Chapter One
“Please Dorine, you must get over this, I didn’t kill James. He wanted me to stop him by any means necessary.” Mackenzie said rubbing his temple out of annoyance.
“Save your breath. If James needed to be stopped from something he would have told me. I knew him better then you did, and I know that you killed him. So don’t try to lie to me, I’m not a dunce.” Dorine spit out at him walking back to the wall where she sat. “Blasted this damned cold, why did I have to be stuck with the likes of you?”
“Listen Dorine I’ve told you a million times before. The only way we can get out of this dungeon is if we work together.” Mackenzie exasperated.
“Me work with you? You’ve lost your mind haven’t you? I will never work with you. I want nothing to do with you. And when I get out of here on my own believe me; I will burn this place to the ground with you in it!” Dorine said.
“You can’t get out of here alone. Not with the way this place is made. We both know that so why won’t you listen?” Mackenzie asked.
“Why should I?” Dorine spat at him. “Why should I care about the lies that come out of your mouth?”
“Because I’ve gotten out of here before and there’s no way that a lady of your height can get out of here on your lonesome.” Mackenzie said.
“Well watch me.” Dorine said collapsing onto the floor.
“Dorine, what happened to you?" Mackenzie said running to her.
What happened to her? She was just fine earlier, so full of energy. What happened to her?
“Dorine wake up!” Mackenzie said shaking her. “Come on Dorine wake up!”
Why is he so worried about her? If she was in love with his late friend and he, her, why would he need to worry about her? Did he have some vow to James? No, he had no vow to his self or to James. So then what is it? Why is he so worried about her? Could it be that he loved her too? Could it?
Days passed and still Dorine did not wake. If weeks went then she would certainly die. But how can he wake her up? He knows no form of incantation or has any powers. How can he wake her up? That’s a question left unanswered, simply because that’s not a question that needs to be answered. The reason that she’s in a deep sleep is the doing of some unknown force.
“Dorine please wake up.” Mackenzie said. “Don’t die on me. If you don’t wake up Dorine you’ll die. Come on Dorine wake up.”
But still she didn’t hear him.
“Dorine please listen to me . . .”
She can feel his presence.
“If you can hear me Dorine . . .”
She knows it’s him.
“You gotta wake up because . . .”
She’s not coming to though, even with him there begging her.
“Because I promised James that . . .”
Wait…there’s a little movement. Is she coming to?
“I’d take care of you and . . .”
She’s coming to the surface of the darkness that binds her.
“That I’d love you no matter what . . .”
She heard him this time. But what the hell did he just say?
“So please Dorine you gotta wake up.” Mackenzie said.
But she didn’t want to. How could he say that? How could Mackenzie just up and say that he loved her? When he knew, he knew that if she loved him she would betray her late love James. Not that she could ever love someone such as him. So then why did her heart skip a beat when he said that he loved her? Why?
“You . . .” Dorine said lowly. “You . . . don’t even care . . . about me . . . you don’t have a heart to . . . love.”
“You’re wrong.” Mackenzie said quietly and walked back to his wall.
What was that? How come he just got so upset, no not upset…how did he get so hurt by what she said? Was it because he actually did love her, or like her a little? Was it? Or was it something else? Was it that he was mad that she didn’t fall for him to stop the talking about James in front of him?
Dorine couldn’t understand it either. Why would she? How could she have known that her saying that he didn’t have a heart would cause such a reaction from him? But, for some unknown reason she felt really bad. Because she didn’t know how much her words would hurt him.
Wait. Isn’t her plan to break him or kill him? Isn’t it? So then why is she feeling so bad about how her words affected him? Is it because she’s beginning to feel for him? No. Dorine would rather die then fall for the likes of him. So how come she is? How come? Because, just because.
Grabbing her will she stood over and walked over to him.
“Mackenzie, tell me why James wanted you to stop him.” Dorine said. “You can at least tell me that.”
“Because he would have hurt you a lot, and the damage would have been horrendous." Mackenzie said.
“How would he Mackenzie? How would he have hurt me so badly? Dorine asked.
“Because the night that he died, he was drunk more then usual, when I asked where he was going he said he was going to your bed. I know you Dorine; you would never let a man you’re not married to sleep in your bed. So I told him to go to his own house and sleep it off. But he was set on going to sleep with you.” Mackenzie said. “I couldn’t let him do that Dorine. I couldn’t let him go there knowing that your mother would skin you both alive and send you outside in you underclothes. I had to intervene.”
“You should have let him come.” Dorine said. “I could have stopped him. I’m strong enough to.”
“No . . .” Mackenzie said. “Not with him drunk you aren’t.”
“You didn’t have to kill him.” Dorine said weakly. “You didn’t have to kill him.”
“I’m sorry.” Mackenzie said.
And with that, for the first time since James died, Dorine cried. Not those lady sniffles, but those big, heart aching sobs that shake your whole entire body.
“I know he’s bad when he drinks. I know that he’s stronger then me. I could have stopped him. I did once before. I stopped him. Maybe not before he took me, but still I stopped him.” Dorine sobbed.
“What are you saying?” Mackenzie asked.
“I’m saying that he took me.” Dorine said. “When he was drenched in stinky, smelly beer, that’s why we were getting married, because I’m not a maiden anymore, because he took me. That’s why he could have come to my house. Because he had already took liberties. I could have stopped him. But I didn’t. I ended up loving him. I ended up loving him.”
Not knowing what to say Mackenzie took Dorine in his arms and held her while she cried, whispering every now and then that he was there for her and that he would take care of her. He didn’t want to see her cry, because it broke him in to. As it did every man when he saw the women he loved cry for another man taking liberties on her.
“I don’t care if you’re not a virgin. In my eyes you’re still a maiden. And that’s all that matters. How I see you, because if I can see you as a beautiful maiden, then there are others who can too. I don’t want you to cry my beautiful maiden. I only want to see you smile. Or fight the world. Anything but seeing you cry. I never want to see you cry; especially not when it hurts me so much to see you cry."
In a moment of weakness Dorine looked up at him and they kissed.
It just confuses the reader, so I would just cut this out completely unless you can somehow phrase this into one of the two characters POV's. 