On the subject of lack of peace...

There is no Peace

there is only
war
and death
and suffering
and deceit
and factions
and destruction
and the craving for power

It's not a sense of impending doom, just
A sense
of imperfection

Hey! Long time, no crit!

For me anyway. xD We'll see how rusty I am, nay?

This Is What I'm Talking About!

This is very... depressing? Lol, I suppose that's a good word to use. The message is very clear. You made sure that the reader wouldn't miss that, which I think is your fault. You only told us straight out, but there was no imagery or anything. You didn't lead the reader to the point or challenge them to figure it out. You just said out right out there. If you gave a picture or a metaphor or something to help the reader understand your point, this would have been more successful in connecting with the reader.

What you did was take a common phrase (War and Peace), intending to tear it down and claim victory. You didn't win, though. You have to support your claim. There is no peace. Why? There is only war... plus a bunch of other negative things. You don't say why, though. You don't give an example. You don't connect any real problems with your claim. Just like an essay, you have to support it. You have to prove to the reader that your message isn't hogwash. Tell them why.

How In The World Can I Tell The Reader What I Mean Without Telling Them What I Mean?

Drive some emotion into the poem. Use imagery or other poetry devices to assist you.

Here's an excellent example! Anxiety by Suzanne. She told us the reason why she wrote it, but even if you didn't read the Author's Note, Suzanne's imagery is terrifyingly accurate. I can easily relate to it because I have some anxiety disorder thingy, but it's not serious. It's there enough though that I can relate to this poem.

Suzanne used repetition, hyperbole, maybe even some personification. It helped the poem move along.

Devices Are Stupid, Though

Imagery's a device. This is one of the most common, if not the most common, devices to use. You can easily relate to the reader through smell, taste, sight, hear, and feel. We love our senses. We depend on them to get through the day everyday, and we use them in writing. Readers need visuals. They want a picture in their head. This is an excellent way to make your point in a poem. Poets use imagery to connect with the reader and make it more enjoyable to read.

So, What Did I Do Wrong?

Nothing.

Your poem is a great start, but it can be very much improved. Basically, what you have is a bunch of words put together. What a reader wants out of a poem, though, is much more deep. The reader should be able to relate to the poem and understand it without you telling them straight off the bat.

Any Suggestions As To Fix This Thing Up?

I'm not a poet. I tried and failed. But I have read poetry, and I have a basic idea as to what a poem should be. Yours is a great start (Don't even dare think it's not poetry-worthy!), and to help you improve, research! We have great poets all around the site here that would be happy to help you. Some of them wrote articles in the Knowledge Base as to how to write poetry. Check those out.

And read. Just read poetry. Figure out how poets write and find your style. Put the pieces together and write!

Any questions, feel free to PM me!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!