'You're my reason,' a love song with three different parts

Uhm..this is my first 'lyric,' and one of the few songs I've actually attempted writing. Feedback is welcomed...including whether or not you think it would be worth setting to music.

You’re My Reason
*B=both singers, F=female singer, M=male singer
B: only you can see what I’ve been through
F:I burn inside, the flame consumes all that I knew, and you stand, staring, looking, I lash out, and you hide.
M: I stare, standing here, cemented to the floor, I can’t speak, so silence I abide
F: I look into your eyes, and see the shadow of what was passion, unlike his, that rage with a tempest’s might
M: Your stare pierces me, penetrates my mind, and I can’t take the bite-
F: I have to hate you until I know you-I can’t risk it again-
M: I loved her, I can’t see beyond the shadow of her end.
Both: oh, how can I live again?
F: My hands tremble with the thought of sweet revenge-
M: If her death was something I could avenge-
F: Everyone says I should move on-
M: I can’t take the fact that she’s gone-
F: I look at you, and I wonder-
M: I see her face, and think; am I wrong to look at another-
Both: Oh I need to know:
M: it’s killing me, to see everything that should have been ours-
F: He sure wasn’t the type to bring me flowers-
M: If I could live again, then her memory wouldn’t sting-
F: I want to see what I can be, but anger still rings-
Both: And when I look into your eyes, I find a reason. (echo F) a reason
M: If I didn’t yearn for her-
F: I just can’t be sure-
M: now I feel only injustice-
F: it finally hurts now, that I see what I missed-
Both: when I look into your eyes, I see a reason .
M: A reason to live, a reason to care-
F: A reason to love, a reason to-
Both: carry on-
Interlude..
F: I didn’t want you, I couldn’t trust anyone-
M: I was so unsure, but now I know she’d want this for me-
F: I didn’t want you, but you cared, you’re so much stronger than that lout ever was-
M: I couldn’t stop searching for someone to understand-
F: It sure wasn’t love at first sight, but now I need you-
M: I was so afraid of forgetting her.
Both: But now I need you-
M: Cause you’re my reason
F: My reason to live, my reason to hope-
Both: oh, you’re my reason

.............
If I set it to music, it would be a sort of soft rock or modern country tune.
Come on now, critique this girl out the door!
Cheers!
--Voxina

Hi Vox! Here as you requested - sorry it took so long. Let's start!

The first thing I want to say is that proper formatting would make this easier to read. I know this is a lyric, not a poem, but you could still divide it up into stanzas (and make it clear who is singing). That would also give me more of a sense of the rhythm you had in mind.

Now the actual content. It's a good idea, and worded well, but it's a bit...confusing. I'm not sure what the relationship is between the male and female: they're ex-lovers, but then when they sing in third person...are they still singing about each other? Or two new people? That needs to be clear. But, here's an idea

Either way, instead of writing the singers' thoughts and feelings in the present, what if you told us their story? Everything you have here, while pretty, could be That would be so cool, es

So, I think this has a ton of potential and you should definitely try setting it to music, if only to see how it sounds. That would also help in revising the words. Keep writing (more lyrics!) PM me if you need any help.

Hi Vox! Here as you requested - sorry it took so long. Let's start!

The first thing I want to say is that proper formatting would make this easier to read. I know this is a lyric, not a poem, but you could still divide it up into stanzas (and make it clear who is singing). That would also give me more of a sense of the rhythm you had in mind.

Now the actual content. It's a good idea, and worded well, but it's a bit...confusing. I'm not sure what the relationship is between the male and female: they're ex-lovers, but then when they sing in third person...are they still singing about each other? Or two new people? That needs to be clear. But, here's an idea

Instead of writing the singers' thoughts and feelings in the present, what if you told us their story? Everything you have here, while pretty, could be condensed into one or two stanzas, or the interlude, or whatever. I just want to know more.

So, I think this has a ton of potential and you should definitely try setting it to music, if only to see how it sounds. That would also help in revising the words. Keep writing (more lyrics!) PM me if you need any more help.

Thanks for the feedback! I agree...it could use some work.