Reasons - 1

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Another morning awakened by the sound of my alarm clock. What time is it? 7:30? Oh, joy. Ten minutes and I must be ready, my hair fixed up, my make-up on and my bag packed. Did I do my French? My arms reach into my bag to find the worksheet that I was supposed to do over Thanksgiving Break. My eyes dart over the half-done paper, trying to force my mind to calculate the answers.
It's harder than I make it seem.
My breath quickens as my door shoots open, the outline of my mother staring at me.
"Get up! Good lord, Samantha! Steph will be calling any second!" She shrieks at me as her body moves into the bathroom, just to the right of my door. And, when I do not stir, her hand hits the wall that separates my room from the bathroom as hard as they can. "Get up!" Her voice makes my bed tremble.
With a heavy sigh, I rise from my coffin. Something of a growl builds in me. My head is hung beneath my dark brown hair, framing my face and fringing itself over my left eye. I search around for a moment, eyes locking on my onyx black pants, size 18, that I've worn every day this week. No one ever says anything. They don't care.
My shirt is good enough to wear, only the slightest bit ruffled. I stare at my computer screen, trying to see the time through thick drowsiness. Nothing could prepare me for today.
The snow rains down like meteors on my way out, that same beaten-up old black truck that I see every day sitting there, waiting.
The girl in the passenger seat looks familiar, but my eyes are too clouded to make any resemblance. My hands are freezing as I get into the seat next to her, waiting for him to make the lurching move that will send me to hell.
His hand puts the truck in drive, and then we begin the slow journey to Mount Pleasant High School - known to me simply as 'hell'.
As we stop at the huge doors that lead me to this hell, I spy someone coming off of the bus in front of us.
Alex.
His pants shape him perfectly, just as perfectly as his hat, his coat, or his hair. Everything about him is amazing. I follow him in, unwilling to speak, but not wanting to miss one moment of his presence.




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Hello! Welcome to YWS.

Just so you know, its a requirement for you to critique two pieces per every one you post. This was well written, if short and ultimately - so it would seem, at the moment anyway - pointless excerpt.

I didn't pick up on any grammatical errors; I think this was very well executed indeed. Are you going to write a memoir? Is that what this is about? Given its in Non-Fiction, one would assume so, no? My point is, there's got to be a point to a story, even if its merely to narrate your life - we gotta be interested and despite the skill of the writing, right now, there's nothing to distinguish the main character from any of the other millions of disaffected teenagers around the world and loitering in literary hell.

It was good work. I just hope it goes somewhere.

Well done,

Cheers,
Jiggly
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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Hi there. Welcome to YWS.

Okay. I like it. Obviously it is the first chapter and so a lot has to happen in the future.
Just for interest sake: Is this the entire chapter? If so, it is a bit short. I can understand if it's a short story or something, but this is a bit too short.

You really explained some things like the character details and a little bit of the area she lives in. I feel that when she climbs in the truck, you could explain a bit what's going on. Who is the girl sitting next to her? How the town/city looks like. Is it a busy town? In which time era does it take place? The 1970's?

It's small things like that. If you tell me that this is a prologue than I'd understand.

All in all: I like it. I just hope something happens, otherwise it won't be as great as you hoped it would be...
Look at my big shiny shell...



Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
— Mark Twain