Blind - Chapter 14

8 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4495
Reviews 228
You must be tired of my long introductions.
Let's just call these the 'uneventful-but-somehow-necessary' chapters.
----------
Riiiiing!

“Class dismissed.” Mr Reynolds announced, arranging the papers on his table. “Remember to do your assignment on the different types of poetry.”

“Woohoo! Lunch time!” Nathaniel hopped eagerly from his seat, hurrying everyone. “Come on, Nate, stop moving like a tortoise. I heard that there’s chicken lasagna today!”

“The pot calls the kettle black.” Nate yawned, lazily packing his books into his bag. You call me the tortoise but look who’s the one who took his time being born.”

My brother mock scowled. “I was only born eight minutes after Nathan!”

“And eleven minutes after me. In my opinion, it sounded like you wanted to stay in there.”

“Uh, Nate?” I intervene, feeling a bit sick, “I really didn’t need that picture in my mind.”

“You’re the one who’s mind is in the gutter.” Nate snorted, and a lock of streaked blond hair fell to his face. He brushed it away and added, “Shame on you, having such undesirable thoughts about our mother.”

“I wasn’t!” I hissed indignantly, my face turning red in a mixture of fury and embarrassment.

At that moment, Helen approached us, holding a piece of paper in her hand. “You wasn’t what?” She asked me, her sienna eyes clouded in confusion.

Nathaniel piped in, “Nathan claimed that he wasn’t having-”

“Unsavoury thoughts about our mother.” Nate finished.

“I was not!” I declared hotly, my face still burning brightly.

“Guys, stop bullying Nathan.” Helen sighed, sounding almost like our mother.

“Thanks, Helen.” I smiled warmly at her, hugging her affectionately. It would really be nice to have a sister like Helen around to keep those two brothers of mine in check. “Oh hey, what’s the paper for?”

She promptly handed it to me. “It’s a map of your house. I figured that Melody and the Shelby clone would need it.”

My brothers and I scanned the map of our house, drawn in red ink.

“Helen,” Nate shook his head, “You’re no Van Gogh.”

“Takes one to know one.” She laughed lightly, not taking offence in my brother’s comment.”

Grinning goofily, Nathaniel snickered, “Are you sure you’ve been to our house before, Hel? Because the last time I recalled, we didn’t have a toilet in the storage room.”

Helen flushed pink, “Well, you should.” She stuck her tongue out at Nathaniel, who doubled up in laughter at Helen’s flustered expression. “You can’t expect me to remember everything correctly about your gigantic mansion in one hour.”

“You spent the entire lesson doing this?” I asked. She nodded her head.

“Let me guess, you didn’t hear a single Mr Reynolds said.” I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

“Yup,” She crumpled up the failed map and tossed it into the wastepaper basket.

“Helen, this poetry research constitutes as ten percent of our English grade.”

“Pfft, big deal. Ten percent hardly makes a difference.”

“It makes a big deal, okay? Every mark counts.” I flung my hands in the air, to emphasise on the ‘big’ part.

“Nathan, not everyone’s out to get on the honour roll like you are.” I huffed in reply, giving up. I could never seem to win an argument against her.

“Nathaniel called you ‘Hel’ again.” Nate pointed out casually.

“Aww man! Why’d you have to tell her?” Nate shrugged.

“You know what that means, Peyton.” Helen grinned wickedly.

“Helen, baby, it’s me, Nathaniel.” My brother whined, putting on his puppy dog eyes. “Your best friend. Remember all the good times we shared?”

“Yes,” Helen replied, folding her arms. “I also remembered all the bad times too.”

“Aww, it’s good to forgive and forget, remember?” Nathaniel pouted, his lower lip trembling, looking as if he was near tears. What a drama queen. “Please, Helen, you can’t do this to me! I’ll die!”

Ignoring his pleas, she answered, “No more of Mrs. Keeane’s chocolate chip cookies for a month. That’s final.”

“Nathaniel, stop acting like it’s the end of the world.” I glanced at my watch and panicked. “Ack, ten minutes have already passed! We’ve to hurry! I told Melody that we were meeting her in the cafeteria for lunch.”

Normally, Melody had all her classes with us, but today she had a meeting with someone at the school’s office during the period before lunch break.

“What for?” Helen inquired.

“I want to dicuss about the Home Economics project with Nathaniel and her.” I lied.

My real agenda for inviting Melody to lunch was so that I could talk to her. These days she was rather chummy with Nathaniel and Helen, but till now she was still shy towards me. It made me feel frustrated.

Granted, she was also shy around Nate, but that didn’t count. I don’t blame her, looking at the hostile or indifferent way Nate would treat girls.

I was hoping that talking about the Home Economics project would allow me to monopolise the conversation with Melody, considering that Nathaniel couldn’t cook food without making it turn black.

I knew I was being selfish, but a really big part of me wanted Melody to know more about me. I didn’t want to be just ‘Nathaniel’s brother’ or ‘Helen’s best friend’ anymore.

“Hey…” Helen’s perplexed voice interrupted my train of thoughts. “Where did Nathaniel go?”

We popped our heads outside of the classroom, and saw that Nathaniel was already speeding towards the direction of the cafeteria.
***

She was sitting in a secluded spot by herself, where the student population was sparse, looking unmistakably uncomfortable. It was no surprise to see a book in her hands.

