No Smoking.

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Inhaling and exhaling, all that smoke.
This is seriously, not a joke.
Cigarettes are expensive, don't you see why?
You're influencing others to give it a try.

I tried to escape, but they were everywhere.
Smoking here, smoking there.
They were selfish, only cared about themselves.
They didn't care, about anyone else.

The youth of today is warned not to even try,
Is it all just a hypocritical lie?
Some smokers are considerate while others aren't.
Some can control while some just can't.

In the eyes of the young,
I plead you all to think about others.
Especially the little babies and pregnant mothers.
You're harming yourself, it's self-destruction.
You might not recover, no matter how much construction.

Here's some good news, it's not the end of your life.
You can recover, if you strive.
It's takes the willpower and some persistence,
Don't give up, you need the commitment.
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits, and their entrances
And one man in his life plays many parts.
-Sir William Shakespear.




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Points 890
Reviews 253
This was really kinda preachy. There are a lot of cliches. If you used some more original images, then it could be better. Right now you'e not really making anyone care, you're just saying "Smoking's bad!" Yes, we know that, you have to present it in an interesting way, with less of the stock warnings.
"Just saying none of us want to conquer the world won't stop some other idiot from trying."
~Liberty and Justice, by Paul Dini

www.batmanworldblog.blogspot.com




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 8
Hey there, thanks for the reply. (: I will review my poem and try to improve it again. Thanks for the suggestion! :D
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits, and their entrances
And one man in his life plays many parts.
-Sir William Shakespear.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 5
Hi,
We are learning about cigarettes in health at school at the moment.
Its really bad to smoke,
did you know that if you smoke while pregnant,
you can give birth to a really tiny baby,
in some cases I think you can get a disease called gang-green where bits of your body drop off, and your fingernails and teeth can turn yellow or brown,
Gross!!!!!!
but anyway,
I agree with CK Lynn,
you are preaching sort of and everyone already knows smoking is bad for you.
so make it interesting,
liven it up.



I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory