I am the Tornado

Sorry to critique again....it's just that I returned to this poem and I thought, "Oooooh, where do I remember this from?" And then I saw my critique.

Whcih brings me to this: The Title is not memorable. At All. Change it, maybe into something like "I am the Tornado", or "Tornado Dead", etc. Just a helpful advice.

Ok, thanks I'll change it but..... as you can see poems aren't really my thing.

Good poem. I'm not sure whether I can add anything that anyone else here hasn't already said so I won't try.

I like the shape poem idea you used and I think the words do capture the idea of a tornado very well.


k

Swottielottie wrote:_ I don't think that you should explain what a tornado is, but explain more of what the story is behind the tornado, personify,to make it like a human, with human emotions. I started off as heaps of air; hot anger
_ and cold dreams, good and bad

Floating gently in the sky
watching the town below.

Then one day I split
up and down- then
whirled around.

A spinning column
of air - I
became
until about here, it really didn't have a rythym to it, but it made sense
Calm and
goodness
trapped
inside, I would make this two stanzas, 'calm' to 'inside,' and 'a hurling' to 'destruction.'
a hurling
mass
of
destruction.

A horrid
addiction rose
from within,
to crush
and kill
and blow away
all who lay
in my path.

Whirling,
spinning,
flying
across and
through
the roads
and houses-
some times it's better, i think, not to go into so much detail, but to instead just hint at what's going on below, instead of roads and houses...
then

my
strength
drains,
clouds
disperse,
air
slows;

a
last
breath
of wind
then
D
eI love the ending, I thought it was great, but i think 'Death'fits better.
a
d.

I love the shape part of it, and how you made it sort of have human emotions...kudos.

That poem was really cool. The tornado came down and threw around some screaming people> . Then all of a sudden the funnel cloud broke and... DEATH. I would never have the patience to draw all that in words and have it still make sense!

Nice poem but there are two things i would like to point out.

good and bad

This sentence doesn't fit with the description and in my eyes doesn't make sense. A tornado is good and bad? How? explain. I have no idea what you mean.

A spinning column
of air - I
became

I disliked the wording of this section. Maybe it could be "I became a spinning column of air but it would still needs to be changed.

Apart from this i was very impressed. Good poem!