A Foggy Glass Chapter 5

This is a continuation from Chapter 4. I don't know if anyone's been keeping up, but I'm posting this anyways:

Rated PG-13 for torture.

I thought you said you'd binned this??

I was going to crit it all but then you said you'd ditched it.

Have you started with it? Because if you have i shall crit

Oh, have you binned it? Darn, I should have read that first.
Well, never mind, I've written a critique for it anyway.

I must say, it was an incredibly polished piece of work. Your writing style is crisp and refreshing, and you obviously know your stuff when it comes to the theme of the story.

Another strength of yours is dialogue - the conversations were beautifully controlled and entirely realistic. Kudos to you for that.

Now just try working on character developement - show us more about the MC; his flaws, his hopes, etc. And a bit more description of the characters and the surroundings would work, though I understand that your style is to approach things with minimal description.

x

niccy_v wrote:I thought you said you'd binned this??

I was going to crit it all but then you said you'd ditched it.

Have you started with it? Because if you have i shall crit

...I put this up three days before I realized I wasn't going to be writing it anymore. So you probably found this a little bit too late. Yeah, I've binned it. I binned it before you pm'ed me.

and thanks for reading it, castlesinthesky...I've moved on to writing some other things.

Oh right, okay. (: You're welcome.
Shame, it was an interesting story.
x

Aw it was good.

Maybe in the future you would like to continue?

Ah well, Krupp i think you should put up your latest piece here - it was great

...Maybe I will put up the new piece. Who knows? Right now I'm just trying to finish up the last 2 weeks of school. After that I should have more time on my hands....