I sat and talked and laughed with everyone and switched hats and played trivial pursuit and ate marshmallow top hats whilst checking the time every ten minutes. It seemed to take years for it to get to ten to eleven when I'd retouch my makeup, don my beret and set out into the night to meet Nick.
I shivered and my teeth chattered and I leaned against the corner trying to relax but listening to every tiny sound waiting for footsteps.
Did you know when I'm waiting to meet him my senses become almost superhuman?
I could hear the sound of shoes on pavement, a man and his toddler son walking on the other side of the road, across the car park and about a hundred feet down the street. That’s not even a hyperbole.
And still nothing.
If it got to ten past I'd go and see if he'd gotten lost.
Anticipation. Two weeks worth, knotted in my stomach.
Then a car came round, down the car park road, but not into the park. I tried to remember what his car looked like. People carrier? Looked familiar. Only two passengers, this could be him.
Someone on the other side getting out, well here we'll see.
Under the car I see feet in converse trainers step out. Its him.
He walks towards me with the lampposts to his back, a silhouette. I hold up my sign for him to read when he's halfway to me and hear him laugh then I get close enough to touch him and I drop my sign to kiss him. Its only cardboard.
Hello.
A fitting hello for such a horrible absence.
I can hear other people vaguely, walking talking and laughing further away. I'd retained a little of my super-hearing.
I don't care.
I'm not going to let my hello kiss be cut short by the presence of people .
Singing.
Mmm good to feel him again, real, this is where I'm meant to be.
I'm beginning to make out lyrics, eyes still closed.
" Lay where your laying // Don't make a sound...all the commotion // the kiddie like play // gets people talking...."
My mind: Sex On Fire. They're singing Sex On Fire at us.
I feel a great wave of something like satisfaction or content and slight embarrassment and break away from the kiss.
Smile Smile Smile.
We head for the road, hands linked, the singers are across the other side further up than us, one is dressed in red, a ladybird-wait. Is that...Maria?
We cross the road.
"Its Nick!" cries Lauren, they realise its us.
LOL.
They tell us to get a room and I feel like I should be blushing but I'm not. People use that line in real life?
Back to the party. In the time I've been gone karaoke has started up and it repels me. Living room. Sofa.
I like the sofa. This is the one place at the party we can sit together.
People come and go, Becca has managed to get very drunk and will not stop talking. Nick is touching my hip and I can't concentrate, for the life of me I cannot remember what she's talking about but I think she thinks I'm listening. I can't even summon any guilt because there’s no fighting involved, i want him so much, I want to close my eyes but she's speaking to me.
- - - - - - -
Becca, Megan and Steph and other faces I'm too lazy to recognize are sitting on the floor at the other end of the room, I'm facing the other way, Nick, sitting in a weird position.
Kiss.
I feel a little bad, but at the same time its nothing bad, my head is blocking everything anyway. And above all that, i don't care, i need this.
I hear my name. Coincidence, doesn't even register.
He hasn't shaved but its good, and was his hair always that cool?
Twice. Not coincidence. that’s Becca talking about us.
We laugh. "I don't care." He's here, here with me, leave me alone.
Now I can feel them staring. Oh that’s what they said, i realise. They're watching. What? We're only kissing, nothing more scandalous.
Now Carla.
"RACHAEL YORKE AND NICK WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS!!"
If I didn't find it so hilarious I would have ignored that too. I burst out laughing and lean my head on his chest. Teenagers. Honestly.
- - - -
Lilt, pirate hats, more trivial pursuit, Steven in skirt, Edward Scissorhands doing karaoke, Xander....eugh, popcorn being thrown at me.
- - - - -
Back to the sofa.
"Its too hot in here, you wanna go outside for a minute?"
Fuck yes I do
Cool, brick wall either side, clouded breath. His hands playing with my fingertips, jaw, did i mention i fucking love these black jeans you have on? Nope.
Magnetic.
Kiss him again, this time its real, a whole kiss. There's a rustle, that isn't us.
She takes out the rubbish. Oops
"Sorry." I smile, apologetic.
We take the gate route to the street. Now we are more alone. the most, for now.
i wrap my arms, twist them up inside his sleeves. Noses skim.
Short prelude, I am impatient.
My lip bar bruises, fingers knotted like I wanted, this is what I was waiting for this is why i waited here for you .
Its a while before anyone interrupts, but of course still not long enough. i slide my arms around bear hug style, back down to PG for the voices around the corner.
People goodbye, Andrew, Sara and Xander in Robert's fiesta. Nick and I write messages on the glass in ice.
More Goodbyes.
"Becca wants you"
"Oh that’s where you guys were!"
"i guess we should go in" even though I'd rather stay out here with you .
back into the house, through the gate between the bricks.
he walks circles around me, no idea why, but I catch his hand and catch his mouth to stop him.
We oughtta go inside.
Back inside there's still karaoke- isn't that hurting anyone else? Am I the only one?
I fix my makeup and when I come out everyone has left, Becca, Nick, everyone. the house is empty.
"Nick is waiting for you outside"
Relief. Through the front door, there he is.
We walk home with Stewart pushing his bike and Steven still wearing his skirt.
they continue, we wait at the bus stop. Stop, I drop my sign again, same as last time.
the sound of the bus cuts us off, a last clumsy kiss that cuts my top lip, change rattling down plastic and the wheels push away.
Wave.
Night buses always come too quickly.
- - - - - -
Non fiction. Changed all the names though.
An excerpt from my diary, i don't really need any crit i knwo its full of mistakes i just though it might be interesting.
I'm not actually sure what R rated is. I just know its more than pg 13? lol.
<3
