Forbidden Worlds (ch 2)

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Jen walked up behind me. “Who was that you were passing notes to?” she asked.

Suddenly, after meeting Jasper, I no longer felt mad at Jen. “Some guy that lives in a different country,” I replied.

“He looked cute. Did he tell you where he was from?”

“That’s the weird part. He wouldn’t tell me anything about his country, except that it was far away and it was very different from mine.”

Jen shrugged. “Well, I better get to chemistry.”

“See you at lunch,” I called as she walked off to her next class.

As I walked into my English class, I was disappointed to see that Jasper wasn’t there. I sat down in the front where everyone usually avoided, just in case Jasper showed up late again. I figured he could sit next to me and I could silently converse with him. However, Jasper never came to my English class. So I sat there with my head on my left hand as Mr. Calabra drowned on and on about some ancient author.

Why wouldn’t Jasper tell me where he was from? Was it somewhere bad? It couldn’t have been; Jasper looked like he came from Heaven. Throughout the whole English class, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I was still thinking about Jasper when I went to biology. Sitting down next to Shawn in our lab table, I looked around for Jasper, but he wasn’t in biology either. Shawn pecked me on the cheek.

“Hey, baby. What’s shaken?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I muttered.

Mr. Crabskey gave us some cells to examine underneath the microscope and then we had to draw them. I looked into the microscope and stared at the cell for only thirty seconds before I scribbled a pathetic drawling of the cell and pushed the microscope over to Shawn. We examined and drew each cell mainly in silence. When the bell rang, I kissed Shawn swiftly on the lips and hurried off to my art class.

Art was my favorite subject. I loved to paint and draw and I was good at it too. Art was the only thing in my life where there were no rules only small tips to help you improve. I went to the supply cabinet and got out my easel and the painting I’ve been working on for almost a month now. It was an enchanted world without the crazy cars, cities, and people. Instead there were luxurious blades of grass and trees that bore beautiful flowers or juicy fruits. There was a sparkling lake with a flowing waterfall. In the beyond were snowy mountains. I pulled out my paints and began working on the waterfall. Jasper wasn’t in my art class, but I didn’t fret too much about it. Art was the only time when I wasn’t focused on my crazy messed up life that overpowered me. I was putting the finishing touches on the waterfall, when the bell rang once more. After I quickly put my things away, I left for lunch.
Jen and Shawn met up with me in the hallway. Shawn pushed me close to him and began kissing me so much that I could hardly breath. I pulled myself away from his tight grip.

“What’s the matter, baby?” Shawn asked.

“Nothing,” I sighed.

After we retrieved our lunch, we sat down at our usual table with two of my other girlfriends and Jen’s boyfriend. Jen and the other girls immediately started chattering away and the two guys began talking about some kind of sport. I looked around the cafeteria for Jasper. Finally, I spotted him sitting alone at a table near the back.

“I’ll be right back,” I told my friends. Jen nodded and continued to chatter away. However, Shawn watched me closely as I took my tray and walked over to where Jasper sat. “Hey,” I said placing my tray on Jasper’s table. Jasper smiled up at me, making my mouth water even more and my heart leap with happiness.

“Why are you sitting all alone?” I asked him.

“Well, If you sit down then I won’t be sitting alone.” Jasper gestured to the empty chair. Chuckling, I sat down in the empty chair across from him.

“So tell me a little bit about your country,” I demanded.

“Um, well, for starters we use horse and our own two feet to get around. Instead of those big, shiny things that run on gas,” Jasper exclaimed.

I laughed. “You mean cars.”

“Is that what you call them?” I nodded. “Oh, and no tall black palaces.”

“Buildings,” I corrected. “Is that what you have where you live, palaces?”

“Made of gold and the trees are gorgeous, filled with beautiful flowers or the most amazing fruit you ever tasted.” My green eyes widened as Jasper told me more and more about his country. How could something be sound so beautiful and be real at the same time.

“Sounds amazing! Will you take me there some other time?” I asked, a wide smile spreading acrossed my face.

“Perhaps.”

