Hanna's Holocaust; Part Two

Part two of Hanna's Holocaust short story.

January 17th, 1936.

It has been such a long time since I have recorded in this journal last. I seemed to have grown up so much. A lot of changes have been made since the year 1934. I am two years older. My father still has no job, so we are not living too well, money wise. Momma is trying to teach Evette how to speak, but without a proper education that they give little girls, she will never learn the correct way to speak.

Sadly, there are no more play days. We must work all the time. Thomas and I do not get paid for what we do in the factories. Since I have gotten older, I have begun to understand more and more about this trouble in Germany. Papa is starting to tell me about the Nazis, and how they are trying to kill all the Jewish people.

Hitler doesn’t believe that the Jewish should have any rights at all, even the right to be free and to live. I don’t think it is at all fair that we should be killed for believing in a certain way. I can only hope and pray to get out of this war and Holocaust alive and safely. I hope the same for my family too.

Papa cannot vote anymore. He wants to have a say in something, but since we are Jewish people, we cannot have say in anything. Momma has been crying a lot lately; she doesn’t want the Nazis and Hitler to come take Thomas, Evette and me away.

June 17th, 1939

Papa tells me that I must follow his orders. If the Nazis catch us doing something that we are not supposed to be, we can be arrested and put in jail, or even worse, sentenced to death. I have heard rumors that there is such thing called a “gas chamber”, which puts you in a room and the Nazis fill it with gas and kill you.

The other day, Papa came home and told us that we had to wear yellow stars of David to represent that we were Jewish. On his way walking home, he said he saw a bunch of women all lined up, waiting to get into this big door with nothing but their arms wrapped around their fragile bodies. The Nazis were directing them where to go. I couldn’t imagine this picture in my head; it made me so upset to think that it could possibly be me and Momma soon.

I used to think that living in a war was not that bad, until it started to affect us and around where we lived. I now hope and wish for peace and to not be taken away by those evil men. If Thomas got taken away, I don’t know what I would do without him. He is like my best friend, and I tell him everything. I love him with all of my heart, as he is my brother.

September 8, 1940.

I am having nightmares about the Nazis taking me away and putting me in the gas chambers. In the nightmares, I am screaming and crying and kicking the military generals. I notice the way that they tell us it is a sauna or a shower room, and there is no place to change our clothes. The big dark brown door seems to be getting closer and closer to my reach. I am always waiting in line, the third in line for the gas chamber. Just waiting to be killed. I scream, “This is not fair! I have family and a home that I love! Don’t kill me, please, please, don’t kill me!” The generals feel no mercy towards a mere sixteen year old such as me. The Nazis are screaming words at me, although I cannot seem to understand them. My ears sound as if they were filled with water, and I can’t hear anything. As soon as I am pushed in through the door of the gas chamber, I feel a warm breeze and a revolting smell, and I wake up from my nightmare.

I always have wondered if that is how it is really going to be. I was not sure how much different it would be. Momma and Papa have not let me leave the house, for they are scared that the military generals will take me away. My parents would rather risk their own lives than to sacrifice their children.


Thanks for reading...part 3 coming soon. [Which is the last part of the story.]

Onto part two:

I seemed to have grown up so much.

Seem shouldn't be in the past tense.

year 1934

I'm pretty sure you said it was 1933 in Part 1. Make sure you're consistent!

Momma is trying to teach Evette how to speak,

I assume you mean speak properly. You should explain this. My first impression upon reading this is that the MC's two year old sister couldn't talk yet.

stars of David

Rewrite as "Stars of David".

September 8, 1940.

Why would she randomly write in her diary four years later? If you want an interesting Holocaust novel, set it in 1942 or something from the beginning.

revolting smell

It is a well known fact that the gas the Nazis used smelled sweet.

So there are your nit-picks!

Other critique:
You really need to brush up on your Holocaust knowledge. You know the basics. By '36 the Jews would have been segregated in Ghettos. They wouldn't just be "poor". They would be in dire, dire poverty. They would be starving on the streets.

Hope this helped,
Sakura

I liked this. It wasn't without its flaws but the narrative is unpretentious and simple. I like that. The girl, however, I think sounds too young for her age. She sounds to me like she's around seven, not ten, or, in this case twelve is it? On the plus side it was quite insightful and interesting. Its flaws:

Lack of research, you need a bit more research to make this story. Some of your facts aren't right, Sakura, you bet me *muses*

You don't delve in deep enough. You need to give us more information about her thoughts and feelings. A diary is a very personal thing. She should have inner truths, fears and hopes, dreams and confessions. Give us those.

She doesn't appear human. See above for more information. We need to know her hopses, her fears, her dreams, confessions, inner truths, questioning herself, questioning the world etc.

This does have potential, work on it a bit and it'll be great xD

xxx

Okay, thanks to you both.

Although Haruno Sakura said that the gas was a very sweet smell, Hanna was having a nightmare, so she never really KNEW what the gas smelled like. I was putting myself in Hanna's place, and if I was having a nightmare I would imagine it to smell very gross...just my opinion.