whatever title you want

Like it, or dislike it. take it or leave it. say what you want i don't care

My story is hard to understand.
If you can’t see where I stand
My thoughts so complicated
My mind so saturated
So infatuated
So liberated
If you want to understand where I stand
Put your feet in the sand
Listen to the band
Nothing ever planed
Try to understand

Well, you discovered how to rhyme. Fantastic. However, I see little merit in this piece as it is. Rather than tell us your story is so hard to understand, try to show us its complexity. Use unique imagery, metaphors, etc. to get us to feel whatever it is you're trying to make us feel. Forget rhyme. Instead, try to make the poem say something interesting while maintaining a flow. At the moment, your images make no sense (feet in the sand? Listen to the band?

If you don't care about making this piece better, then fine. However, please keep the above advice in mind the next time you write a poem. I believe if you put more thought into making your piece unique, it could be much better. Keep writing!

Oh, man. You are bad****. You are the coolest person in here. You are misunderstood. You have RAW TALENT™. You don't care what anybody thinks! You are always right. You are an outcast, a lone wolf. We are all squares and you are a radical. You are revolutionary. You are breaking ground, man. We can't possibly understand where you're coming from because, hey, we haven't seen the things you've seen, we haven't lived the life you've lived. You are a messiah! You tell it how it is. You are the VOICE OF YOUR GENERATION™.

You are an a*****.

"Take it or leave it"? "Like it or dislike"? "I don't care"? Man, of course you care. This whole shtick is transparent. You think you're coming off like you're Bob Dylan, mysterious and devil may care, but you come off like an adolescent brat who is unsure of himself, and thinks that just because he puts a little disclaimer before his poem that assures the reader that, yes, you're bad****, it's going to make the poem better. "Whatever Title You Want"? You are ridiculous.

The poem itself is a clichéd "nobody understand me" lament. It rhymes good, but it doesn't amount to anything. In fact, it sounds like you are afraid of being too similar to everybody else, and decided to mesh up a couple of songs together in a blender and put this out. Everything about your post sounds staged.

Let's talk about President Nixon. Everybody thought he was square. And he was. So what did he do? He staged photographs with Elvis to assure the American public that, hey, he was in touch with the youth. Did anybody buy it? No. He was still boring and socially inept.

And does anybody buy this? No. You still sound like you're reciting a bad Sex Pistols song.


Please restrict foul language to literary works -Leja

Okay..Icaruss covered most of it O.o.

This poem,

1- Has no meaning

2- Plenty of rhymes, but useless in meaning.

3- Not to be offenseive, isnt called poetry, It's called 'rhyme as much as you can' xD ~

Icaruss- Rude. Just plain rude. This forum is for thoughtful, constructive criticism. Not irritating sarcasm and getting your jerk on.

MADD- You have an excellent feel for rhyme and rhythm, I can see that. I will echo what Icaruss (however uncouth he may be) said, and point out that you should use your gift at rhythm to actually say something. I enjoy the feel of this, the flow, but I want more. I want depth. You want depth too, I'm sure. So use what you have to write solid poems that make a definite statement.

Perhaps Icaruss said it slightly harsher than it needed to be said, perhaps not. But as far as I am concerned, the comments were correct. I remember writing a poem much like this, but it was about love and it wasn't worth anything because it had nothing behind the words. I posted that on a site and I got some harsh criticism from a fellow writer. That was one of the first poems I ever wrote, and when I received that critique I was devastated and defensive, but all in all I am much better for it. I was an eleven year old writing about things I knew nothing about. My poetry has gotten better since than (at least I hope it has) because of that advice and I am sure that this young writer's will if he chooses to take Icaruss' words for more than just an insult.

Icaruss isn't wrong, but his post was. I encourage people to speak kindly to each other here, because one nasty sarcastic comment can completely stop a young writer from flourishing.

Icaruss is right, he made me laugh so much.
You need to consider things more carefully. You won't get sympathy by making up a 'poem' on the spot...you need to be thoughtful and choose the right words, don't write stuff to prove you are something. Take time with it.
I hope to see you progress.

It is an interesting poem. However, telling us you 'don't care' what we have to say is very insulting. There a lot of very talented people in this site, most of whom are ready to give constructive and thoughtful criticism and commentary.

Anyway. It is a good use of enjambment. The rhyme scheme is extremely simplistic, but works quite well regardless. Keep writing.

Nice word use ^_^ It rhymes... o_O I like this ^_^ Reminds me a little bit of how my brother is. Weird. But anyways I liked this good job!

cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



i loved the rhythm
it was so rhyming
and the idea is great

but no comas


My story is hard to understand.

If you can’t see where I stand
My thoughts so complicated,
My mind so saturated,
So infatuated,
So liberated
If you want to understand where I stand
Put your feet in the sand,
Listen to the band,
Nothing ever planed,
Try to understand

if you added some comas it should have been perfect but
right now it's great

for your next poems(if you will ever right more)

i will give you perfect (i hope)

i wish you will continue ok

Evolmega wrote:1- Has no meaning

2- Plenty of rhymes, but useless in meaning.

3- Not to be offenseive, isnt called poetry, It's called 'rhyme as much as you can' xD ~

How can you "don't care?" Why did you even post it then?