Smiling, I took a bite of my cheeseburger and Jasper stared down at his hotdog.

“What is this?” he asked picking up the hotdog and twisted from left to right.

“It’s a hotdog. It’s made of pig and other animal intestines all mashed together.” Jasper moaned shoving the hotdog towards me. “Come on, just try it. You’ll love it,” I said, picking up the hotdog and holding it out to him. Jasper closed his eyes and shook his head. “come on, open up,” I told Jasper like he was two years old. Jasper slightly opened his mouth, his eyes still closed I and shoved part of the hotdog into it. I watched as Jasper’s face turned from disgusted to pleasing.

“This is really good,” he exclaimed. Jasper took the hotdog from me and shoved the rest in to his mouth. I shook my head and took another bite of my cheeseburger. “I’m going to get another one,” Jasper told me as he took his tray and left the table. He came back three minutes later with two other hotdogs. In three short minutes both of those hotdogs were gone. I stared into Jasper’s adoring eyes as I finished the rest of my food. Before we could say anything else the bell rang for lunch to be over. I picked up my tray and headed to the trashcan, Jasper following silently behind me. “Well, it’s been nice talking to you. I guess I’ll see you around.” I told Jasper, smiling up at him. I started to head to my next class, when Jasper stopped me.

“How about Saturday,” he called.

“What?” I asked as I strode over to him.

“Do you want to show me around Saturday?”

“Yeah sure. Do you want me to pick me up or should I pick you up?”

“Er, I don’t really have a clue where you live and even if you tell me I doubt if I will be able find it.”

I laughed. “OK, I’ll pick you up. Where are you staying?” Jasper took a small slip of paper with an apartment address on it out of his back pack and handed it to me. “I’ll see you Saturday at six then,” I called over my shoulder as I left for my math class.
Last edited by twilightxd on Wed Dec 24, 2008 6:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm going to La Push Jacob off a cliff,
and stab him with Forks!




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2nd Chapter! Woot! =]
Jen shrugged. “Well, I better get to chemistry.”

Just capitalize the W.
I sat down in the front where everyone usually avoided, just in case Jasper showed up late again he could sit next to me and I could silently converse with him.

This seems like a run-on sentence. Say something like, I sat down in the front where everyone usually avoided, just in case Jasper showed up late again. I figured he could sit next to me and we could silently converse. Make the sentence flow a little better.
It couldn’t havebeen; Jasper looked like he came from Heaven.

Add a word there.
I looked into the microscope and [s]starred[/s]stared at the cell for only thirty seconds before I scribbled a pathetic drawling of the cell and pushed the microscope over to Shawn.

I loved to paint and [s]drawl[/s]draw and I was good at it too.

Art was the only time when I wasn’t focused on my crazy messed up life that overpowered me.

Overpowered is one word.
“Is that what you call them?

“Made of gold.” My eyes widened. “And the trees are gorgeous, filled with beautiful flowers or the most amazing fruit you ever tasted.”

“Sounds amazing! Will you take me there some other time?”

I feel like you should add some more facial expressions while he's telling her this. She says it's amazing, but it seems like she's being a little sarcastic. Make us believe that what she is hearing is truly amazing.
I picked up my tray and headed to the trashcan, Jasper [s]fallowing[/s]following silently behind me.

“OK, I’ll pick you up. Where are you staying?

This is a question she is asking.

Overall
I like what you have so far. It's very entertaining with only a few grammar mistakes. However, is this supposed to be a sequel or something to Twilight? It sounds an awful like it, which is fine, but I'm just curious. Also, I like how you included her classes, but why would the reader care what goes on in each of her classes? Maybe it's just me, but it's giving too much information. Just shorten it a little. Anyway, I like this story and I want to read more!

-Lindsey
"Next year I'll be transferred to Pigfarts."
<3




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It is supposed to be a fantasy romance story kinda like twilight except a different plot and there aren't any vampires or werewolves.
I'm going to La Push Jacob off a cliff,
and stab him with Forks!



I think I have thankfully avoided being quoted.
— Lavvie