The Jane Effect Part 7

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Note: This was hard to write so please be very harsh. I kinda like it but if there is anything wrong, please point it out. Thank you to both the anonymous and public followers of the story. Sorry it took so long. Enjoy!!!


The Jane Effect
By Angel of Death

Part 7: Flawed Perceptions

Just when Andrew and Elizabeth were getting farther acquainted, Sir Harvey appeared beside them. He bowed his head and then stared at Andrew, with his intimidating cerulean eyes.
"Are you enjoying the company, Edward?" he asked, inching away.
"Yes, I suppose. I see you know Miss Greenly," Edward replied, fixing his gaze on Elizabeth.
"We had the pleasure of meeting today," Andrew said, clearing his throat.
There was an uncomfortable silence and then Andrew bowed his head, and walked away. Confused, Elizabeth stared after him, wondering what made him leave so abruptly. Remembering that Sir Harvey was still beside her, she took a step back and glared up at him. He wasn't wearing a mask, so Elizabeth was able to take in his entire expression. It was cross with a hint of amusement. A sour smile played on his full lips, making him look rather harsh.
"Is there something wrong, Miss Greenly?" he asked, his eyes sparkling.
"No, sir." Elizabeth replied, curtsying.
"Please, do not part with me now," Sir Harvey said.
The party was continuing all around them. In her peripheral peak, she could see Hatty mingling with the other ladies in Pennington. Although they tried to remain anonymously interested, Elizabeth caught the meaning of their gathering when her eyes locked with Hatty's. She snickered and then whispered something to Margaret Pierce.
"I'd like to speak with you...in private." he continued, once Elizabeth returned her attention to him. Wanting to remove the gossip from Hatty's lips, she nodded and followed Sir Harvey into a small room secluded from the rest of the party. The room was dark, being only lit by a candle that sat on a mahogany desk in the corner. Edward was pacing around the room. With each turn he made, the light flickered. Elizabeth could not see his face once the flame swayed to and fro as it did. His eyes appeared to be black orbs and the bitter mask on his face, became shadowy and grave.
"Please, sit." he ordered, looking at her.
"I prefer to stand, thank you," she replied, bowing her head.
"Very well," he muttered, stopping his pace to look out the window. The moon was high in the sky, shedding its ivory shadow across the Garrison land. There were acres and acres of green fields that were all covered in trees. As Edward gandered at the view, his demeanor softened and became the equivalent of a gray sky. Sorrow-filled and longing.
"Do you know what it means to love, Miss Greenly?" Sir Harvey asked, turning to look at her.
Elizabeth smiled. It wasn't too long ago when she asked her father a question of this same caliber. The answer that he gave, made her sure that she understood love more than anyone else.
"Yes," she replied.
"And what do you know of it?"
"It is a feeling of pure bliss, from what I've heard,"
"Well you have been misinformed," he retorted, moving towards her.
There was nothing that could be said to atone for Sir Harvey's weird manner, so Elizabeth just stood there, watching as the flame fluctuated in the still air.
"Love isn't real. It doesn't exist and for you to participate in such a fancy makes you a very unwise person, Miss Greenly," Sir Harvey, continued harshly.
Red shot up her neck, like a wildfire as those fiery words were ignited in her face. Not wanting him to see her annoyance, Elizabeth turned away from Edward and tried to gather her thoughts.
"You are not a friend or a respected man of society. So what gives you the right to address me in such ways?" she spat.
"I am merely trying to warn you of the dangers of..." he started, defensively.
"The dangers of what, Sir Harvey? Yes, I know that your brother doesn't love me but I can learn to love him as long as..." Tears formed in her eyes, making Elizabeth move deeper into the darkness. Admitting out loud that William could never hold any affection towards her, made her heart break. She only wished the atmosphere would remain tranquil, so that she could slip away into a dark hole. But silence wouldn't have his chance to reign. Sir Harvey decided to speak. His voice was even more severe than before but it quivered when it left his lips. Elizabeth knew that he wasn't crying, for he had no reason let alone the heart to do so.
