Blind - Chapter 19

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I decided to get this chapter done after getting into the mood,
Thanks to music! It always gives me energy.
Anyway, its a rather psychotic chapter. The start might catch you off guard. Sorry.
Weird stuff. They're acting all mature in this chapter. Most of the time.
But there's something about it that I like. *shrugs*
~entirely 3rd person's point of view :D
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”She’s threatened because you’re gorgeous. You’re better than Ashley, and she knows it, though she doesn’t show it.”

”I’m not beautiful,” Melody mumbled, as Ashleigh walked out of the front door to meet Nathaniel and Natalie.

“Yes you are, Melody.” A soft voice whispered behind her. She froze. “Turn around,”

Melody looked at those sparkling green eyes. There was a… a distinct, but most peculiar look of longing in them. Her heart skipped a beat.

“N-n-nate,” She stuttered, the heat rushing to her cheeks. “I didn’t see you there.”

“You’re beautiful, you know.” Nate murmured and Melody shivered under his intense gaze. “And a bitch like Ashleigh is a waste of life. All of them, Shelby, Ashley, Ashlee and girls like them, they don’t deserve to live. Shallow, despicable creatures who make others feel inferior because they suffer from a superiority-complex. They sicken me.”

Melody flinched. His harsh words and hateful stare, they frightened her.

He frightened her.

Sensing her fear, Nate’s features softened.

“I apologise,” He smiled serenely at Melody, but the smile did not touch his eyes. Melody couldn’t see past the opaque green eyes, carefully guarded by their owner. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“N-nate,” She stammered, “… Did something happen to you? Is there s-something you want to tell me?”

“It is pointless to bring up the past.” Nate sighed. His eyes were full of anger, and an ancient sadness. The look didn’t go unnoticed. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I-I’m afraid I don’t understa-“

“I like you, Melody.” Nate cut in with dead seriousness. “A lot.”

“W-w-what?” He was freaking her out with his mood swings, yet a part of Melody was inexplicably happy at his last few words to her.

He took a step towards her, causing her to tremble. But whether she trembled because of fear, or anticipation, Melody did not know. Lifting up a hand, Nate gently brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. Melody turned five different shades of red at his touch. “You’re different,” He breathed, while Melody’s heart beat out a wild rhythm. “You’re good. You won’t hurt me, like she did. Like they all will.”

She had no idea what he was talking about.

“Melody? Are you ready to go?” Nathan ambled up to the pair, smiling affably. His face fell and turned wary when he looked at Melody’s frightened and confused face. “Did something happen, Nate?”

“She was talking to Ashleigh and I heard Melody saying that she’s not beautiful. Ashleigh must have said something that affected her.”

Nathan’s eyes turned hard and flinty, “Is that true, Melody?”

She realised that the boys thought that Ashleigh did something bad. “No!!!” Melody squeaked, “Ashleigh didn’t insult me or anything. In fact, she did the complete opposite. Really! She’s a nice person!”

“Don’t be deceived,” Nate muttered and retreated back into the living room without so much as a goodbye to Melody. Was he sending her mixed signals?

“She could be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Don’t let her fool you.” Nathan sighed, rubbing his forehead. Melody became annoyed at their prejudiced views. “We could be wrong, but I don’t think so. Anyway, we’d better get going. Nathaniel said that your dad wants you back by eleven right?”

“Waaaaaaaaaait!!!” Helen shrieked, darting towards Melody and hugging her. “Bye Melody! I’ll see you on Monday, kay?”

Melody nodded. Helen’s grip was too tight, she couldn’t breathe or speak.

“Uhh… Helen?” Nathan gaped at the pair in alarm, “I think you’d better let go. Melody is turning purple. Literally.”

“Fine,” Helen pouted, releasing Melody reluctantly. “I have to change my pad before I overflow anyway.”

Melody stared at Helen in shock of her unabashed declaration. Nathan simply replied, “You should know where the bathroom is.”

She sat in silence, looking out the window and pondering what had just happened. Was Nate a victim of something terrible, or was he making Ashleigh a victim. Melody frowned. Her thoughts sounded traitorous towards Nate, but she firmly believed that there was a good side to Ashleigh.

More importantly, how was she going to face Nate on Monday, knowing that he liked her…and she just might like him back?

