Scritch Scratch Medley

insanity scratched on tabletops
amid the coffee rings
and the cookie crumbs
fallen from errant lips
into the laps of pretty girls
Scritch
Scratch
Scritch
Scratch
it's still getting carved out
though we sip our mochas
and go on with life
we turn on the indie station
to drown out the sound
of Elliot's dry claws
they're still scuttling, don't you know
Scritch
Scratch
Scritch
Scratch
Perhaps we have become Leda
but this is no swan
just a harsh black crow
with even harsher sounds
lurking above the doorway
of this society's coffee shop
waiting to do it there

And what a very good attempt this is!

I loved it, to be honest, I liked the structure and the way it flowed. The lack of punctuation in this even worked (mno punctuation really bothers me usually). But in all honesty I was a little confused of the topic, but I guess I was just too happy reading it to really worry.

I don't write poetry so I find it hard to suggest any improvement, so...I won't (And I really don't think that it needs much) So i will just give you my praise

All the best,
Meevs
x

Connnnrrr-RAD.

I'm not a poetry connoisseur, but I saw this and thought, "Hey, I've been doing a pretty good job and reviewing him consistently, so I'll keep it up.

I do like this, and I like the structure - the topic as well. Insanity is always fun. If I can make a revision or suggest something, that is rather hard, though I WAS thinking about the "scritch scratch lines". You seem to be trying to break out of the norm with the structure there but it's still rather normal, so perhaps make the structure even more curious there. Something like:

Scritch
scratch
scrith
scritch
scratch.

To make the pacing of the scratching even more skewed, even more manic? Or perhaps italicization, or some other change - it's up to your own creativity. I was just thinking that there was a level of insanity in the poem we could bring out more by messing with the structure a bit.

Ah, my tragic poetry reviews... I need to work on them.

~ Clo