Playing The Field - Chapter 2

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Sorry for the numerous errors in my story!
First try in Romance...ever. :oops:
Thanks for all your help in reviewing my work!
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“Argh!” Sean yelled as he dived down to block the ball I had aimed at the corner.

“Nice one.” I complimented, as he saved the ball at the last moment.

“That’s only four goals I saved. Bloody hell!”

“Four points is a lot in game, you know.”

“That’s four points saved out of about a hundred goals.” He grimaced.

“Cool down, Sean. It’s not your fault. You play basketball now, not football. C’mon I’ll help you out.” It was Miranda who spoke. The basketball team was busy making fun and doubling up in laughter, rolling all over the grass, tears spilling out of some of their eyes. Sean shot them death looks.

Now there were two goalkeepers.

Though they managed to block more goals together, but I still managed to get half the balls I kicked in the goal.

“You’re good, Liz. I’ll give you that. You definitely have a chance at the team, though a girl hasn’t been in it for at least three decades.”
Sean told me at the end of practice.

“Thanks. Change is good sometimes.” The basketball team hooted in agreement.

“Hey! There’s still some more time before dinner, show us some tricks, Liz!” A boy hollered. I politely declined.

“Tricks! Tricks! Tricks!” the basketball team started chanting and would stubbornly continue to demand a show as I persistently declined. Gradually, I got tired of saying ‘No’ so many times, and I gave in.

The boys erupted into a cheer.

Unsure of what to do, I kicked the ball over my head and back to my front with the sole of my right foot, volleying the ball around and weaving it between and around my feet. I scored some goals with banana kicks then Sean shouted, “Liz! Can you do a bicycle kick?”

I froze. “Oooh. Anyone got a bicycle?” One of the basketballers, Logan, asked around. The boys stared at me, waiting for a response.

Then I cracked a smile, “Silly Logan, I don’t need a banana to do a banana kick, and neither do I need a bicycle to do a bicycle kick.”

He smiled sheepishly, and I turned to the guys, “Well, I was kinda sorta saving that move for the tryouts.”

“Aww, c’mon, Liz! Pretty please?”

The begged and groveled, giving me puppy dog eyes.

“Fine. But only once, so watch carefully, and do not tell anyone, no one at all, that I did this. I would like it to be a surprise. Promise!” I said sternly.

They promised and I walked back to the field, positioning myself at the center of the penalty box. Miranda followed me, preparing to kick the ball to me. I took a deep breath as the ball flew at the height of my head. I jumped and flipped in the air, my left foot coming into contact with the ball. Swinging my left foot forward, the ball was sent flying into the goal in a straight line as I landed on my back.

For a second, the place was silent, then the basketball team and Miranda roared and applauded at my performance.

“Brilliant!”

“Stupendous!”

“Amazing!”

“Fabulous!”

“Awesome!”

“Fantastic!”

“Superb!”

“Marvelous!”

“Spectacular!”

“BOYS!” I yelled. “I am fully aware that you vocabulary and exaggeration skills are excellent, there’s no need to prove it to me.”

They guffawed as they observed my cheeks blushed bright crimson, like two Christmas lights.

Miranda and I headed back early as there was class tomorrow. I suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of it. “It’ll be okay. We have all the same classes. I’ll be there for you. Just get some rest, tomorrow’s your big day, and by that I mean the football tryouts. We don’t want you going there looking like a panda. Besides me, Sean and the guys will be there to cheer you on.”

“Great.” I grumbled. More pressure on me to perform well. Just what I need to soothe my nerves.

I woke up the next morning at the sound of my alarm with my hair looking like a bird’s nest, everything in tangles. Miranda was already up and dressed.

“I got changed early so that I could help you dress up. You need help, or the guys are going to start calling you a ‘he’ rather than a ‘she’.”

“I don’t mind.” I sighed as her comb and my hair fought a vicious battle. “You really don’t need to do this.”

“Oh but I want to. Anyway, if you actually looked like a girl, the boys would be more shocked at how good you play soccer then when you go there looking like one of them.”

