Having said that, this is just the first part of a longer story, so it will not immediately be particularly romantic. But later parts will be very clearly romantic, so please don't feel obliged to say that this should be posted in another category. This is just the introduction.
There is a tiny bit of swearing in this (people who understand cockney rhyming slang may find a certain part of this offensive). Normally I wouldn't use profanities in literature, but I want this to feel natural, and as the characters here are British adolescents, I feel it is necessary to have them use foul language, because that's typical of us.
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"...now I'm sure you will remember not to do questions 2 or 5 unless you really have to. None of you did well on those questions in the mocks. You should do question 1, the Nature of God..."
John and Alan bit their lips simultaneously, attempting desperately not to laugh. It was their last exam, and also the one they cared the least for-neither knew why they chose to do Religious Studies. It probably had something to do with the old teacher, Mr Williams, being a funny and respectable teacher, unlike the person who had taught them for the latter half of their GCSEs, Miss Frauki. Who was now giving the lamest prep speech they had ever heard-and that was saying something.
"...as it is what we have focussed on during the course of the last year."
correction, it's what you've been focussed on the past year, John thought. He muttered his thought out loud, making the somewhat overreactive Alan Blunt laugh out loud.
"You've got a very strange sense of humour," John whispered.
Alan began to reply, but was interrupted when an examiner walked into the room.
"Okay, everyone please make your way into..."
"We know the routine," someone said abruptly. The examiner, infamous for her stick-like frame and limp, looked for whoever it was, but, failing in the attempt, resorted to giving the class a penetrating glare.
Less than an hour later, the two friends passed by Miss Frauki for the last time in their compulsory education, and ended that particular era in their lives with a hearty, though deranged, laugh.
"She looks so much like a frog!"
"I know!" Alan said, almost choking with glee, "And she's wearing green! She's so froggy!"
John sighed with relief.
"Well, that's GCSEs over." John said, "I think Paul said something about meeting at a park. Can't remember for the life of me which one. You coming?"
Alan frowned slightly.
"Uhm...no. I've got to go home.
"Oh." John said, his smile flattened slightly, "Okay. Well I'll see you around."
The pair arrived at the bike shed. Alan seemed to be in a rush to unlock his bike. As always.
"So why have you got to go home so quickly?"
"Huh? Oh," Alan muttered, barely audible, "I've, um, got to walk the dog. And stuff."
"Hmm, you know, it's weird I of all people should be saying this, but you should come out more often."
"What?" Alan said, evidently confused, "John, when was the last time you invited someone to your house?"
John scratched his head thoughtfully.
"A couple of years," he admitted, "but seriously, though, last summer we went to Limmer Park loads, but I can't remember you being there."
Alan shrugged.
"Whatever," he said, "yeah, I'll probably come out a bit more this summer. Bye."
"Bye."
John walked slowly up the main road to Moss Park. He smiled at the thought that he had actually gotten through Key Stage 4 without topping himself. Then he saw Paul Luther riding his bike round the corner.
"Hey Paul!"
Paul steered his bike towards John. John got into a "combat stance", jokingly, and dived out the way as Paul threatened to crash into him.
"Hi John. So you coming to Moss'?"
"Yeah. Who else is going?"
Paul got off his bike, and walked next to John.
"Let's see...Ron's going, so is Will. Um, I think Mike said he'll go. Oh yeah, and there's two people you don't know."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Michelle, and Emily. Actually, I think you've met Emily before-she went to St. Stanley's."
John frowned.
"Emily...I assume you don't mean Emily Shephard. She went to a different primary school. Where 'they from?"
"Her surname's Pollard. I don't know about Michelle. They both went to St. William's..."
"Isn't that a faith school?" John interrupted.
"Yeah. So?"
John shrugged.
"Just wondering," he said, "maybe I'll recognise her when I see her."
John and Paul walked in to the park, where they met Will McKiver, a lanky boy of mixed ethnicity, Mike Barber, whose black hair was stuck into spikes and highlighted brown, and Ron Ramsay. There wasn't anything interesting about Ron's appearance-he had very plain features, though overweight.
"Where's Emily and Michelle?" Paul asked the trio.
Ron shrugged.
"They were supposed to be here ten minutes ago. Then again, so were you."
"Sorry," Paul said, "I would have been here then, but I decided to walk with this twat."
"It's true. I slowed him down a lot," confessed John.
"Look!" Mike shot up, pointing at the two approaching girls melodramatically.
"Hey guys." Emily, a slightly nerdy looking girl said, adjusting her round glasses. Michelle, a freckled evangelical, followed suit, fiddling with the silver cross on her necklace.
