Friendship

I dug this up from my documents and cleaned it up a little. I can't decide if it is very strong.





Friendship

The days that would be lonely
Sitting all alone
With nobody to sit beside you
And no one to call on the phone.

You throw the ball
But it lands on the ground
There is nobody to catch it
‘Cuz there is nobody around.

You can stare out the window all you want
Feeling jealous head to toe
Because all you have to do is go out
Find a friend and always show

That you’re grateful
That you’re friends with her or him,
And you will always be friends
Through thick and thin.

Might they love you for
Your love for them that is true
Might they love you for it,
But then get rid of you.

And when you have a true friend
You never let go
Even when you start to
Begin to grow.

I liked this, simple and sweet. I do have some issues with it though;

mateeah3 wrote:
That you’re grateful
That you’re friends with her or him,
And "that" you will always be friends
Through thick and thin.

"Might they love you for
Your love for them, that is true,
Might they love you for it,
But then get rid of you. "

This whole stanza is a mess of confusion, I understand that you are trying to say, but it still makes no sense. "might they love you" that whole bit is confusing and loses me.

And when you have a true friend
You never let go
Even when you start to
Begin to grow.

Not a very strong ending, rather weak considering how strong you were going, "begin to grow" is where you lose it. maybe "To really grow"? Just a suggestion.

All in all I liked this, nice work, and I can't wait to see more.

Pm me for all questions, rants and hate mail, if you wish ^.^

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

good work *thumbs up*
my only advise would be to be a little more precise with your wording
if you do you could write some fantastic stuff

I really liked this piece.
I think it was a little too short. Develop the ideas a little more.
Maybe outline the differences between a friend and a true friend a little more, using some more examples.
I agree with PenguinAttack that the ending is a little weak.
The poem flows really well and doesn't sound forced or choppy. The stanzas seem smooth and connected.
Add some commas in the stanzas maybe? I feel like there is very little punctuation and that more is needed....
Good job on this.
PM me if you want to talk about it.

fluteluvr77<3

I think this is a really good poem about a true friendship but maybe you should state the differences between a friend and a true friend just to make it a little longer and more powerful. The stanza's are a bit short but it doesn't really matter because the poem is so well written. Good job =) Jessica x

i really love your poem..

although i agree a little with jesica...

but i admira the wayyou write your poem

you did well in this one keep it up

i love poems too but the only problem is that

they dont come out as good as this

keep it up i'll expect more poems from you,,,