Forbidden Fruit

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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 1
The Lie looked so tasty and delicious

And the Truth was swabbed in dirt

And I sat there on the bench

Watching

and deciding

I remembered the other tree

Which was to my right

Which had all my futures

Half good

Half bad

And they were all based

On the two fruits

Other neither

I could bite into

Because I wanted them all




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Gender Female
Points 1698
Reviews 84
I'm not going to pretend i totally understood it, but don't take that into account for to much. Metaphors often get past me. It was an interesting thought though, and it has definite possibilities.

My numero uno point: It's poetry! No need to make subject/verb sentences or using articles or any of that good stuff!
Right now, it almost sounds prose-ish, only with weird spacing. So don't worry about making coherent sentences, just work on getting the thought out there. Think less words, more artistic.

Hoping this was helpful, and not just a bunch of gibberish! =)
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
-Michael Pritchard




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 7
A very pretty peice of work! I am thinking you are trying to explain the the dividing line between truth and lies (reality and fantasy?). That it is wonderful living in this earth, in this realm...but the seduction of a fantasy world equally strong? I hope thats what it is, otherwise I sound very odd. Almost biblical when you understand Adam and Eve, and the whole choice to free-will thing.

Very good job!
SOL



You walk into this room at your own risk, because it leads to the future, not a future that will be but one that might be. This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace.
— Rod Serling