Save the rainforest!

Save the rainforest!

Those trees so green, so steady,
Cut by axe, and by machete
They tower so high
Almost above the sky

Thick and tough,
They have seen many days,
Only to be cut down,
For more room for cows to graze

The people that do cut
They are not bad
When you need to eat
You can’t be so sad

But I beg of them
Find some other way
We need those trees,
So the monkeys can play

P.S.- you tasted funny.

um, well I'm guess you like nature, well, kid, so do I so high five! Well anyways I thought this poem shouts out GO green or don't go at all, so uh, yeah, it was um.... nice.

-Max

WOW! pretty unique. Usually people don't right about this stuff. I don't really know if this is a poem or a Go Green Comercial. But if you really take this seriously and you care with all your heart about natuer then good job.

INTRO
First, I must say... awesome user-name!

Second, I see that you are a Novice. Welcome! Having any fun? Well, I hate to reign on this parade, but I have to mention one very important rule. For every two reviews you give, you are allowed to post one piece of yours. That rule is what we here like to call the "2:1 ratio", and I see that you've broken that law to an extent!
Don't worry, you aren't in trouble, but just keep that in mind. It helps so the site runs smoothly.

And third, please don't hate me. What I'm about to say in regards to your poem is nothing personal... I just say what I feel and give you ways to improve. I'm not a mean person, I promise!

NITPICKS

Those trees so green, so steady,

Cut by axe, and by machete

They tower so high

Almost above the sky

Those first two lines are really nice. Nice rhythm and imagery. But then, you contradict what you've said previously in the next two lines. Why state they are cut down and describe how tall they are again afterwards?

Thick tough,

They have seen many days,

Only to be cut down,

For more room for cows to graze

Remember to add 'and' between 'Thick' and 'tough'. And also, I thought they cut down trees to build buildings and and such. I may be mistaken, but I don't think they cut them for that reason.

The people that do cut

They are not bad

When all you think about is eating

You can’t be so sad

The last two lines in this one really threw me off. What do you mean by that? Can you elaborate?

But I beg of them

Find some other way

We need those trees,

So the monkeys can play

I like this stanza. Very cute!

Because in the end,

Our lives are short,

A rainforest’s life,

That’s important.

Not a very strong ending. At all. And those last two lines confuse me to no end.

TIPS
You have such an irregular rhyme scheme throughout this poem. It goes A A B B, then C D E C... it's just a jumbled mess, okay! I think that's why you had such a weird part in the second stanza, because of the rhyme scheme. That is forced rhyme my friend, when you throw something in there just for the sake of rhyming. And on top of that, you didn't bother to continue, especially at that last stanza!
So I ask that you just refrain from the rhyme all together.

And I almost forgot to mention... it's really nice you want everyone to go green! I try to tell my family to do that all the time, but they just laugh in my face and continue to litter and all that horrible stuff. Gosh, if only they'll listen!


Keep writing! I'm sorry if you think I'm mean for being so hard on a Novice... I don't bite. If you have any questions about my review or about the site in general, you can always PM me. If I don't know the answer, I'll be happy redirect it to someone who hopefully does!

~LIF

So you couldn't get enough of me, huh?

I'd be glad to review again for you, but you didn't give much to work with this time, apart from what I've already said.

Like the last two lines in the first stanza... maybe you are content with them, but it's a little confusing. Perhaps you could say how they used to be so tall, so it matches the message in the previous two lines. I dunno, maybe I didn't convey what I was trying to say before... my bad.

And you didn't ditch that rhyme scheme. Again, you may content with it, but in all honesty, it doesn't sound right.

You fixed up that third stanza, which is great! I think I'm starting to get what you were trying to convey; that even though you care for the rain forest, you gotta eat!

And you ditched the last stanza... wise choice, my friend. This stanza really is a better ending.

Before I go, I have another tip for you. Read your work before you post. Out Loud; to yourself. That way, you could probably see what I mean with the rhyme scheme.

Thanks for asking about my opinion again! I'm glad you took my criticism.

lukas8u wrote:Save the rainforest!

Those trees so green, so steady,
Cut by axe, and by machete
They tower so high
Almost above the sky

Thick and tough,
They have seen many days,
Only to be cut down,
For more room for cows to graze

The people that do cut
They are not bad
When you need to eat
You can’t be so sad

But I beg of them
Find some other way
We need those trees,
So the monkeys can play

Okay so, LivingFantasy, You just basically pulled apart his WHOLE POEM! You may as well rewrite it for him.
But don't worry Lukas, I liked it. But maybe you could work out another ending. One that leaves the reader thinking. Thats always a plus.

-Rock on tree-huggers!!!!!

Interesting. Really it was nice. I thought that your flow messed up in the2nd stanza, the last line. Maybe you could say something else. if not, then I say keep it the way it is, because it is quite good!