I'm not one for nitpicking, so I won't, but...
Like a ton of stories these days, this is ridiculously fast-paced. Everyone seems to be bi-polar, and none of them seem to realize they're trying to act real, not like actors in a bad soap-opera.
The premise is cool - I've always adored Greek Myths and everything to do with them - but the way you develop the characters just doesn't work. 'Soft blue eyes'? Every single guy who a gal falls in love with seems to have soft - or deep - blue eyes. Why can't they be muddy green, like a swamp? Or a really hideous ORANGE color? Anything but blue!
Also, the whole 'shoulder-length blonde hair' is getting moldy. Just like with his eyes - why can't his hair be mousy-brown, or like Steve Martin, where it's just gotten white really fast? Pretty much every beautiful boy has blue eyes and blonde hair.
So yeah, what you need to work on is originality, and slowing down. Trust me, I know about slowing down - I have that problem myself. x-x
TIP: What I do, after a finishing a certain part, is go back to the beginning of that part, and reading through it. Then picture the characters, the background, and what they say, and ask yourself 'Is this realistic?
Anyhow, I must be going. Good luck with your story! ^_^
-SELA
