Poisoned Roses--Chapter 14

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*edited*
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Okay, okay... I SKIMMED! Shut up, you know-it-all. So this was what I found. There were a few other things, but I was too lazy to do it all. Shut up.

A car cruises by and I pause, glancing back at the Manor partly covered by trees.

Tut-tut. Awkward sentence Ash. You know better.


I know what I will do—spend my hours at the lakeside.

I don't like the structure, the separation between the two segments. Reword.


I am immediately aware of my scantily clothed body and race to my towel

We spoke about this. Actually, it mostly consisted of my laughing and you indignantly defending your wording. So here it is:"Scantily-clad"? *Muffles laughter* Ahem. Yeah. Fun.

Oh God, why don't you just say bikini?


“Your eyes,” he stutters but I am surprised when there is little fear in his voice, only fascination

He's not stuttering in the dialogue. You also need a comma after stutters.


So this is cute. I enjoyed it. Yes, see? I ENJOYED IT. Shut up.




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KJ:

Shut up...?

Okay....*mouths words*

Thanks, Kelsey! :D

lol

*speaks again*

I'll just print this out for you soon so you don't have to skim.

Thanks again :D
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Hey Ash,

I love love love this chapter. I'm so happy that there aren't any walls up anymore. But now I have a feeling things are going to get worse because of Sophia and Isaac's relationship. This was absolutely flawless and your descriptions and word choices were just brilliant as always. Well thanks for the enjoyable read and keep writing such amazing stories.
~Angel
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




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CHAPTER FOURTEEN: I think this is my favorite chapter so far. It was midnight when I was reading this and editing, so I didn't really catching anything because my eyes were dropping. ANd yet I didn't want to stop reading, you brat1

I must say, your writing has greatly improved :)




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Angel of Death:

Your welcome :wink:

I'm glad you liked it so much! :D

KJ:

Well, I'm glad you think so because this was like the hardest chapter for me to write :wink: But thanks for looking at this, kels.

Can't wait to get the full manuscript! :D
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach



My spelling is wobbly. It's good spelling, but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.
— A.A. Milne