Revising Hope chapter 5

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Hey! It's Beauty again, and I am terribly sorry that I haven't posted in about three months. I've been crazy busy with school and theatre. So here it is, the culmination of about two months, Revising Hope chapter 4.

Please review.

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Hope’s heart felt cold. She looked around the table at the jolly faces, all drunk and none the wiser, but what had she expected? It wasn’t as if Jeffrey had remembered the promise that he had made. The promise! Hope thought, of course. Suddenly everything made sense to Hope. The crazy feelings, the sudden and strict love that she felt for Jeffrey, it was all due to the promise that he had made her when they were little. Perhaps Jeffrey had not remembered, but Hope certainly did.

A long time ago, when Hope was barely six, Jeffrey’s family had come to visit for the first time. At the time, Jeffrey had been ten, the same age as Faith. Hope was very shy at that age, and refused to come down and play with Jeffrey and Faith. Hope had looked out of her window that day at Jeffrey and Faith playing and the garden and felt the quiet desperation of loneliness. She realized that Jeffrey would never want to play with her when he had Faith. Hope didn’t realize it, but Jeffrey was already sick of playing with Faith. She was a bossy ten year old, and pushed poor Jeffrey around like a doll. When the time came for Faith’s ballet lesson, Jeffrey was overjoyed at being away from her for an hour. Their mothers had gone with Faith, leaving Jeffrey, Hope, and their fathers alone. Jeffrey snuck upstairs, and quietly peeked into Hope’s room. He found her sitting in the center of the floor, drawing pictures of the sun and clouds.

“Those are very pretty pictures,” he said sweetly. Startled, Hope looked up startled. A fine blush began to cover her pale skin. “I wish I could draw like that.”

A moment passed, and then Hope slowly stood up, “I could teach you,” she held out her tiny hand. Jeff immediately took it and sat down next to her.

After a few days, Hope and Jeff had grown extremely close. When the time drew near for his family to leave, Hope huddled in her closet and cried.

“Hope?” Jeffrey called. He opened the closet door, “Oh Hope.”
Hope looked up at him with her wide eyes, “Don’t leave me Jeffy,” her high, childish voice cried.

“I’ll come back Hope, I promise. One day we’ll be together.” And Jeff left.

Hope shook herself out of her thoughts. How could he not remember? Hope muttered to herself. It was so male to forget something so important. Then again, it had been a long time ago. She didn’t blame him. All of the sudden, she realized that she was still sitting frozen at the dinner table. Slowly she lifted her head, bracing the cold stares that were sure to be there. Surprisingly, no one had noticed her pain. Then again, what had she expected? Being with Faith left no room for Hope.

In her room, Hope pulled out her sketch book, something she had not touched in a long time. Flipping through the pages brought her back to a somewhat simpler time. She turned to one of the very first pictures. It was crude drawing, somewhat elementary, but it had just what she needed. For once in her life, Hope was taking control.

Hope looked back once more before she left the guest bedroom. The edges of the picture were sticking out ever so slightly. She slowly tiptoed back to her bedroom. Facing the mirror she looked cautiously at her face. She slowly traced the outline of her hair down to her waist, not realizing it had grown so long. Her wide blue eyes blinked back at her with a deep sadness. No sooner had she touched her face, her sister barged into the room. Startled, Hope fell back from the mirror. Her sister gasped in a drunken stupor, looking at her lazily, before falling to the floor in a dead faint.

Hope slowly wrung out a washcloth over the sink. The warm water seeped through her fingers and fell to the clean, white porcelain. For a moment, her eyes were entranced with the clear water falling, but she realized that she had priorities. Faith’s long body was laid out across her couch. Her normally tan skin was sheen with sweat, and white with an unhealthy pallor. Folding the washcloth across her forehead, Hope examined the rest of her body, reflecting on the past ten minutes.

When Faith had first fainted, Hope had made a movement towards the phone, but not before realizing that Faith was underage, and that she would face the consequences if the hospital got involved. So, instead of calling 911 like most girls her age would, she summoned up the doctor within her and treated Faith herself.

A sudden knock at the door startled Hope enough to fall over the floor.

“Hope, is everything all right?” Jeffrey’s sweet voice called. He sauntered into the room, and in one quick motion he pulled Hope back on her feet. He barely glanced at Faith; his eyes were focused on Hope. He closed the space between them in a quick stride, and his hand pulled something out of his pocket. Jeff’s smile widened as he glanced at the childish picture, “You remembered,” He muttered as he stretched his arms around Hope, breathing into her hair. Startled, Hope slowly pushed him away.
“Jeff you’re engaged,” she muttered, her eyes flickering towards Faith’s near-catatonic body.

“You seriously think this engagement was my idea?” He grumbled.

“Jeffrey?” A weak voice crooned from the couch. Startled, both Jeff and Hope jumped, and faced Faith. Jeff’s face looked surprised for a moment, and then hardened into a grimace. Wordlessly, Jeff cradled Faith in his arms, and walked out of the room, his face only turning back for a moment at Hope’s silent, pained face.
Zoom, Zoom, Zoom!




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Well, hello! I haven't read the other parts so if I have some pretty obvious questions, I'm sorry.

Aightt, let's get this started, son!


So here it is, the culmination of about two months, Revising Hope chapter 4.

...But your post is called Revising Hope chapter 5? Hah, mistake?


all drunk and none the wiser

I'm kind of blonde... what does this mean? Haha watch out for those tricky sayings!


The promise!

Thought's should be italicized and placed in ' '.


Suddenly everything made sense to Hope

Since you already used her name in the sentence before, we know who we're talking about. Replace 'Hope' with 'her'.


Jeffrey was overjoyed at being away from her for an hour

Try rewording this, maybe something like:
Jeffrey was filled with joy at the face that Faith was leaving for an entire hour.


fathers alone

Add 'home' between fathers and alone. ...fathers home alone.


Startled, Hope looked up startled.

Heh, I think this is pretty obvious(;


A moment passed, and then Hope slowly stood up,

Take the coma after 'passed' out.


How could he not remember

Remember, thoughts are put in italics and ' '.


It was so male to forget something so important

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OH MY THAT SLAYED ME. I loved that. That's great. :smt038


Characters:
I really like Hope. Not just because of her outlook on men (hah!) but because how true to herself she is. You developed her nicely and its nice to enter the thoughts of a real character. I didn't get much of Faith this time around, but I can tell that she's probably a bossy, I get what I want kind of girl. Jeff confuses me, but I have a weak side for him. I feel I've read some of this before, if I'm not mistaken and I'm pretty sure Faith got engaged with Jeff and they're at Hope and Faith's house and they just had dinner... or something.


Plot
It was cute! I think that there should be more depth behind some scenes, like when she was looking at herself in the mirror. Sometimes you seemed to be stereotypical about some things, but quickly recovered as if Hope was retracing her thoughts. Like I said, a true character.


Overall
I liked it! I am actually looking forward to the next part, so if you wouldn't mind PMing me when it's out? I'll be sure to review it!(:
A little less inhuman.
A little more brutal.
Let the blood be your drug.




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Thank you so much!
Yes, I did screw up the name haha.
I was in a hurry.
I realllyyy suggest you read the other three chapters to get the full story.
that was a great review though, and I really appreciate it.
Zoom, Zoom, Zoom!



All the turtles are related.
— Jack Hanna