Don't judge me by my looks!

My cousin questions, “Why are you always grumpy?”
My friend wonders, “Would it hurt you to smile?”
Instead of always asking me the same question
You should search for the answer, once in a while

Behind that comment you pass so casually,
Underneath that so-called harmless word,
Are several memories; painful and unbearable
Cries and screams that go unheard.

Did it ever cross your mind that every passing day
I face the challenge of fighting my fears.
Insecurity has become an inseparable part of me
And I am so used to those uncontrollable tears.

Your mother isn’t obsessed with losing weight
And your parent’s don’t bicker every single night.
Your dad doesn’t smoke and hide the fact from you.
You never suffer in darkness; away from the light.

Unless you know what I’ve been through,
Until your confidence shook,
If you’ve never walked in my shoes,
Don’t judge me by my look.

A very interesting poem.

Did it ever cross your mind that every passing day
I face the challenge of fighting my fears.
Insecurity has become an inseparable part of me
And I am so used to those uncontrollable tears.

Line two of this stanza feels a little off, flow wise. Line three could be read as repetitive, since words so close together both start with "in"

Your mother isn’t obsessed with losing weight
And your parent’s don’t bicker every single night.
Your dad doesn’t smoke and hide the fact from you.
You never suffer in darkness; away from the light.

I find the last line here forced. People who suffer in darkness usually are away from the light.

First Impression- From the title I thought it was going to be more towards external beauty vs. internal beauty, but I was pleasently surprised. This talks more about how you need to dig behind the masks people wear to find out what's really happening.

Overall- I found this was done really well. I loved the theme, and it's a message people could really take to heart.

Keep it up!

~Rosey

fun4eva wrote:My cousin questions, “Why are you always grumpy?”
My friend wonders, “Would it hurt you to smile?”
Instead of always asking me the same question
You should search for the answer, once in a while

Behind that comment you pass so casually,
Underneath that so-called harmless word,
Are several memories; painful and unbearable
Cries and screams that go unheard.

The complete first stanza and half of the second stanza repeat themselves for some reason. Why are you wasting that space telling us the same thing over and over again? It is a poor way to start a poem, by rehashing the same idea so the reader is immediately bored.

The second half of the last stanza needs changing as well because those words are overused to the point where they barely contain emotion anymore. Get rid of "painful and unbearable" and "cries and screams". Replace it with original adjectives, creative ones.

Did it ever cross your mind that every passing day
I face the challenge of fighting my fears.
Insecurity has become an inseparable part of me
And I am so used to those uncontrollable tears.

Your mother isn’t obsessed with losing weight
And your parent’s don’t bicker every single night.
Your dad doesn’t smoke and hide the fact from you.
You never suffer in darkness; away from the light.

I was unimpressed. Nowhere in here did you actually make the reader feel as if they should be standing in your shoes, feeling what you feel. The paragraph about your family is the worst offender; it's a laundry list of everything wrong with your life, and I don't care. What will make me care is if you show me why that matters and how you've perceived it through your eyes. Persuade me. Add imagery and language from the heart.

Unless you know what I’ve been through,
Until your confidence shook,
If you’ve never walked in my shoes,
Don’t judge me by my look.

This was a tolerable ending because it was so simple, I suppose. It struck a bell somewhere in my mind that in its purity, it didn't need any elaboration; at the ending of a poem, it's refreshing to see something that isn't imbued with more than need be. That is not true for the rest of your story. As I've stated above, include imagery, examples, vivid descriptions, and above all else, raw emotion. You want people to know how you feel inside? Then show it, don't write it so it sounds utterly devoid of "human".

Hope that helped.