Nathan broke her train of thoughts, “It’s a good thing we managed to finish up our Biology project so quickly, huh? Now all we need is for Nathaniel to do the finishing touches on our presentation.”

“Huh? Oh, uhh, yeah.” Melody fumbled, her train of thoughts broken. “You’re really smart. You pointed out a lot of information that could be put in our work.”

“Thanks,” Nathan grinned modestly, “But anyone can be smart as long as they are willing to study hard.”

“True,”

“Mom really enjoyed meeting you, you know. She’s heard so much about you from Nathaniel especially, Helen too, and she was so eager to meet you.”

“Your mother is a very beautiful woman, likewise for your father. I can see where you guys got your stellar genes from. Your eyes are the exact same copy of Natalie’s. Her hair colour is very much like Helen’s though.”

“Uh-huh, she’s actually proud of that. Helen is like a daughter to her, and a sister to my brothers and I. She’s always happy to have Helen stay over at our house.”

“She needs another girl to help her survive in ‘Testosterone Land’, huh?” Melody laughed, then blushed in embarrassment when she realised what she had just said.

Instead of giving her weird looks, Nathan laughed along with her, “Exactly. You took the words right out of my mouth. Too bad Helen isn’t much of a ‘girl’, if you get what I mean.”

“Yeah, is she staying over tonight?”

“Yup. We’re going to school together on Monday.”

“Oh,”

“I have a feeling that you’ll be coming to our house again anyway. Our mom seemed to love your company so much, that she’s bound to invite you over for dinner someday.”

“We have arrived at the Keyes Residence, Master Nathan.”

“Russell, how many times must I tell you to do away with all the formal name callings? Just refer to me as Nathan.” Nathan groaned, slapping his forehead.

“Certainly, Master Nathan.”

“You’re incorrigible, Russell.” Nathan sighed exasperatedly.

Grinning, Russell congenially answered, “Thank you. I try my best.”

“Hey Russell,” Melody politely interrupted, “How come Nathan is Master and Nathaniel is Young Master?”

“Have you not noticed how childish Young Master Nathaniel is, Melody? The title suits him.” Russell chuckled.

“Hey! You called her Melody!” Nathan protested.

“As she requested,”

“Oh, sure! Listen to her!” Nathan fumed childishly, folding his arms and sulking adorably.

“I believe that you should insert the ‘Young’ in Nathan’s title as well, Russell.” Melody laughed.

“An excellent suggestion,” Russell beamed approvingly at Melody, tipping his hat at her.

“What do you call Nate?” Melody enquired curiously.

“I chose to stick with Nate.”

“No special title for the eldest triplet? No ‘Old Master’ or anything?”

“Gracious, no!” Russell grumbled, “The last time I tried calling him ‘Old Master’ or ‘Sir’, he threatened to poison me in my sleep.”

“You know he won’t dare do that, right?” Nathan grunted.

“Ever since, he has been so unpredictable, it is best not to test him.” Russell spoke gravely, and exchanged a knowing look with Nathan.

Nathan joked, “Well, we better get you to that door before the clock strikes eleven. I wouldn’t want some angry father gunning me down for being tardy with returning his precious daughter.”

Melody scowled, “He won’t do that.”

“No, he won’t.” Nathan agreed, “But Nathaniel claimed his experience wasn’t exactly a joy ride either.”

“That’s because it’s Nathaniel we’re talking about.” Melody reminded, cracking a smile.

“Point taken. Let’s go then.”

“Bye Russell!” Melody chirped.

“It was nice meeting you, Melody. I have a feeling we shall meet again.” Russell winked.

Knock, knock, knock.

The door flew open and Melody’s father stood there with a panicked and crazed look in his eyes. “Thank heavens, you’re finally home! I was about to call the police.”

Melody glanced at her watch, “Dad, you’re overreacting, it’s only ten fifty-five. It’s not even eleven. Relax. It’s not like the Peytons were kidnapping me or something.”

Steven’s eyes flew to Nathan and narrowed. “If anything happened to her, you will regret it and I don’t care if you’re Nathaniel Peyton, son of the rich fella who owns that famous hotel chain.”

Nathan blinked, not intimidated by the scary stare he was being given. “You mistake me for my younger brother, Mr Keyes. I am Nathan Peyton, pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“You look just like him,” Steven barked.

“An unfortunate result of being born his triplet.” Nathan flashed his charming smile.