"As long as he provides the honor for your untraditional family, and all the jewels for your pretty little neck, you'll love him till the end of his days." he cut in, moving closer or away?
"That is not true! I don't want your family's money. I could care less if your brother had but a penny to his name. You come here to not only insult my intelligence but to judge my sense of propriety. Sir Harvey you are the most disagreeable, nonsensical, pompous, and arrogant man I've ever met!"
"Please, do share, Miss Elizabeth, the reasons for your hatred towards me," he teased, laughing without humor.
"Your pride shall be one of my arguments," Elizabeth muttered, turning to face him. His face was enraged, but yet it still managed to hold that intimidating mien. They were inches apart, both of them staring at each other with angered eyes. Sir Harvey spoke first, his words more refined than harsh.
"I know nothing of the word," he said, bowing his head.
"Very well then. I will excuse your behavior on the lack of your propriety," Elizabeth replied, curtsying.
"There aren't enough women in the world who will say such things and mean it," Sir Harvey retorted, smirking.
"And you should know this because you've had many of my sex flock around you like birds telling you how amiable you are?" she asked, rolling her eyes.
"No, Miss Elizabeth, I should know because where I come from, women just don't judge men before they know them," he said.
"Are you implying that I'm prejudiced?"
"No ma'am, I'm not. Its just that I find it very peculiar for a member of your sex to be so bold as to say what they feel before they hear what has to be said," Sir Harvey replied, moving closer.
Elizabeth could feel his breath on her neck. It was sweet and warm, which was strange coming from such a cold man. She thought back to the day they sat at the dinner table together. His hand was like ice when she accidentally touched him.
"What has to be said?" Elizabeth asked, softly.
"Nothing much, just a simple word of advice to an inexperienced woman from a man,"
"Inexperienced?"
"Well what I mean is..." he started, his brow puckering.
"Women here in Pennington must be more modern than those of your country. Pray tell where you are visiting from, Harvey?"
"London," he said, softly.
"London is not like Pennington. I have family there and from what I've heard, it is not a pleasant place. Women run about in the shadow of men and here..."
"Are you debasing my home, Miss Greenly?" Sir Harvey asked.
"No, I merely trying to warn you of the dangers of speaking of London with such airs," Elizabeth teased, snickering.
"I do not give women in London or the city for that matter, 'airs' as you say," he replied, firmly.
"As a woman, I find it easy to view men in all their glory and then debase them, as you say. So then my perceptions aren't flawed." Elizabeth stared into his eyes, absently wondering what emotions swam around in his head. The harshness to his manner disappeared, leaving his brow thoughtful.
"Do you find me handsome, Miss Greenly?" he had said that first day she had saw him. Yes, he was quite handsome and up close he didn't look much older than William. Elizabeth was just about to excuse his behavior, when he parted his lips to speak.
"Your vision is based on unethical inquiries on the male species. In other words, yes, your perceptions are flawed,"
"I can't make sense of you!" she exclaimed, placing her hand over her mouth.
"What is there to make sense of, Elizabeth?" he asked, firmly.
"Well, there is your manner and your severe accusations from before,"
"I meant no harm," Edward countered.
"And you want me to believe that?" Elizabeth spat, angrily.
"Believe what you want. I wouldn't want to make you believe the truth, Miss Elizabeth!" he muttered. Bowing, Sir Harvey swiftly exited the room, leaving her alone with the moon and the stars.
Last edited by Angel of Death on Sat Dec 06, 2008 5:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




