Carey

carey
carey
I’ve know you forever
I’ve known you forever and a year
and I think, I think
I think that maybe….
I’m falling in love with you

you’re the only one that can’t see
the only one that doesn’t know
we’re prefect together
perfect forever
never, ever I know

you’re the one with the green eyes and freckles
and the face of yesteryear
you’re the only one that can be alone in a crowd
the only one that can bear it

you’ve got everything that I would die for
everything that I am
everything that’s driving me crazy
everything that I can’t bear

[scream]
you’re killing me!
you’re killing me slowly
with everything I could ever need
I don’t know what to say to you
I don’t know what to do
why can’t you look at me the way I look at you?
why can’t you love me too?

[never ever, never ever]

[whisper]
you’re the only one that can’t see
the only one that doesn’t know
we’re prefect together
perfect forever
never, ever I know

[scream]
you’re the one with the sad eyes and great smile
the one that’s broken inside
the only one that can be alone in a crowd
the only one that can bear it [x2]

[whisper]
carey
carey
I’ve know you forever
I’ve known you forever and a year
and I think, I think
I think that maybe….
I’m falling in love with you.

just something i wrote. if i could sing, i would sing it, but i can't... haha. maybe i can find someone to sing it for me. it's not about anyone i know, or anything. just something quick.

Hi adi,

this is a nice set of lyrics you have here. Relatable theme, good length. Neat.

I do however have a few tips for you:

1) Repetition -- Repetition is a must in songs, because the people will most unlikely get everything when they hear it the first time. The core message of a song is often expressed well in the chorus, so that people actually get it into their heads. However too much repetition makes people get sick of your song very easily and very quickly, therefore careful on that front. I'll just underline everything that repeated in the first stanza alone:

Carey
Carey
I’ve know you forever
I’ve known you forever and a year
and I think, I think
I think that maybe….
I’m falling in love with you

Little much, no?

While it's effective in most places the triple "I think" is definitely an overkill. Just look through the song again to see where the repetition may be a bit much and where you can replace it / do without it.

A song should be about something that's important to you and as you have to get in and out within about two minutes you shouldn't have all that much space for repetition anyway.


2) Cliche Country -- There is no, believe e, no area in writing that is so overloaded with cliche as songwriting. There are rhymes and lines and entire statements that have simply been done too often. While with a theme it doesn't matter how often it's been done as long as you try to give it a new twist and show new sides of it, but some lines and phrases will make anyone who's read a lot of lyrics, especially by "amateurs"(no worries, I mean all non-professionals) want to tear the thing up, if it's not at least perfect.

you’re the one with the sad eyes and great smile
the one that’s broken inside
the only one that can be alone in a crowd

Especially the first and second line of this particular part I'd be really careful with. The third I'm not sure what it's about at all, which leads us to:

3) Clarity --If you're serious about writing lyrics, which I assume you are (Why else bother, right? ), you've got to make sure that every line in your song

a) makes 100% sense. (You can't waste any of your precious space and time with meaningless or even worse senseless things.)

b) is 100% clear. I don't mean clear in the sense of obvious or concrete. But clear in the sense of making sense in the context (and hanging together with the rest of it very, very well) and being so clear that the listener has a chance to understand it. You must picture people listening to a song on the radio, when driving in their car. They must be able to understand it. That doesn't mean that it can't be poetic or give them something to think about. It's not supposed to be blunt. Just clear.

Some parts of your song could use a bit more clarity/definition, but mainly you've done a good job on that. Just go over this again to pick out the ones that need work.

I hope I was able to give you some useful tips. PM me with any questions, if you'd like to.

All the best and happy songwriting,
~Kalliope