“Steven?” Melody’s mother, Melina, walked up to her husband, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Who is this young man?”

“This is Nathan, mom.” Melody introduced, as her mother shook hands with the boy. “He’s one of the Peyton triplets remember?”

“It is an honour to make your acquaintance, Mrs Keyes.”

“Call me Melina,”

“It is an honour to make your acquaintance, Melina.” Nathan beamed. Melody could tell that her mother liked Nathan very much so from the way she was smiling at him, approving vibes radiating off her.

Steven cleared his throat, “Well, say goodnight to your friend and come inside, Melody.”

“Steven!” Melina chided.

“It’s eleven,” Steven growled.

“Can I have a word with him in private, dad? Please? Just for a short while.” Melody pleaded.

Steven’s features lightened as he gazed at his daughter in adoration, but his voice retained its strict and commanding tone. “Very well, but just for a short while.”

Melody’s parents retreated into the house and she heard the fading of footsteps. However, she knew her protective father well enough that she was sure that he would be peeping through the curtains of the living room, watching out for an suspicious, inappropriate activities. Knowing Melina just as well, Melody knew her mother would then pull her father away from the window by the ear, but pounce on her daughter for details later on, like a gossipy teenager.

Nathan’s eyebrows were raised questioningly at her, a frisson of anticipation coursing through his veins.

Her eyes refused to meet his, and she kept them trained on the ground. “Umm, Nathan, there’s something I need to ask you.”

Nathan’s breath got stuck in his throat as he got carried away by his emotions, his hopeful male brain churning out silly fantasies of fervent love declarations. He just barely managed to choke out, “Fire away,”

Melody forced herself to look up, and she exhaled shakily. Nathan’s heartbeat picked up, beating away furiously in an irregular tempo.

“Did something bad happen to Nate in the past?”

What an anti-climax.

Nathan’s face fell ever so slightly, but Melody showed no indication of noticing it. As much as the mention of one of his brothers passing the lips of Melody stirred envy in him, he forced the selfish emotion out of him.

“Its not that I do not want to tell you,” Nathan sighed, his brother’s secret kept securely in his head. “But I truly believe that this is something Nate must tell you himself. When he is ready. If, he is ever ready.”

When Nate was going through those tough times, Nathaniel and he were the ones who rode it out with him. They gave the comfort that only a triplet could give his brother, and though their pain could not possible equal Nate’s, it still hurt.

“I see,” Melody replied contemplatively.

“I’m really sorry.” Nathan apologised, and Melody could see the sincerity of it in his beautiful green eyes.

“No, it’s okay. I understand. He must have really been in a lot of pain.”

“He never really recovered from it,” Nathan murmured, “And it would be prudent of you, not to bring up the matter in his presence, unless it is his wish to do so.”

“Yes, I wouldn’t want to cause him unnecessary grief and pain.”

“Just know, that it was the darkest period of his life. If you had seen it… if you had seen it, you would still be unable to comprehend the extent of his hurt.”

Melody nodded, “Does Helen know about it?”

“Yes. You could say that Nathaniel and I were in charge of sharing his pain, while Helen bore the full responsibility of being furious beyond words. It was scary, but we do not blame her.”

“Well, I guess my question has been addressed then,” Melody gave him a small smile.

“But it has not been answered. Yet.” Nathan smiled weakly and earnestly replied, “I have a feeling you will succeed though. All of us, Helen, Nathaniel and I, have noticed the change you have brought on Nate. It has been a long time since he has smiled and willingly spoke to a girl, apart from Helen. A long, long time indeed.”

“So… I guess I’ll see you on Monday then.”

“Yes, you will.” Nathan grinned. “I look forward to seeing you in class.”

A faint blush crept up on Melody’s face. “Goodnight then,”

“Goodnight Melody,” She watched as Nathan’s muscular frame retreated onto the dim street and into the car as it drove off into the night and disappeared from her view.
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
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I have a lot of mixed emotions about this chapter. Firstly, I thought it was very funny. Quite an amusing chapter, so congrats.

Second, I thought it was just a tad confusing about who-likes-who. Melody likes Nate and he likes Melody, but Melody also likes Nathan and he likes her, too. But Nate, the shy and hurt one, happens to be the one brave enough to declare his love to her. I personally think Melody and Nathan would be the perfect couple, but that's just me. Nate kind of creeped me out in this chapter. I also feel very bad for Nathaniel, because he loves Melody, but she thinks he's childish and annoying.