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I'm here, again, Angel, so hopefully this is helpful :wink:

Comments in bold, corrections in red.


The Jane Effect

By Angel of Death


Part 7: Flawed Perceptions


Just when Andrew and Elizabeth were getting farther acquainted, Sir Harvey appeared beside them. Okay, in the last chapter, you ended with Andrew going to paint Eliza's picture...how come they are still in the ballroom? He bowed his head and then stared at Andrew, with his intimidating cerulean eyes.

"Are you enjoying the company, Edward?" he asked, inching away.

"Yes, I suppose. I see you know Miss Greenly," Edward replied, fixing his gaze on Elizabeth.

"We had the pleasure of meeting today," Andrew said, clearing his throat.

There was an uncomfortable silence and then Andrew bowed his head, and walked away. Confused, Elizabeth stared after him, wondering what made him leave so abruptly. Remembering that Sir Harvey was still beside her, she took a step back and glared up at him. He wasn't wearing a mask, so Elizabeth was able to take in his entire expression. It was cross with a hint of amusement. A sour smile played on his full lips, making him look rather harsh.

"Is there something wrong, Miss Greenly?" he asked, his eyes sparkling.

"No, sir." Elizabeth replied, curtsying.

"Please, do not part with me now," Sir Harvey said.

The party was continuing all around them. In her peripheral peak, she could see Hatty mingling with the other ladies in Pennington. Although they tried to remain anonymously interested, Elizabeth caught the meaning of their gathering when her eyes locked with Hatty's. She snickered and then whispered something to Margaret Pierce.

"I'd like to speak with you...in private." he continued, once Elizabeth returned her attention to him. Wanting to remove the gossip from Hatty's lips, she nodded and followed Sir Harvey into a small room secluded from the rest of the party. The room was dark, being only lit by a candle that sat on a mahogany desk in the corner. Edward was pacing around the room. With each turn he made, the light flickered. Elizabeth could not see his face once the flame swayed to and fro as it did. His eyes appeared to be black orbs and the bitter mask on his face, became shadowy and grave.

"Please, sit." he ordered, looking at her.

"I prefer to stand, thank you," she replied, bowing her head.

"Very well," he muttered, stopping his pace to look out the window. The moon was high in the sky, shedding its ivory shadow across the Garrison land. There were acres and acres of green fields that were all covered in trees. As Edward gandered at the view, his demeanor softened and became the equivalent of a gray sky. Sorrow-filled and longing.

"Do you know what it means to love, Miss Greenly?" Sir Harvey asked, turning to look at her.

Elizabeth smiled. It wasn't too long ago when she asked her father a question of this same caliber. The answer that he gave, made her sure that she understood love more than anyone else.

"Yes," she replied.

"And what do you know of it?"

"It is a feeling of pure bliss, from what I've heard,"

"Well you have been misinformed," he retorted, moving towards her.

There was nothing that could be said to atone for Sir Harvey's weird manner, so Elizabeth just stood there, watching as the flame fluctuated in the still air.

"Love isn't real. It doesn't exist and for you to participate in such a fancy makes you a very unwise person, Miss Greenly," Sir Harvey, continued harshly.

Red shot up her neck, like a wildfire as those fiery words were ignited in her face. Not wanting him to see her annoyance, Elizabeth turned away from Edward and tried to gather her thoughts.

"You are not a friend or a respected man of society. So what gives you the right to address me in such ways?" she spat.

"I am merely trying to warn you of the dangers of..." he started, defensively.

"The dangers of what, Sir Harvey? Yes, I know that your brother doesn't love me but I can learn to love him as long as..." Tears formed in her eyes, making Elizabeth move deeper into the darkness. Admitting out loud that William could never hold any affection towards her, made her heart break. She only wished the atmosphere would remain tranquil, so that she could slip away into a dark hole. But silence wouldn't have his chance to reign. Sir Harvey decided to speak. His voice was even more severe than before but it quivered when it left his lips. Elizabeth knew that he wasn't crying, for he had no reason let alone the heart to do so.

"As long as he provides the honor for your untraditional family, and all the jewels for your pretty little neck, you'll love him till the end of his days." he cut in, moving closer or away? What do you mean by "closer or away?". I would try to clear on what you mean here.

"That is not true! I don't want your family's money. I could care less if your brother had but a penny to his name. You come here to not only insult my intelligence but to judge my sense of propriety. Sir Harvey you are the most disagreeable, nonsensical, pompous, and arrogant man I've ever met!"

"Please, do share, Miss Elizabeth, the reasons for your hatred towards me. Should be a comma instead of a period after "me" " he teased, laughing without humor.

"Your pride shall be one of my arguments," Elizabeth muttered, turning to face him. His face was enraged, but yet it still managed to hold that intimidating mien. They were inches apart, both of them staring at each other with angered eyes. Sir Harvey spoke first, his words more refined than harsh.

"I know nothing of the word," he said, bowing his head.

"Very well then. I will excuse your behavior on the lack of your propriety," Elizabeth replied, curtsying.

