Sunlight

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Sunlight


"It's pretty." She mumbled a soft smile on her face.

He leaned back against the fence and closed his eyes, his face uplifted towards the sun.
He looked celestial under the sunlight, his finely carved face, and full lips, dark lashes, all perfectly outlined by the sun.

"You want to know where I got it from." He said with his eyes still closed. The girl stroked the smooth opaque stone. She held it up in the sunlight and looked at it closely.

"It glows."

"Yeah. It's unearthly. You won't find another one of these any time soon." He said, finally opening his eyes. He looked at the girl with such solemnity that made the girl blush.

"So, then where is it from?" She asked, avoiding his gaze.

"If I told you, would you really believe me?" She could feel is intense questioning gaze. She looked up and met his deep brown eyes. There was so much in them -a whole universe. She always felt lost and confused when she looked into them. She averted her gaze and looked at her toes instead.

"Yes."

"It's an edenic rock. Do you know what that means?"

"I think so." She looked at him, confused. "But I don't think it could really be from Heaven."

"So you don't believe me?"

"No, I do. I mean, I don't know. But how?" She looked up at him, questioning him.

He looked disappointed. There was a moment of silence. The girl twiddled with the grass at her feat and the boy just looked towards the clouds.
"Do you want to fly?" He asked.

"I do. But I don't know how to."

"Don't you think it's absurd I asked you such a question?" He closed his eyes again.

"No. I've always wanted to fly; since I was a little girl." She said.

"Then how come you never flew?" He questioned.

"I told you, I don't know how."

"Why didn't you learn?"

She let out a soft laugh, "And who do you suppose I could learn from?"

He opened his eyes and leaned forward towards her. So close that she could feel his breath. "Do you really want to learn?"

"Yes. Very much." she whispered. She couldn't bring herself to use her voice. She felt odd around him. She was such a clumsy fool around him. He was so perfect. Her voice would ruin everything. It didn't belong with this moment; it was too earthly and belonged to a different time and space, it would slice through the atmosphere.


He leaned even closer and whispered in her ear, "Then, I'll teach you."

He leaned back against the fence and closed his eyes again.

"You already know the basics of flying." He said.

She wondered how. But she didn't ask. She didn't want to sound stupid.

"Look at your feet." he said with his eyes still closed.

She looked at her feet. What was so special about them? She had five toes on each foot. What was so different about that? What did that have to do with flying?

"Why aren't you wearing shoes?" He asked. She didn't know he had noticed her bare feet.

"I don't like wearing shoes on the grass. I like feeling the grass on my feet. The grass is a nicer carpet than the one in my room, if I don't wear shoes on that one, why should I on the grass?"

"Then you already know how to fly. I won't teach you."

"Oh." she whispered, disappointed.

"Can, I ask you something?" She said after a moment.

"Will you believe my answer?"

"Yes."

"Then you may."

"Who are you?" She said cautiously. He opened his eyes and sat up, placing his steady hand on the girl's shaky hand. His touch was warm, like hot chocolate and blankets on a snowy evening.

"Keep the stone close to you always. Trust it, it'll help you fly and find me."

The she made the mistake of blinking. He was gone.


................................
Last edited by mizz-iceberg on Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
--Ellen DeGeneres




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Hello my dear! Hope this review is helpful to you!

He looked celestial under the sunlight, his finely carved face, and full lips, dark lashes, all perfectly outlined by the sun.


I would say..."all were perfectly outlined by the sun"

"Yeah. It's unearthly. You won't find another one these any time soon." He said,


"another one of these any time soon.""

"Do you want to fly?" He asked.

"I do. But I don't know how to."

"Don't you think it's absurd I asked you such a question?" He closed his eyes again.

"No. I've always wanted to fly; since I was a little girl." She said.

"Then how come you never flew?" He questioned.

"I told you, I don't know how."

"Why didn't you learn?"


When you have big clumps of dialogue like here, I always crave a bit more description...I want to know how each characer reacts to what the other character has said...the look on their faces, their body language....

The piece in its entirity is quite good, but I do think it lacks character definition and description in the parts I've already mentioned...if you have any questions feel free to PM me
Olivia
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If you wake up in the morning and all you can think of is writing, then you're a writer...




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Ok, this was good! :D Probably a little more desciption wouldn't hurt. Like, where are they? Are they in a field? Where is the field? Stuff like that.

She wondered how. But she didn't ask.

That is a little bit choppy. Maybe you could combine the two sentences.
I liked it though. *claps* The stone and the boy seem so mysterious. Oooh. Despite what I like about description, I also like mysterioius stuff. :D
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Surely you can be mysterious and not lack description though....otherwise it would be really boring!
Olivia
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That was awesome.
My heart's still racing lolz! The mistakes n shiz have been pointed out, but wow it leaves me with a lot of questions, which is pretty sick :D
Hoping you will have another chapter to continue this story with: I want to know what happens next. I've been looking for a magical romancy-type story.
xx
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Thank you guys for your comments. I understand what you mean Olivia about it needing more description. I tried to make vague, but I guess I got carried away. I'll see what I can do with this.

:D
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
--Ellen DeGeneres



Gravity was a mistake.
— Till Nowak