Third, the POV was... well, I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's okay, but I think first-person is a little better.

“I apologise,” He smiled serenely at Melody.

I think this should be sincerely, because serenely doesn't sound like the right adverb.

Nice job on this chapter! I'll be looking forward to chapter 20!
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Very guilty now. I've been reading this series for a while now.. And this is my first critique. *hangs head in shame*

Now! To work! *snaps on gloves and takes out incisors*

“Turn around,”

Why did he tell her to turn around? Oh, yes, and the comma should be a fullstop instead.

There was a… a distinct, but most peculiar look of longing in them.

I don't get the ellipse (sp?). What's it for? And perhaps "but" should be "and" instead.

“You’re beautiful, you know.” Nate murmured and Melody shivered under his intense gaze.

Comma instead of fullstop this time after the "know". Then, um, I think you might want to separate it into two sentences. Melody's shivering in one, and Nate's murmuring in the other.

“I apologise,” He smiled serenely

Kinda formal, do you not think? And the "He" shouldn't be capitalised. There's one later.. um..
She stammered,

The "S". And I don't get the ellipse in the next sentence. Just put a fullstop and ditch the "...".

opaque green eyes,

[s]eyes[/s], I should think, since you already said them in the last sentence.

His eyes were full of anger, and an ancient sadness. The look didn’t go unnoticed.

And suddenly, she can see through them.

“It is pointless to bring up the past.”

Again, very formal. He said "don't" in the last sentence, why not "It's" now?

“You’re different,” He breathed,

New paragraph. And this is the last time I'll say this: stop the capitalising!

His face fell and turned wary when he looked at Melody’s frightened and confused face.

You used two "and"s and two "face"s in the same sentence! You broke the Law of Repitition!
Naw, just joking. What I mean is, don't use them so often.

hard and flinty,

Fullstop, I should think.

Ashleigh did something bad.

Maybe "offended her" would work better?

Was he sending her mixed signals?

I think you should scrap the sentence. And the "retreat" doesn't need a "back" after it.

“Waaaaaaaaaait!!!” Helen shrieked,

Whoa! Where'd she come from?

She sat in silence, looking out the window and pondering what had just happened.

There should be an asterisk before this, or something to divide the scenes. At least, I think the scene changed, since she's suddenly sitting.

Was Nate a victim of something terrible, or was he making Ashleigh a victim.

Question mark.

her train of thoughts

"Train of thought". No "s". And refrain from repeating.

“True,”

The comma thingy again..

“Your mother is a very beautiful woman, likewise for your father. I can see where you guys got your stellar genes from. Your eyes are the exact same copy of Natalie’s. Her hair colour is very much like Helen’s though.”

This sounds a little to literary. More written than spoken, y'know? Not casual enough. Nobody says somebody else's father is a beautiful woman. Or uses the phrase "the exact copy of".

Okay, I'll stop with the grammar critting. Most of your mistakes after these are the same, so I won't bother. Now, the real review of the overall:

It's more serious than the previous chapters. I know Nate's been hurt very bad and all, but I think he's overreacting. If I could talk to Nate, I'd say: Get over it!!
I know, I'm tactless. But if a girl ditches you like that, she isn't worth thinking about.

I like that the story is in 3rd person - less confusion. However, I enjoy reading the 1st person views more. You can keep the 1st person POVs.. Just put a bolded Melody or whatever first.

I'm not a big fan of your work, and I'm not saying that it's very good, but it just keeps me reading. So fix up your punctuation and formality. I think I'll love it then!

Hope I helped.

Cheers,
Lily

PS: Feeling like a hypocrite now.
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*stares*
That's weird. The chapters you prefer aren't the ones I prefer, and vice versa.

Anyhooooo,
Looks like this needs to be worked on a lot.
But I can easily change it to Melody's POV.

Dang, I should do an entire write up on all the main characters. Like an analysis.
Then it would be easier for me to explain everything to you guys.
*runs around in circles in a panicked manner*

Thanks for your help though :D
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
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I am still lazy. >.<

I liked this chapter! Except for the fact that it was in 3rd person point of view. You have done all the rest in first person POV, so changing it here really doesn't make any sense.

Plus, I would think that it would sound better in first person.

Lily and Selene took care of all the nitpicks, so good job!
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