Trust Me, I Will

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This is just some little idea that came to me recently. I'm not sure I'll continue it but I'll see what you people think. Sorry it's mostly telling rather than showing, but if I continue it I'll make up for it with following chapters ;)
Hope you enjoy :D

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Luke Greenwood.
If you had said that name to me about a year ago, I probably would have shivered. Back then I hated every inch of him. From his messy, disarrayed brown hair, right down to his large green Wellingtons I usually saw him trudge around in, while he busied himself on his father's farm.
He also hated every inch of me. From my sleek, light brown hair, to everything else to do with me. My friends, my interests, you name it. He always used to have some smart-alec comment about it. Even my own name was often criticized by him with calls of, "Mooooo! "Oh, Maisie Moo!" up the corridors at school, causing my face to flush red as I flee the corridor.
I too was also on the giving end of this as well, not just receiving. The hatred between us had really intensified after an argument in primary school. I had shouted something completely below the belt that I was sure he had never ever forgave me for ("At least my mummy still LOVES ME!")
Luke had never really got to know his mother well, she had left his father when he was young. Thinking back to that moment now, I cringe in shame. It was very cruel on him. As children, we had no mercy with our childish insults, we both had felt the sting of a particularly harsh one many times before.
But then, he really did deserve it at the time.
Luke Greenwood was a cheeky, arrogant, scruffy lout who thought he knew everything best. All I ever heard out of his mouth was snide, jeering comments, or rude snorts if I said anything he thought was 'amusing.' Usually it was if I was talking about music I liked. We were on opposite sides of No Man's Land on that battle, he was more into Snow Patrol rather than my usual favourites.
Our wars were relentless and we had no mercy on each other, and the tally marks of our wins and loses had long outstretched a piece of paper.
Countless times we were pulled away kicking and spitting at each other by our friends during some childish playground fights. These matured into snapping, snarky remarks at one another from opposite sides of classrooms, or from my bedroom window across from his mucky farm yard.
As to why we had such hostility to each other... it really was an idiotic reason. It was almost knitted into our genetics, both our Grandfathers had resented each other.
All I know about it is that it involved drunken gambling, some form of cheating, and my own Granda ending up losing nearly all of his land and livestock. With no money to make with the little land he had left, there was no point in keeping the rest.
And so the hatred of the Greenwoods was passed from person to person, ending with me.
Of course, the whole thing had nothing to do with me. Why should I even care? The fact is, I don't. I'm glad I don't live on some stinking pile of muck with a bunch of cows and sheep as company.
The real reason I detested Luke Greenwood was because the scruffy farm boy who never seemed to grow up. The rude, smug faced guy that never ceased to annoy me.
To me, he was always my arch enemy. I avoided him when I could, talked behind his back when I did, and we tore each other apart when we were forced together. It was a circle that was hardly ever broken.
Until that summer...
“Poetry is old, ancient, goes back far. It is among the oldest of living things. So old it is that no man knows how and why the first poems came.”

--Carl Sandburg




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Hey Moo!:D

What happened?!?! :shock: Seriously, I must know now!

I liked this, although I felt it was a little bit short.
I would like to know more about the characters, such as the type of music that Maisie likes! You could add it in easily here;
he was more into Snow Patrol rather than my usual favourites.

You could add, 'such as... (artist)' onto the end, but that's only a suggestion!:)
I also think you could add in a bit more description of Luke's appearance, such as eye colour, height or face shape, although I suppose it's good not to force too much into one chapter! :wink:

As far as I can tell there were no spelling errors in this part of the story. One comment about your grammar though, is that you use a lot of commas. I think you should try to vary your punctuation with semi-colons etc, just to change it a little bit. That's just my thoughts!:)

I would like to read more of this soon!:D

:smt069

- Prospekt
this is all I've ever wanted from life




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Wow. you really should continue that. It would make an amazing story. I'm hooked on that little extract!

Don't use as many paragraphs though. I really hope you continue it.

Wot song is that extract from?



Sometimes wisdom came from strange places, even from giant teenaged goldfish.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena