Namine

6 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4362
Reviews 263
Namine is a dreamer,
And a writer of her dreams
Music and harmony
Inhabit her soul.
Nobody is what they call her,
Everything is what she is to me.
Last edited by Angels-Symphony on Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 10701
Reviews 356
Hi there!
I'm Kat, and I'm gonna review this since everyone else were rude enough to not say anything.
I think this is cute! :D Too short... it's like one of those little poems you do, to put a smile on your friends face, not really to publish or to ask for major reviews. Am I right?
Nobody is what they call her,


This line is a bit confusing. I can't suggest a different one, because I don't know your friend so I can't really describe her (obviously).
Anyway, this is cute, but well... that's all that it is...
Keep writing!
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. You feel it.

The Buddy System Check us out!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6100
Reviews 121
It's a short poem, so there isn't too much to comment on, but it really is a sweet poem. It brings a smile to my face, so I'm sure it'll bring a smile to your friend's face. :D

I love how everything just fits together, almost like you have three stanzas in one. You have a small bit of repetition with 'dream' in the first two lines, but I really think it works, as the rest of them all seem to have a bit of repetition. It's like your stating something and then adding to it, and it does work with this poem.

And a writer of her dreams

I think you're missing a bit of punctuation at the end of this line. Probably something like just a period to let this come to a full stop before you go on to the next one. Or, you could add in a semicolon, to connect the first two lines to the middle two lines. But, it needs some sort of punctuation.

Music and harmony
Inhabit her soul.

I really think that part is beautiful and that this is the heart of the whole thing. I love how everything just flows within this poem and even without the Name part of it, it's still a poem.

Nobody is what they call her,

I feel a bit sad for your friend, if everyone calls her 'nobody,' but I do see how your next line makes up for this. It's like I said in the beginning, stating something and then adding to it. People call her 'nobody,' but you call her 'everything.' I do have to say that you might want to still be careful about this line, because it is a rather powerful line--and not really in a good way. Of course, you know your friend.

Overall: I think it's a wonderful, sweet poem. I really like the way you see your friend and how your emotion can be seen within this poem. It really is powerful, especially within the end. I'm sure your friend will love it. :D

Good luck!

- Tatra
Some people fall in love and touch the sky.
Some people fall in love and find Quicksand.

- Incubus




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 64
Ah! Short and sweet! I like!

This poem definitely makes someone smile. It gives hope and inspires.

I like doing the name things where you have to find an adjective that fits you and starts with the letters of your name. I never thought of doing a poem out of your name! Brilliant! This is so cool.

Namine is a dreamer,
And a writer of her dreams


Awesome!

Nobody is what they call her,
Everything is what she is to me.


Beautiful line!

I love all your poems! Can't wait to read more!

Becca




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 273
Namine is a dreamer,

And a writer of her dreams

Music and harmony

Inhabit her soul.

Nobody is what they call her,

Everything is what she is to me.


Aw; I really like this poem, short and sweet. It definitely puts a smile on my face. She must have loved it xD Very inspiring. Two lines that I think need fixed:

Nobody is what they call her

I don't understand this :lol:
and
Everything is what she is to me

I do understand this, but I think it's sort of awkward. It's a very sweet line though, and phrased properly it could be amazing:

maybe have:

She is everything to me
or
To me she is everything

Overall:
This was really good. Short and sweet. It flowed really well too. My favourite part:
Music and harmony inhabit her soul
I really like this line. It's beautiful.

Well done, your poems rock ;)
xD
xoxo
for what are we without words and stories?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4362
Reviews 263
Thank you ^^ I really appreciate all of your reviews xD
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.



Be the annoying goose you want to see in the world.
— Welcome to Night Vale