Things They Say

They say that we are safe,
that the bombs are just for show,
but what will come tomorrow
even They can never know.
They say that Armageddon,
is just an ugly dream.
They try awfully hard to tell us,
that all they want is peace.
They say they'll call the soldiers home,
that there'll be no more war
And as much as they try to convince us,
that the missles'll never fly,
They Lie.

You should do away with rhyming poetry unless you're Shakespeare. It's something that I learned the hard way.

I do like the idea of this. Try to put it into a non-rhyming form. Also, break it up into stanzas. The only reason a poem shouldn't be in stanzas is if the line relates to the last line, so on and so forth.

An interesting poem, but I have to say the ending left a little to be wanted. And not in a good way.

Also, you don't have to put a comma at the end of each line. It should look a little more like this:

They say that we are safe,

that the bombs are just for show,

but what will come tomorrow

even they can never know.

They say that Armageddon

is just an ugly dream.

They try awfully hard to tell us

that all they want is peace.

They say they'll call the soldiers home.

That there'll be no more war

But as much as they try to convince us,

that the missles will never fly,

they lie.



Actually, looking at the ending, it's okay. It doesn't need editing, but you can if you want to.

I actually really love this poem, as harsh as my critique may seem. Just some spelling and gramatical errors, and after that it's pretty good.

Ending line is awful and should be scrapped. It totally doesn't mesh with the rest of the poem, and it doesn't make enough sense to justify it being left in. See, if the line was particularly poetic, it might stay, but the last line clashes not because it's out of character, but because it's simply a bad bad line. if you take any advice let it be that one.

Also; mankind

This poem suffers because the term "they" is poorly defined or characterized. You give us no compelling reason why "they" should be feared. You simply launch into the action. No adjectives, no use of language to convey menace. Which is what you need. To this end, I'd rather you spoke more figuratively. Leave some mystery, because mystery breeds fear. "They" is not sufficient. We know who you mean. I mean, the idea is here, and has been used before but doesn't strike me as cliché. But this is a poor angle from which to approach the question. We are not a part of this poem, and so there is no reason to care. We do no work, and therefore we have no reward to reap. To reiterate; give us description, give us opacity, give us emotions to feel, and let us draw your conclusion.

Too much tell, and no show what so ever. This must change.

i like the message behind this. I think it is okay that the poem has no stanzas. It's our poem and you can do what you want with it in order to get your point across, especially since it is free form. I think everyone is being incredibly hard on you. I have had the format of my poems attacked before when I set it up the way I wanted it to. The last line is good. It leaves the reader ith a lasting impression, and it ihas a sense of finallity about it. I like that you use 'they'. If people can't figure out who 'they' are, then they are not paying attention to teh meaning of the poem. I thing some people should take themselves a little less seriously and realize that you like this, otherwise you probably would not have put this up. The point of these things is to be constructive, not tell you to re-do the whole thing. I thought it was pretty good.

Hey I really enjoyed that poem. There is a lot of truth in that, as well as a nice ring. Well, I can't really critique this, since I'm not experienced in poetry whatsoever. It looks to me like you're portraying the media. the media...

Thank you all, for the replies, but I have to say, I agree with the Novices,
no, the last line is NOT out of character,
It's a statement.
It needeth no stanzas. and wanteth to rhyme,
So be it. I never said "They" should be feared
I said "They" are liars. and "They" are.
what exactly is the idea, my friend?
I'd really like to know,
and when you find the answer,
will it to me you send?
but untill you do,
away, away you go.
tis not a poem to make you work,
but a poem to make you think,
about what may lurk,
and what may stink
of deceit and decay
oh, so what shall ye say?


Again, I appreciate you comments, and thank you for reading.
I believe poetry should be about what makes YOU move, not the audience, I am not writing for them, I'm writing for me. I will take serious critiques, but I do not like those who just "don't like the way I wrote it" but anyhow, no time to rant now.

Viva La Revolucion!

Hopefully this educated some people to not always listen to what the government and militart tell them

Once again, I like the whole concept you have and you executed it finely. It actually rhymes too. I don't like how "they" tell us that we're safe, when really we are all in danger. September 11 for example, the people in the surrounding buildings of the first accident. They told them they were fine, when really they should've just evacuated. But I hope they learned from their mistakes.

-Angel's Symphony