Death's Tea Party

Death’s Tea Party

He sits in the underworld
Guarding our souls,
And drinking our happiness
Straight from the bowl.
Everyone’s there at death’s tea party.
And it’s his burden to bear.
And if you choose to anger the reaper
It is his choice to spare…
But do not quake in the face of death
For it will show you mercy
Do not hand death your fear, my child,
No matter how much you think it is
That’s not a common courtesy.
Though death may take our happiness, I fear
It shall not truly take our soul.

Hi Alex
I'm anti-pop and I'll be your reviewer today.

AlexR3Dwater wrote:Death’s Tea Party I'll go ahead and say it: I like the title. It was very eye-catching.

He sits in the underworld
Guarding our souls,
And drinking our happiness
Straight from the bowl.

Everyone’s there at death’s tea party.
And it’s his burden to bear.
And if you choose to anger the reaper
It is his choice to spare…

But do not quake in the face of death
For it will show you mercy
Do not hand death your fear, my child,
No matter how much you think it is
That’s not a common courtesy.

Though death may take our happiness, I fear
It shall not truly take our soul.

Ok, since you started this off as a rhyming piece, I decided to break it up into stanzas. Unfortunately, the second and last stanzas did not follow the same scheme as the first two. What happened? I see how you were trying to rhyme 'mercy' and 'courtesy', but why the extra line? How about something like this:
But do not quake in the face of death
For it will show you mercy
Do not hand death your fear, my child,
That’s not a common courtesy.
See? Just take out the unnesessary line.
Let me also go ahead and point out that the first stanza is much too short when compared to the rest of the poem. If you try reading it aloud, you'll find it odd because you have to adjust your tone as you start to read the second stanza. Try lengthening the first few lines a bit.
One final thing before I go: How was this Death's tea party? If you meant it metaphorically, then expand upon your metaphor. If you meant it literally, then there is almost no referrence to it at all here. Expand and explain your actual idea. I felt that the last few stanzas had nothing to do with what you had originally started with, and I must admit I was dissapointed.

Don't take any of that to heart, just keep it in mind next time you write. Keep it up!


*anti-pop



EDIT:
*hits self on head* Oh yeah!

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