this a bit easier to follow?

I. LOVE. THIS.

Wow Mesh.. Wow. You never cease to amaze me. I knew you were an excellent poet, but when you get emotions behind skill.. This is absolutely amazing. For lack of stronger words..

*laughs* You know I tried to read into it, to guess real names - and I'm sure I guessed ONE correctly. And possibly the dashes as well.

But this is.. absolutely incredible.

Pick the strongest word of admiration you can think of, and multiply it infinitely. That's how good this is. I agree with Hunter - this was chilling. It's always chilling to read something straight from the heart, as most freewrites are. Just.. Wow.

Well, you could expand on certain points. You tend to skip from one great idea to the next, before the reader has an idea of what you're talking about. I understand that it is to a certain extent stream-of-consciousness, but if you expanded on a few of the more important points, it would follow better. Especially the last stanza. Fragmentation is good, and you definitely use it well here, but I think it would be a bit more powerful if you expanded on the third part. Like I said before though, it's great!