"There aren't enough women in the world who will say such things and mean it," Sir Harvey retorted, smirking.

"And you should know this because you've had many of my sex flock around you like birds telling you how amiable you are?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"No, Miss Elizabeth, I should know because where I come from, women just don't judge men before they know them," he said.

"Are you implying that I'm prejudiced?"

"No ma'am, I'm not. Its just that I find it very peculiar for a member of your sex to be so bold as to say what they feel before they hear what has to be said," Sir Harvey replied, moving closer.

Elizabeth could feel his breath on her neck. It was sweet and warm, which was strange coming from such a cold man. She thought back to the day they sat at the dinner table together. His hand was like ice when she accidentally touched him.

"What has to be said?" Elizabeth asked, softly.

"Nothing much, just a simple word of advice to [s]a[/s] an inexperienced woman from a man,"

"Inexperienced?"

"Well what I mean is..." he started, his brow puckering.

"Women here in Pennington must be more modern than those of your country. Pray tell where you are visiting from, Harvey?"

"London," he said, softly.

"London is not like Pennington. I have family there and from what I've heard, it is not a pleasant place. Women run about in the shadow of men and here..."

"Are you debasing my home, Miss Greenly?" Sir Harvey asked.

"No, I merely trying to warn you of the dangers of speaking of London with such airs," Elizabeth teased, snickering.

"I do not give women in London or the city for that matter, 'airs' as you say," he replied, firmly.

"As a woman, I find it easy to view men in all their glory and then debase them, as you say. So then my perceptions aren't flawed." Elizabeth stared into his eyes, absently wondering what emotions swam around in his head. The harshness to his manner disappeared, leaving his brow thoughtful.

"Do you find me handsome, Miss Greenly?" he had said that first day she had saw him. Yes, he was quite handsome and up close he didn't look much older than William. Elizabeth was just about to excuse his behavior, when he parted his lips to speak.

"Your vision is based on unethical inquiries on the male species. In other words, yes, your perceptions are flawed,"

"I can't make sense of you!" she exclaimed, placing her hand over her mouth.

"What is there to make sense of, Elizabeth?" he asked, firmly.

"Well, there is your manner and your severe accusations from before,"

"I meant no harm," Edward countered.

"And you want me to believe that?" Elizabeth spat, angrily.

"Believe what you want. I wouldn't want to make you believe the truth, Miss Elizabeth!" he muttered. Bowing, Sir Harvey swiftly exited the room, leaving her alone with the moon and the stars.

Wow...intense. Sir Harvey is starting to grow on me, I think....

Gosh, this story is getting so good! :D

Keep it up!
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Angel-
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh! *giggles with happiness* I am seriously loving this story. :D I'm like loving Edward. This chapter was really intense. And I loved every moment of it. Oh, I wonder what happened with Andrew? Wait. Who's Andrew? I think I'm losing it with all this giddiness. :lol: Anyway, can't wait for eight!
-Merry

~sorry if this wasn't helpful~
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<




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Hi Angel! :D

Yes, finally some conflict. I found this chapter beautifully written and it has improved in leaps and bounds from your last writings, which I found slightly passive, although adorable. This, I believe, is worthy of publishing, as long as you make sure not to grip too hard to your Pride and Prejudice storyline. This is however, really differentiating from P&P; at the beginning people pointed out it bore ressemblance, but now this charming tale is starting to stand on its own two feet.

I also find the character of Elizabeth much improved. You've finally managed to get to her core - in perfect timing, as this is where the conflict starts and if there is conflict but you don't care about the characters, it's a big problem. Each character must be consistent to itself and distinct from the others. I think you are handling this very well. You still need to work a bit on the consistency of Elizabeth, but in time, she'll be a very solid character. Keep all your character's information at your fingertips for the entire writing process and provide a place to keep notes on your character as you write your story. This will help a lot.

Anyway, sorry this is shorter than usual, but if I give you massive critiques each time, I won't really be helping. :P

Good luck and off I go to the next chapter!

-Sarah
Had I the heavens embroider'd cloths,
I would spread the cloths under your feet.
But I being poor, have only my dreams,
So tread softly, for you tread on my life.



“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables