Danger like you.

You are danger you break everything in sight.
Hoping that you will fill your self esteem within time.
Luring every heart to come to you,
Not knowing that some actually fall for you.
Loving my tears of blood when you broke my heart,
laughing at my ignorance and hope.
danger like you cant be avoided

nice, keep up the good work!


-grimy

You are danger you break everything in sight.

This is a great opening line to start a poem and I really like it. However, you are missing something in between danger and you. Whether you insert a comma or the word "as", you do need something. I suggest the word "as."

Hoping that you will fill your self esteem within time.

This is a solid line with no real problems. However, I would try to go a difference route and not talk about the self-esteem of this person as it doesn't really fit with what else is written. I see that the person lures every heart that comes to them to boost the self-esteem, but it still isn't really needed.

Luring every heart to come to you,

Great line!

Not knowing that some actually fall for you.

Another very solid line

Loving my tears of blood when you broke my heart,

Another very solid line

laughing at my ignorance and hope.

This is a good line but I would add the word "my" before hope to add a sense of symmetry between ignorance and hope. Also, don't forget to capitalize laughing.

danger like you cant be avoided

This is a perfect line to end the poem and my favorite part of it. Just remember to add a period to the end of the sentence and capitalize danger. Also, I would recommend changing cant to can not. If not, make sure you add an apostrophe to the word cant.



Wonderful wonderful poem that I really enjoyed reading. A quote you may like relating to the subject is by Sean Daley stating, "I got an idea: You should get a tattoo that says "Warning"
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left and save breath"

Its a really solid poem, you dont have any sentences that really take down the whole piece. No weak parts which is excellent to see. It really reminds me of Dylan's Idiot wind, below are three chunks of the song to relate to.

I woke up on the roadside, daydreamin' 'bout the way things sometimes are
Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
You hurt the ones that I love best and cover up the truth with lies.
One day you'll be in the ditch, flies buzzin' around your eyes,
Blood on your saddle.

Idiot wind, blowing through the flowers on your tomb,
Blowing through the curtains in your room.
Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
You're an idiot, babe.
It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.

It was gravity which pulled us down and destiny which broke us apart
You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart.
Now everything's a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped,
What's good is bad, what's bad is good, you'll find out when you reach the top
You're on the bottom.

Sorry its pretty long. I like your lines of
Luring every heart to come to you,
Not knowing that some actually fall for you.

My suggestion is possibly playing with tense changing, it might not work but try it out. Solid piece

I like the theme of the poem. A danger like that can't really be avoided.

It is awesome! Keep writing!