I let her help me.

I was ordered to shower and condition to untangle my hair. She blow-dried my hair and commented on how I had nice wavy hair that curled at the ends. “Whatever.” I shrugged. I didn’t really give a heck about my appearance.

She tried to get me into a skirt or a dress, but I refused. She could help me, but I was definitely not getting into one of those things. We settled for a pair of jeans, a plain light blue collared shirt and a black vest. The cute preppy look. The good thing about this school was that everyone here was pretty much a nerd, concerned about maintaining their good grades and everything. Even the jocks. No one would make fun of another for being smart. To top off my ‘look’, Miranda handed me a box which looked suspiciously like the kind that contained jewelry. I don’t do jewelry. She urged me to open it and nestled in the satin, was a necklace. A simple silver chain, with a pendant shaped in a soccer ball. I just stared open mouthed at it.

“A gift from Sean and I. The black spots are real onyx, you know.”

“It’s beautiful. You really shouldn’t have.”

“But we did. Consider it a ‘welcome to Everfield’ gift. We saw it the other day when I went out with Sean. We thought you’d like it. Here, let me help you put it on.”

I held up my hair as she fastened the chain securely around my neck.

“Thank you,” I whispered, hugging her tightly.

“You’re welcome!” She smiled, then looked at her watch. “We’d better get to class. Come on!”

We went to our homeroom. It was very spacious. The cheerleader-type girls were at the back, presumably gossiping and applying on a coat of makeup. The studious ones sat in front, reading a book or quietly waiting for the teacher to arrive. The jocks sat clustered around in the middle, flinging paper balls and stationery at each other. As rebellious and disobedient as they seemed, it was quite hard to believe that they were naughty. Their attires were mostly plain collared shirts and jeans. One or two of them were wearing jackets, but none of the jocks looked like the rowdy type.

I wasn’t really paying attention to them and sat down next to Miranda, the only available seat left in the class. I turned to inspect my surroundings and classmates.

***
Oh. My. God.

We were seated in the middle of ‘jock territory’ and to my right, sat Alex Taylor.

I stared with wide eyes and gaped unattractively at him. He sensed someone was looking and he turned to look at me. His expression matched mine, but he recovered quickly and smirked, “Hey. How was your tour? Did you manage to admire the beautiful scenery?”

My mouth snapped shut and I gritted my teeth. How dare he bring that up again. Get a grip on yourself! Remember! Insult! A few days and you’ve become a softie. I composed myself and smirked back, “Yes, the scenery was beautiful, though I can’t exactly say that for what I’m looking at right now.”

“At least you’re not the one who’s eyes are burning from having to look at someone hideous. Oh wait, you can’t look at yourself. Why don’t you try a mirror?”

“Oh, I’d gladly fix that problem for you. I’m sure a black eye would close up your eye. Then you won’t have to look at me.” I snapped.

“Your very presence makes me nauseous.”

“Do you want a broken rib?” I threatened, glaring fiercely at him.

“Oooooh, scary. Is that a threat…” He trailed off.

“I see no point in telling you my name as I can see that we’re not about to be acquainted.”

“I never said I wanted to be acquainted. Keep on dreaming.”

“When you say dream, I assume you mean having nightmares.”

“Yeah. That’s what I’ll have if we ever get acquainted.”

“You wish.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“Not in a billion years. Now shut up, loser.” I growled.

I turned away from him to look at Miranda, who staring at me like I was insane. The whole class was silent. I turned around and all eyes were on me, Alex was clearly trying to prevent any laughter from escaping from his lips.

“What?! Never seen a girl lose her temper?” I snapped to no one in particular, irate.

Classes began and I was introduced to the class. Ms Hudson made me stand in front and tell everyone more about myself.

“So what do you like, Elizabeth?”

I was about to blurt out football, but stopped myself in time, “I think they’ll find out later today.” Grinning, I looked at Miranda who gave me two thumbs-up.

Tests which that the rest of the class had taken were handed out. Some girl called ‘Geraldine’ had come in first place, while Miranda had come in second, and in third, much to my shock, Alex Taylor.

