My First Deer

The morning was chilly with a slight frost covering the grass. My dad woke me up at around five. I got out of bed groggily until I realized Where I was and why I was up so early. It was my first time deer hunting. I had my lucky cinnamon oatmeal that had probably sat in the cabinet of the cabin for two years.

We walked outside and opened the black trash bag containing all of our clothes, boots, and hats. The smell of fake dirt scent filled the air. We donned our costumes and I grabbed the 12 gauge Remington 870 Express shotgun. My dad handed me four shells. They were Federal brand 1 oz. slugs. Basically like a .70 caliber bullet. I loaded the first shell into the shotgun then loaded the other three. My dad had two boxes of 5 shells each in his pockets


“If we cant get one with this many then we don’t deserve one”, my dad joked.

We headed into the woods and found a downed tree to sit behind. After about forty minutes I heard something to my left. I slowly turned my head towards the sound as I had been taught. My whole body shook when I saw the deer walking adjacent to me. I slowly lifted the gun. I barely aimed, mostly just pointed, the gun and pulled the trigger. I didn't notice the sound or feel the kick. I watched the deer run across a small valley, up another hill and fall over. My dad was probably happier than I was. Not to say I wasn't happy.

“You should just quit now, because that is the is the easiest it will ever get”, said my dad. We found the nine point. Most of him is in the freezer, but some of him is on the cabin wall.

This was a story I wrote I wrote in the 8th grade I was bored so I posted it. Tell me what you think

Review this please!

Hey, I see that you don't have any reviews for this so ashley to the rescue! (yeah, I know I'm a dork)

The morning was chilly with a slight frost covering the grass. My dad woke me up at around five. I got groggily out of bed [s]groggily[/s] until I realized Where I was and why I was up so early. It was my first time deer hunting. I had my lucky cinnamon oatmeal that had probably sat in the cabinet of the cabin for two years. This last sentence is very random. You need to expand more here. more about your morning, stuff like that.

We walked outside and opened the black trash bag containing all of our clothes, boots, and hats. The smell of fake dirt scent filled the air. What does fake dirt smell like?? Describe that more. Really help the reader image what is happening. We donned our costumes and I grabbed the 12 gauge Remington 870 Express shotgun. My dad handed me four shells. They were Federal brand 1 oz. slugs. Basically like a .70 caliber bullet. I loaded the first shell into the shotgun then loaded the other three. My dad had two boxes of 5 shells each in his pockets

“If we cant get one with this many then we don’t deserve one”, my dad joked.

We headed into the woods and found a downed tree to sit behind. After about forty minutes I heard something to my left. I slowly turned my head towards the sound as I had been taught. My whole body shook when I saw the deer walking adjacent to me. I slowly lifted the gun. I barely aimed, mostly just pointed, the gun and pulled the trigger. I didn't notice the sound or feel the kick. I watched the deer run across a small valley, up another hill and fall over. My dad was probably happier than I was. Not to say I wasn't happy.

“You should just quit now, because that is the is the easiest it will ever get”, said my dad. We found the nine point. Most of him is in the freezer, but some of him is on the cabin wall. You kind of jump ahead here. Try do expand more, like the nine-point being the deer's antlers and stuff like that so the reader understands.

This was a story I wrote I wrote in the 8th grade I was bored so I posted it. Tell me what you think Put this in bold or have a line break in there so we know that this is your comments, not part of the story

Well, this is good. I don't really read Non-Fiction so this is new for me. But, I would try to use more description for this. You are lacking in that department.

Good Luck with this!