John scratched his head. Contrary to what Paul had said, he recognised Michelle from his old primary school, but, as far as he could tell, had never seen the other girl in his life.
Michelle Hunter......
"Hi." The boys in the group said. Except for Mike, who instead hugged Emily, and bearhugged Michelle.
"Oh, by the way, this is John."
Emily greeted John pleasantly, while Michelle put on a clearly faked smile and muttered "Hello", before engaging in a conversation with Mike.
"Hi." John mumbled. He remembered disliking Michelle's snobbishly religious outlook on life back in primary school, but he simply couldn't remember Emily.
"I think you might know John from before, Emily." Paul said.
"Um...I don't know, he looks familiar. But I don't think we ever really knew eachother."
"Oh," Paul seemed dissapointed, "That's probably because you weren't in the same class."
Of course, John thought, sarcastically, because I didn't know you guys, did I?
The group split into two-Michelle, Mike and Will were talking to eachother inanely (at the expense of Will's comfort), while John, Paul, Ron and Emily talked about what had been going on in the years they had gone to different schools.
"So is Lizzie coming, Paul?" Emily asked.
Lizzie? John thought, confused, why do these guys never tell me about anything?
"No. She's busy."
"Aww, but you guys are so good together-"
"Who is Lizzie?" John asked.
"What do you mean who's Lizzie?" Paul laughed, "She's my girlfriend. We've been going out for, like, a month, you burke!"
"God, don't you know anything?" Ron said.
John looked at Emily. He hated being humiliated in front of people he didn't know.
"Well, how am I suppose to know about these things if you don't tell me about them?"
"Ah, excuses, excuses..." Paul said.
As the sun began to set later that evening, the friends began to leave. As Paul began to leave, John confronted him.
"Listen, um, who else is there from St. William's that I've not heard of?"
"Do you know Leanne?"
"No."
"Mickey?"
"From the club?"
"Yeah! Matt?"
"Also from the club?"
"No! God, don't you know anybody?"
John scowled.
"I don't know how you do it."
"Do what?"
"Keep getting loads of friends. I mean, from other schools. How do you get to know them and shit?"
"Msn. Myspace. That sort of stuff. You should get them."
"I have got them, actually!" John said, grinning, "I just haven't had them very long."
"Yeah, well, you'll meet everyone soon enough. See ya."
"Bye."
With that, John walked home in the dusk. He knew that the end of his GCSE's would result in the start of a new epoch in his life.
Unsure what to expect of the next three months of freedom, John resorted to thinking of the past, and smiled.
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Thanks for your very kind critiques. I've gone over it and edited the parts you (kissthewitch) thought could be changed. I've kept Mr Williams in, because I might want to make reference to him later on, but I might not, in which case I'll edit him out altogether. Also, I changed the first "epoch", but I've left the second for now because I can't be bothered to use my vast neural network.
All of the characters mentioned (probably excluding Mr Williams and Miss Frauki), and the relationships between them, will be developed further, though some more than others. As I think you've noticed, the story will revolve mainly around John. Sorry, I didn't realise I'd barely described him at all! He will get a better description in chapter 2.
Oh, and I can assure you that there will be no "monster from the swamp with fire eyes and some crazy soulsucking abilities"!
Although, now that you mention it.........
Thanks Luvzi for that critique, I've changed a few things to make it better. They're not actually in the exam room at the beginning (I editted the beginning a tiny bit to make this a bit clearer), in some schools the teacher is allowed to give a preparation speech beforehand. And what the teacher says is based quite closely on an old teacher of mine-I know, I find it hard to believe myself!
Also, I think most English Primary Schools are CoE, but, certainly where I live, only a few are faith schools-non faith schools might officially be CoE (I don't know if this is the case or not), but if this is the case they aren't funded by the church, whereas "faith schools" are. They also tend to get higher grades, but they are also known to overwork their students, indoctrinate them, increase suicide rates, etc. The school I've called St Stanleys is supposed to be a primary school, so it is as much a faith school as nearly every other primary school, while St Williams is a secondary school, so the fact that it is a faith school seperates it from the secondary school which John and his friends go to, which is a comprehensive school (haven't actually decided on the name yet). All of the adolescent characters mentioned, with the exception of Will and, now, Emily Shephard, went to St Stanleys, then some went to St Williams and the rest went to a school that currently has no name.
Let me know when you post part 2.
I liked the realness factor that you have with your characters. They are all easily kids you can relate to at your own school. I liked that.