He snickered as he surveyed my incredulous expression and I quickly changed my emotion to fit one of nonchalance. You better watch your back Alex, because not only am I going to top you in football, but in grades as well.

Thinking that I would only be seeing him for that particular class, I heaved a sigh of relief as the bell rang. Unfortunately, I found out that his timetable was identical mine. Shit. I’ll have to see him in for football and classes.

At last, the final bell had sounded and school was out for the day. I swiftly packed my bag and Miranda had already gone to find Sean and the other basketballers. I got changed and walked in the direction of the field where I would meet them. In front of me, the football team was heading in the same direction, obviously.

“I hope this year has a better selection. Remember the sophomore that tripped over his own feet?” One of them sighed exasperatedly.

“Hey, that Elizabeth kid that you were arguing with is following us. Dude, maybe she’s stalking you, Alex.”

“We weren’t arguing, Daniel.” A low voice replied. For some strange reason, butterflies appeared in my stomach at the sound of his voice.

“Whatever you say, captain. Look, she’s still on our heels. I bet she wants to watch the tryouts, get some eye candy if you know what I mean.”

Another voice answered, “Totally, no one can resist watching a team of hot guys work out.”

I rolled my eyes. Perhaps the fact that I had a jacket on, failed to indicate to them that I was trying out. Or maybe they were simply dumb. Not with those grades. Recalling the mark Alex had gotten.

“Seriously, guys, she’s still here.”

I sped my pace up and overtook their walk, pretending I did not see them, my ponytail swishing about wildly with the speed. Disappearing around the corner, I turned to the left and walked out of the door before they could see that I was exiting the school and heading to the field. I could hear them laughing away like hyenas. Prats.

When I reached the field, Miranda and the others were already waiting for me. I took off my jacket as they explained to me how they would introduce me. The boy bopped around excitedly, eager to see the faces of the soccer team when they saw me.

I stood behind them, sheltered from everyone else’s view, with Sean at the front of the formation. As Alex and the rest of the football team walked onto the field, Sean and the whole group moved to greet them and I followed. Here comes my grand entrance. I’m going to give them an experience they’ll never forget. I folded my arms across my chest.
I could hear them conversing.

“Oh hey Sean. What are you guys doing here? Don’t you have training? The big game is coming up.” The football looked a bit taken aback but not displeased at the sight of the basketball team at their field.

They extended their fists and knocked them together. I forgot, the footballers and basketballers were all jocks, and in other words, part of the same in-crowd.

“Naw, today is our day off. There’s training for the rest of the week though. We came here to support our friend who’s trying out today.”

“Oh. Well, tell him that it starts in five minutes. He’s supposed to meet Coach Keel at the goal there.” Turning his head in the direction of where Coach Keel stood.

“I think you mean, she is supposed to meet him there.” Sean said, trying very hard to keep a straight face.

“Oh, okay…wait, WHAT?” Alex’s green eyes bulged out, as the rest of the team’s did.

“Guys, meet Elizabeth.” At my name, the basketballers parted in the middle, to reveal me, standing with my arms folded, facing them.

“Hey guys!” I smiled sweetly while they continued to stare at me, at a loss for words. “I’ll see you on the field!” I untucked one of my hands and gave them a small wave, happily skipping off the meet the coach. I could feel the stares of the football team and the guys trying out, staring after me in disbelief. Miranda mouthed the words ‘Good luck’ and the basketballers rolled around on the grass, positively hysterical with laughter at the footballers’ reactions.

“Chill dudes, she’s a girl. She won’t make the cut. Won’t she?” Sean asked in a convincing tone, but I could hear the smile lying just under it. He had seen my moves, he knew what I was capable of and he knew that I could make it.

I walked up to Coach Keel and gently tapped him on his shoulder. He spun around, “What kid? Can’t you see that I’m busy taking down the names of those trying out?” I peered at the clipboard he was holding. Seventeen names were scribbled on the paper, all boys.

