Perfect (REVISED)

I have no idea what possessed me to write this but I guess I'll just throw it out there...

Enjoy.

EDIT: I revised it, using the suggestions of those who replied! Thank you guys!

~~

I had a dream once upon a time,

that I was flying,

simply flying,

mingling with the stars and watching comets go by,

and playing hide and seek with the wind,

and then I raced with the raindrops that fell from their mother clouds

toward the earth going fast,

but I was not scared,

I was calm,

simply calm.

The sea swallowed me up in the folds of her dark blue dress,

and I swam down down,

and ran my nonexistent fingers through the anemones of many colors,

but they did not sting me,

and the eels and the fish and the dolphins,

and sharks and whales all swam around me,

and I was joyful,

simply joyful.

Then I stepped up on the land and making no footprints or sounds,

I watched the trees the tall tall trees,

holding conversations and enjoying the cool evening,

and I didn't care to talk to them,

I preferred to listen to the stories,

the wonderful stories they told,

about the moon and the sun,

and the beauty of the world that everyone else was too busy to notice.

Then I took the branches of the tallest tree,

and I climbed high high high to the top,

and I watched the eagles soar,

and I observed the world around me,

and it was beautiful,

simply beautiful,

and I was free,

simply free.

Good job!

I really liked the concept and the imagery in this.

It was like you were slowly painting a picture in my mind using your words.

But I think if you were to break it up into stanzas and add some punctuation it would have more of a rhythm to it, because it seemed like a ginormous run-on.

Myrcei wrote:Good job!

I really liked the concept and the imagery in this.

It was like you were slowly painting a picture in my mind using your words.

But I think if you were to break it up into stanzas and add some punctuation it would have more of a rhythm to it, because it seemed like a ginormous run-on.

Thanks for reviewing! I'm kind of cautious about adding punctuation though. I kinda feel too much would conflict with the idea of having absolutely no bounds.

I really liked it.

I just have one teeny suggestion.

I think you need to combine some of the lines and create some stanzas. And the flow seemed a little off at some points.

Over all it was very nice.

Keep Writing!