different skies

5 posts
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Gender Female
Points 6165
Reviews 665
This is the new way of living.
Trapped inside my overrated hometown.
We live in a house where we make our own mustard
and skateboard down abandoned avenues.
up the road you're waiting in
an old hot rodded BMW.
I grab your hand
when we slam into cement walls.
you lie on your side trying to breathe
my hand to your cold face
"Are you there?"
I kneel at your side and look into your eyes.
This is not the night for living.
and God, please kill me under this California sky.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 915
I'm not a fan. Sorry, but it had no point, although some good images.

The second to last line is just...ew.
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson




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Gender Female
Points 1090
Reviews 170
I liked it alot. The last two lines were really beautiful.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 321
It wasn't bad until the last six lines. Then it was great. Nice work.
purple sneakers




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 13816
Reviews 563
I thought this was pretty good, but it seemed as if it should be narrative poetry 'cause it just told a story. I didn't see any point beyond the story.
I really liked this though... nice images
~ WD
If you desire a review from WD, post here

"All I know, all I'm saying, is that a story finds a storyteller. Not the other way around." ~Neverwas



We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer