The Deconstruction of Falling Stars

The Deconstruction of Falling Stars

As the cradle gently rocks
and the fire starts to grow
Let ashes turn to ashes
Let the wind begin to blow

Time and time again
the ages now have gone
Now we stand alone
Now we're moving on

Celestial flames ablaze
hope still carries far
Past the worries and the hurt
Past the furthest star

I would not miss this for the world
Even if it was offered unto me
Every mountaintop, every forest green
Every golden plain, every blue-green sea

The lights ablaze now far above
This here below stays silent
Heaven's movements feed the soul
Time stands still but for a moment

Far beyond these bounds of Earth
They call to us from where they are
Before this beginning was an end
We leave it now, this cradle star

A simple song, a minor dream
The truth of hope's great gleam

We know our love though worlds apart
the secret lies in the pure of heart

All that starts will always contend
with what must come, the melancholy end

For once was lost but now is found
the dream I had of the heavenly sound

Sight through eyes not yet full grown
contains a wisdom all it's own

Years may come, years may go
But through it all love shall grow

Here now it stands, here now we are
Through love and life we've come so far

No words now shall spoil this time
when the universe finally begins to rhyme

We are not done with the master plan
the growing up of the race of man

Look at all this, look at who we are
This is the deconstruction of falling stars

A lot of nice imagery but lost rather by some of annoying and stuttering rhyme. Whereas you have a wonderful idea making it full of rhyme makes it trite and fake. Then even though you've lovely imagery you don't give us any real understanding of it. Even in poems about something you should hint.

Another thing, the end would be more mind blowing if you changed the title to something else. This poem has lots of lovely and enchanting metaphors but even they're lost by constant unending drone and continuel change to other images. Which gives people headaches and annoys them.

Now to rhyme, you could have more intresting rhyming scheme like rhyming some verses but not others. But rhyming non-stop that just reduces maturity of this peice. Overall: A nice attempt, but it could of been oh so much better. Hope this helps.

Good luck
VSN

'Ello there.

I've never read anything of yours, but I just decided to go with this poem because I love the title and I just have a thing for poetry, and to tell you the truth, you didn't disappoint. This was one of the most beautifulest poems I've ever read in a while. It flowed wonderfully and its almost as if you can sing it. I could imagine this in a book somewhere, a story opener perhaps. Wonderful job. Hmm maybe you should write a story to go with it but its just a thought.

Oh and if you have any suggestions on what I should read of yours, send it to my way. I'm really sorry if I've neglected to read anything of yours.

Well, ta for now,

~Angel