Just Go

Just Go

It’s not time for arguments
It’s all been said before
don’t you bother telling me
I’ll be cryin’ soon -- Just go

Oh, choke on your apologies
quit making excuses
you gambled with my sympathy
must’ve known one day you’d lose it

[Chorus]

Go pack your things
and walk right out
I’ll be the last to say
'I miss you'
damage’s all you leave behind
just go
and take the hurt right with you

Don’t give me that look
crocodile tears won’t save you now
quit pretending -- I’m disillusioned
by all means, just go


[Chorus]

Go pack your things
and walk right out
I’ll be the last to say
‘I miss you’
damage’s all you leave behind
just go
and take the hurt right with you



[Note: Changed the second verse entirely.]

Hey there Kalliope! June here!


From the title, Just Go, I was drawn in. I don't know why, it was a simple, two word phrase; nevertheless, I was pulled in.

The song fit the title. Amazingly good job with that. Perhaps the song wasn't awesome-- that doesn't matter much.
There are alot of songs out there that have horrible titles. Sometimes the titles don't fit the song; this did, so congrats on that.


To write songs, you have to be talented. You are talented.

Songs are rough things. Every person has their own way of writing it; the structure they use, choice of words, order of words-- it all builds up to one thing.

Style. I like your style. Alot.

There's something about this that I really, really like, Kalli. I can't come up with a good rythymn for this to be sung to, other than a country-like style.


Great job. I liked this alot.


Keep it up!
June

First verse solid, second verse caught me off with 'shove your ring' for some reason that line doesn't click with the rest of the verse for me. The chorus is lengthy, too lengthy given the limited length of the lyric as a whole it really drowns the verses out. Absolutely love the third verse the use of 'crocodile tears' with the rest of the verse is brilliant! Again given the length of the lyric the chorus is too long as well I don't think it was appropriate to end on the lengthy chorus as it stumps the rest of the lyric.

I agree your style is definite, however it stumbles a bit in this piece and doesn't quite have the room to shine like it really could. Base rule of thumb for chorus bits is typically 4-6 lines without a pre-chorus, if you added a pre-chorus the chorus would only really need to be 5 lines max. The chorus is what really killed this piece for me on top of ending with the chorus which is another thing that doesn't look or sound right in a lyric. However, this is definitely a very good base with the style...I'd say give this one more rewrite but put a bit of thought in organizing the lyric in a way that it tells the story more with verses than depending so much on the chorus.

Hey Kalli! You've got a good base here but I'll love to see you add just one more verse and then possibly end with an edited version of the chorus? Like use some of the lines the same but change a few of the others, just to throw in some variation. The first verse is good, I can't see any flaws there but there is room for improvement. Lyrics tend to be quite simply worded and anything over extravagant just doesn't work but I think you could maybe have something a little more unusual, something that would really hook the reader. Possibly you could take the line 'It's all been said before' and expand it to something like 'Your tongue has stripped the words/ of any sense – it's all been said before.' But I can't really tell if that would fit your rhythm... is this sung softly or is it harder, more passionate?

I like the second verse, the words are good and flows well from the first to the chorus, nice rhythm. The chorus I wasn't sure of at first, it doesn't really say anything other than go and I think the chorus has to have more substance than that so it doesn't get too repetitive as the song goes on. I love the choruses that have lines that make more sense as each verse is introduced and where the chorus is the song and the verses are there to reinforce what it says. A good chorus can make or break any lyrics so I'd suggest you have another look at that.

Third verse is good, I wish I knew the tune to it though. I love the words of the third line but I can't quite see how you'd fit them so some of the effect is lost. Good work though! And I hope you'll think on my suggestion of a fourth verse. Maybe something in retrospect, sort of watching him leave? But it's up to you dear and it's already good, you have a very natural rhythm for lyrics and that makes for an excellent foundation.

Hope this helps a little!

Heather xx