Cynic

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Cynic

1

I walk into Mrs.Coffman’s class. I see the blue and black spotted carpet upon which the other children are running. The classroom is warm and filled with the slurred high-decimal, high-frequency voices of kindergardeners. I see the four special activities tables, and the masking tape marked circle that the whole class sits around during lessons. I hang up my coat and backpack in the cubby marked with my name, and I walk over to talk with the other kids.
“Where’s Mrs. Coffman?” I ask.
“She’s not here today,” one of the boys replies in a high pitched pre-pre-pubescent voice, “we have a Sub.”
The little boy turns his head and points to a woman busy organizing papers at the teacher’s desk. Almost instantaneously the Sub stands up and yells, “Class! Settle down. Everyone be quiet!”
The Sub is old. She is wearing small frameless glasses and she lets her greasy gray hair hang down by her ears. She conceals her overweight body with a one-piece denim dress and a collared white shirt underneath. The Sub walks to the front of the room, I can feel her footsteps through the reverberations in the floor.
“Class, Mrs. Coffman is absent today. I’m your sub, you can call me Mrs. White. -- Today we’ll be going into our activity groups first thing. The choices are, ‘arts and crafts,’ ‘sound,’ ‘library,’ and ‘writing.’ When I call your name tell me what activity you want to do. Only four students per group.” The sub begins the roll call. She calls my name, I say “arts and crafts.”
“That’s full!” the Sub shouts.
“Yes, but Mrs. Co-”
“No Buts!” she yells.
“But, I’m worki-”
“No Buts!” the Sub screams, “Your choices are ‘sound,’ ‘library,’ or ‘writing!’ Which one do you want?”
Blearily able to see out of my tear-filled eyes I exclaim, “None! Mrs. Coffman and I are working on a project she said I could fini-”
“How many times do I have to tell you! No exceptions!”
Sobbing, I say,“But-”
“No Buts! -- You’ve just earned yourself a ‘Time Out’, young man!”
I sit in the chair in front of the room. A few minutes pass. Chloe walks by, “Why did you do that?!” she asks me in a hostile tone.
“What?” I mutter, still trying to get my crying under control. I cannot understand. Why is she on the teacher’s side? How can she think that Sub is right? She walks away. What? She knows Mrs. Coffman always lets me do ‘arts and crafts.’ I don’t get it! I don’t get it!
2

“So what kind of guitar do you have then?” I ask.
“I’ve got an Epiphone les paul. You know, it’s sort of a Gibson knok-off.” Brendan replies.
“Oh yeah man, I know. There’re not bad though, at least not for four-hundred bucks.”
We approach the front of the lunch line.
“Yeah, I guess so. What kind do you have?” he asks as I’m about to order.
“I’ve got a Fender Powerhouse Strat - chicken nuggets please - it’s got powered pickups, I think its the best sounding Mexican Strat out there -- thanks.” I scan my card.
Brendan orders his food, “That sounds cool man.”
We go to sit down. Brendan sits next to a friend of his, there are no empty seats. Brendan talks with her. I stand there for a second, He is absolutely ignoring me, I think. I just switched into this school, no place to sit, ‘don’t know anyone. Goddamn it; phony bastard. The nerve of these kids. I’m gettin’ out of here. I walk out of the cafeteria, throw away my food, and I walk into town.
3

My cell phone vibrates in my pocket, I pick it up. “Hi,” I say.
“Hey Sasha... It’s Jessie,” she says in a crackly sort of voice.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask.
“Nothing, how was the game?”
“We lost. It was pretty fun to watch though, like, you know how the hockey games are,” I say, trying to sound as relaxed as possible.
“Yeah... So listen... First I just wana say that that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever made for me. Like, it was just so cool and nice and everything... But I’m sorta already going with Sam.”
“Sam?”I exclaim, “But he’s a Sophomore.”
“Yeah, but I already asked him... And it would be sorta weird to tell him that I don’t wana go with him anymore - I guess if I didn’t ask Sam I would say ‘yes,’ but...”
I interrupt, “So are you two still ‘going out’ or whatever?”
“No, no, it’s official on facebook” she says in a low volume voice, probably moving the phone away from her mouth.
“Oh... Well,” I say awkwardly. A second or two pass.
“I gota go,” she says, “it’s late.”
“Yeah,” I reply, “me too, see you in school I guess.”
“Bye.”

4

Charley and I are idling in my car, parked in the municipal parking lot. “Yo man, put on some tunes,” I say.
“Don’t worry man, I got it. How does Devendra Burnheart sound?” Charley asks as he opens the glove compartment in search of an iPod.
“That sounds great,” I say in a raspy relaxed tone.
Charley asks,“Hey... Um, where’s the wire?” I lean over and grab the ‘aux in’ wire and put it in the iPod. A few seconds later the music finally comes on. “Nice man,” Charley says.
We sit for just a second till this cop drives up. “Goddamn it man,” Charley says as cop shines its lights directly at us.
“Ugh, Authoritarian bastards,” I say, “let’s get out of here.”
“Yeah man,” Charley says.
I make a left out of the parking lot and stop at the red light by the train station.
“ Where do you wana go Charley?” I ask.
“ I dono man.”
“I don’t know either.”
We pause for a minute. The light turns green. I make a right and follow the railroad tracks out.
"It is the voice of emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves." –Milan Kundera




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Ok first things first. It is a general rule here that for every piece of work that you have posted you should have reviwed atleast 2 other pices of work, and keep to that ratio, you have only reviewed one so I would suggest getting out there and do some more reading and reviewing ;)
This is a cute beinning of the story, first part reminded me of when I was in Primary school and when a sub came in, thing is with my experience they were always push overs and we always did what we wanted :)

I also smiled at the 'its offical on facebook'! I l,voe how relationships can revolve around that site these days :)

Ok, I think you need to define what is going on here _ i take it these are different points in his life?

Are you going to make this into something longer?

PM me if you post anymore

Meevs
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Hey. That was good!! I am not really that good of a editor. so I will try my best! :D
Many times in the first part, you capitalized sub. I am pretty sure you are not supposed to do that.
That was the only thing I found, so good job!! The story was really good to. Having the different vantage points was a cool idea. Good job! :D
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." ~ Lao-tzu

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In the first paragraph a/b the kid's voices, you meant 'decibel'. I didn't find anything wrong in the rest of it, but a few things: when the guys are talking about guitars, well, I don't know anything about guitars, so I was a little confused. Also, I just don't exactly understand what it's about. It was a very well-written piece, though. Is the theme to point out instances in which people are cynical? Is it about just him being cynical? Or about when different people are cynical? Is it a fable sort of piece? Just wondering as to the plot... But it was really a good read, the first line had me hooked.
PS: the 'Sub' thing, as in capitalized, is OK by what I know, b/c it's a proper noun to young kids, I got where that came from. However, the 'But' thing, didn't make much sense capitalized. Unless you were to do 'Buts' like that, in quotes, to show it was a sort of recurring theme, a proper noun in the Sub's head in the way young kids act so...cynical. Love the title, just don't know exactly where it plays in. :)



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