“Well, I’m here to sign up. The boys told me to come here.” I pointed at the boys, who were still immobile, their mouths hanging open and catching flies. The coach glanced over at them and frowned, “What’re you doing? Get changed! I want the tryouts to go smoothly and punctually.” He barked at them.

The snapped out of their trance like state and scrambled to change, ripping off their shirts and long pants, clad only in their boxers. “Guys, we have a lady here!” Coach Keel reprimanded. They looked at me and I looked at them. I gotta admit, they look good. Buff. Alex caught me checking the team out. His green eyes met my blue ones and it felt like I just received an electric shock. I whipped my head back to the coach.

“It’s not like she minds. She can change in front of us anytime.” They joked, from the corner of my eye I could see that they were flexing their muscles. Miranda slapped her hand to her forehead, rolled her eyes, and seated herself with Sean and the basketballers.

After they got tired of showing off, as if that would really happen, they threw on their sports shirts and pants, lacing up their shoes and taking a gulp of water. Then they jogged onto the field and Coach Keel blew his whistle to signal the start of the tryouts.

Show time.
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"




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Remember what I said about overreacting? Yeah, there's a whole lot of that in this chapter. I think you need to tone down both the scene where she showed the boys her "moves" and the heated argument between her and Alex.

Why do they hate each other, anyway? They have absoloutly no reason to - they barely talked in the beginning, and he only made some lame remark about not giving her a tour. I think you need to go back and have something major happen, that will piss either him or her off. Then, instead of name-calling and raised voices, it would be more realistic if the two simply gave each other cold shoulders and glares.

Boys don't freak out if a girl can do a few things with a ball. They don't shout "Stupendous!" or "Amazing!" Well, at least the ones I know don't. The guys I know just grin and say something like, "Cool." That's it. That's the gist of it. If you portray this in your work, it would be more realistic.

One last thing: I assume your MC is doing her "moves" with a football? I mean, you're talking about basketball seconds earlier, and all of a sudden Elizabeth is kicking the ball towards a goal, right? This makes me think of soccer. Reword all that so the reader can better understand.

Oh, and remember. This:


“Nice one.” I complimented



Should be this:


“Nice one,” I complimented



As for positive feedback, I did like your cliffhanger ending. It's a good way to make the reader want more.

So keep writing, girl :)

KJ




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Hi, I like this story, just look over it and edit spelling n' grammer n' whatnot.
To be honset, I agree with KJ about the dialogue and reactions, though don't change the overall tone of friendliness- that's pretty cool! S'nice to see some positivity in a story, even though it could have taken a horrible turn and make Liz's arrival total Hell!
I don't understand: is it football or soccer? Is she English or American, and is it set in England or America? Be sure not to change the name of the sport, because it's confusing.
Also, giving her a necklace on the second or third day? I know I said I like the positivity of the story and characters, but are they that nice?
I do like this story a lot, as it sets itself away from a lot of the depressing break up scenarios n' shiz. I like Liz's fiestiness too, and how she's fighting not to show her feelings about Alex, even though she's failing haha! >.<
Keep it Old Skool.




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Haha, based on what KJ says,
There's probably more confusion and overreaction that's going to happen.
I'm only editing the story as a whole,
So yeah, some of the mistakes that were already present in the previous chapters,
You don't have to mention, like the comma in my dialogue
Which KJ has been so nice as to point out.
Thanks people! :)
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"




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I agree with KJ, who's said a lot of what i wanted to. There is no reason for the argument, you have not based much of a reason any way. And they over react a little toooo much.

Also, it's very rushed. It's like bam bam bam this then this then this later today this happpened, etc, and you should link a lot of your sentences together or expand them more.
Better dialogue, but still, it's weak. Think about what they'd be thinking, and saying, and there would be way more spoken.
Also, you seem to be rushing a lot. Everything happens quite fast, i found. So slow it down and give them time to spend a day doing something! haha :)

It's better than the first chapter, and it's got the interest in me to keep going.

Still, the writing is a little empty, it needs more description and bigger words than walked, watched, flew etc and you need to be specific on details.
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