We had managed to catch up with Nathaniel, who was a bit peeved that I didn’t tell him earlier on that we would be meeting Melody, and that we kept her waiting.

Approaching her, I got a clearer view of the book. Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. A brilliantly written book, even if it was a romance novel.

“Piano!” Nathaniel beamed elatedly and swooped her up into an unexpected, and most likely uninvited, hug.

Melody squeaked in shock and dropped her book. Picking it up for her, I sighed, slight irritation colouring my tone, “Nathaniel, put Melody down.”

I returned her the book as she smoothed out the creases on her black vest. She was dressed in a preppy outfit today, the style I usually dressed in. Under her sleek black vest, she was wearing a collared, white button-up shirt. Her long black pants looked like the kind you would see business ladies wearing to their offices. Her gorgeous brown hair was tied up in a ponytail, stray curls framing her face.

As usual, Nate looked bored, but being his triplet, I could somehow tell that he was deep in thought about something.

“Hey Melody!” Helen grinned, linking her arms with Melody’s. “Sorry to keep you waiting. Shall we get some lunch?”

My brothers and I followed suit, trailing after the girls as Helen conversed animatedly with Melody, who would softly reply, her words never reaching my ears.

After getting out lunches, we returned to the same table and I quickly settled down, eager to begin my conversation with Melody.

My chances of speaking to Melody were squashed out before I even began to open my mouth. All our heads turned to his impulsive voice, shocked speechless.

“Hello Melody. I believe we haven’t been properly acquainted, have we?” Nate asked, a faint smile playing on his lips.
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1781
Reviews 143
Hi, Meep! :D
I am anti-pop, and I shall be your critique today. Pleased to meet you! *bows*


“Class dismissed,[s]Mr Reynolds announced,[/s] announced Mr. Reynolds, arranging the papers on his table. “Remember to do your assignment on the different types of poetry.”



“Let me guess: you didn’t hear a single word Mr. Reynolds said,” I sighed, rubbing my forehead.



“Yup.” She crumpled up the failed map and tossed it into the wastepaper basket.



“Nathan, not everyone’s out to get on the honour roll like you are.”
I huffed in reply, giving up. I could never seem to win an argument against her.

Start a new line break after the dialogue. The way you have written it makes it seem like the narrator is speaking about himself.

“Nathaniel called you ‘Hel’ again,” Nate pointed out casually.



“You know what that means, Peyton.” Helen grinned wickedly.

This could just be because of the late hour, but who is Peyton? I don't think I missed anything. Perhaps you meant Nathaniel?

“Yes,” Helen replied, folding her arms. “I also remember[s]ed[/s] all the bad times too.”



“I want to [s]dicuss about[/s] discuss the Home Economics project with Nathaniel and her,” I lied.



Approaching her, I got a clearer view of the book. [s]Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.[/s] Jane Austen's Pride and Predjudice.



Ooh, I just noticed that this is Chapter 14 to your story. Ah well. I still enjoyed it. When I have the time, I will probably go back and read the rest!
The only thing that confused me at first was the names of the triplets. However, it wasn't too difficult to figure it out, and as I so dimly realized after I was finished with the review, you are already well into your storyline.


*anti-pop
...Bitter cold, it grows
changing holds
cynicism the new norm...

-Libretto




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 51
I definetely loved the last line (as usual)!

Ummm it wa way too confusing becaue of the POV and you mixed up people's names and that really confused me and made my head dizzy and made me try and comprehend again but I still got dizzy from confusion and it kept going and going and my head went BOOF!

:P
Keep it Old Skool.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2365
Reviews 146
This chapter just seemed to slow for me. Your on chapter 14 and you haven't even gotten to the romance yet. I mean, I enjoy every word you write, but you need to quicken your pace a bit. Other than that I loved your chapter. :D

I found one error:

"You wasn’t what?”

This is grammatically incorrect. It should be weren't instead of wasn't.

I'll be awaiting chapter 15! :D
Got YWS?

You judge others upon their actions, but you judge yourself by your intention.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4495
Reviews 228
anti-pop: Thanks for the review!
And yeah, you would understand better if you read the previous chapters :)
clup91: Gosh, I'm sorry. I'm confusing everyone.
Its much easier to read if you think that Nate and Nathan are completely separate names from Nathaniel, and not just branched out from his :)
SeleneForeverDream: Woah. Do you have ESP?
Because I was planning to add some *ahem* romance in the next chapter :D
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 51
It's not the names that confuse me, I think you should look over it for sure before you post, mmm'kay?
x
Keep it Old Skool.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 10701
Reviews 356
oh, I was last to review. Again. i must check on updates more frequently. Anyway, i found something that might help you! So:
“The pot calls the kettle black.” Nate yawned, lazily packing his books into his bag."You call me the tortoise but look who’s the one who took his time being born.”


“Nathaniel called you ‘Hel’ again.” Nate pointed out casually.

“Aww man! Why’d you have to tell her?” Nate shrugged.


Shouldn't it be "Nathaniel" that shrugged?

Anyway, loved it. As always.
Keep on writing!
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. You feel it.

The Buddy System Check us out!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4495
Reviews 228
Clup91: I still don't get it...
Sorry :(

*writewatiwant*
Technically, Nate shrugging would be a response to the question. It was Nathaniel that spoke, but Nate that shrugged in reply. Sorry about that ._.
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"



You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.
— Joyce Meyer